Good Comebacks - Any Help?

by atypical 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Mulan

  There was one little girl (12 or so) that always gave me the "Marilyn, where have you been?" when I would show up for my occasional meeting, during our fade. I would smile and tell her I've been there, but "where have you been?" I knew her father had given a talk at another cong, so threw her off a bit.

  Usually I would say I had gone to see my Dad and went to his meeting, or had to take my aunt to her Circuit Assembly. Another good excuse was that I had been terribly ill, and was so hurt that no one came to see me or check on me. That kind of ended the interrogations.

  I got out of Circuit Assemblies by telling the above story, so no one expected me at another one. (during that time, Dave was working in Japan for two months)
• 

  mjs mouse, ben

  when the nosey JW comes asking questions just say someting like: "well I went to the doctor and he found that my left ball was 3 times the size of an apple, havent been able to move around too much , so I dont have much money, could you spare a few dollars?" by the time you get to the $$$ part of the discussion, they'll be long gone!
• 

  Gretchen956

  Oh yes, my favorite is the "how are you?" questions... they truly don't want to know. But here is an excellent opportunity to share a bit too much (feel free to make stuff up and embellish)... my mom used to do this (prolly still does) only she was too ignorant to realize what she was doing or why no one wanted to hang out with her:

  "Well to tell you the truth I've been a bit constipated lately. I've tried metamucel, I've tried exlax, nothing works. I just sit on the pot and fart. I thought about going to the naturpath to get a colon enema but then I decided that I could do it myself. Have you ever shopped for an enema bag? Its really quite interesting... yadda, yadda, yadda"

  HA -- guaranteed to send them FLEEING!!! In fact after a few times people will literally run when they see you coming!

  Another alternative would be diarrhea, always good for a few chuckles.

  Sherry
• 

  freedom96

  When asked how you are doing after a long absence, most expect to hear that you are not doing well. I always responded that I was doing great.

  Funny, I have mentioned before, but I saw some old friends a few months ago. Their son, now 17, asked how I was doing, and we had a great conversation. He then asked me, so sincerely, how I was doing spiritually. I responded, "Great! Never better!" He looked very happy and asked if I had been going to the meetings. With the smile still on my face, I replied "No, it has been quite a while!"

  The look on his face then was priceless!
• 

  atypical

  Thanks everybody for the great advice, and all the good laughs. You gave me enough material to last for months of sporadic appearances at the KH. The good laugh helped me get through tonight.

  Well, I am back home now, and happy to say I made it through without incident, except for the upset stomach, jitters and anxiety which I expected. We arrived during the first song and went straight to the back room, (not without receiving plenty of looks) and left right after the last prayer. It was CO visit like I mentioned, so that helped because everyone was mostly concerned with getting an audience with the CO after the meeting.

  Ironically, a talk was given about the dangers of the internet. It was given by a brother who has been known to have quite a problem with pornography, so that was entertaining. It was also mentioned that anyone displaying anti-social behavior may be doing so because they have developed a problem with pornography on the internet and are ashamed to be around their brothers and sisters. Well, I guess now everyone thinks they know why I haven't been at meetings! Give me a break.

  Thanks again for all the support!

  Gary, although I will probably never have the nerve to do it, just picturing myself with my finger out my zipper, holding my glasses and blowing spit bubbles will give me a happy thought anytime I encounter negativity. Thanks
• 

  jgnat

  Am I too late to add my own?

  "I haven't seen you in forever. What's going on with you?"

  I'm doing great! (big smile). Enough about me. What's up with you?

  "We've missed you at the meetings."

  Why thank you, I didn't know you cared. Give me a call sometime and we can go for coffee.

  I enjoy turning JW's in to normal people. Like others have said, get them to talk about their hobbies and interests. As long as you avoid, let's see, "the world is going downhill fast", "wasn't that a lovely talk", or "I believe in the trinity now", you can switch off the JW personality and enjoy a visit with the real person underneath.
• 

  Mary

  Next time someone bugs you with the usual "How are you?" you could reply with one of the following:

  1. How am I what?
  2. I'm fine.....really tired though because I've been doing alot of top secret stuff down at Bethel lately, but don't tell anyone...
  3. I'm excellent......just got back from Mount Sinai where Jehovah spoke to me directly and told me to say to the Governing Body "Let My People Go..."
  4. Where have I been? What do you mean? I haven't missed a meeting for almost a year......where have YOU been?
  5. I've been going to another circuit.....I don't live around here anymore.
• 

  TheListener

  atypical, you have a pm.
• 

  daystar

  Freedom96!

  Your story sounds familiar!

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/100259/1726556/post.ashx#1726556
• 

  Rayvin

  Daystar, was this the father of the person we were just talking about the other day??