worried about my sister, looking for insight

bigsis

I'm new to this site and forum so I'm not sure I'm in the right place. Here goes. My sister married a J.W. and now they have a baby. My family is Baptist and so was my sister. We knew it would be a struggle for her to keep her faith and she lost the battle. She came to my mother and told my fam. she was converting. Here's the thing, her husband left his house because he didn't want to conform, then he met my sis. It wasn't until recently that he has been closer to his mom. Now my sister says she's into this and more comfortable at this church. I understand she's fighting for her marriage, her husband is very controlling, he wouldn't watch their son because she didn't clean the house, so we couldn't go to the movies. My question is, what can I and my family do to show her the way. I don't want to offend anyone and I don't know much about the religion, what I do know I don't agree with. I'm learning more because I curious how my sister could make this decision. She has always been easily persuaded but she also seemed strong in her faith. Please any advice would be great.

Aude_Sapere

Hi Bigsis -

Welcome to JWD.

You are in the right place and you will get much response to your inquiry. It's a little late for most of the posters right now but in the morning you may want to reply to your own thread to bring it to the top (bttt).

You ask a great question and I'm not sure how to advise you.

Please know that most of here are EX-witnesses. Some are still active but in name only - for the sake of maintaining their family relationships. A handful are current, active witnesses and many are, like yourself, concerned family members.

While waiting for replys, you may find it helpful to look thru some historical postings. Perhaps look in the 'Best of' section and the 'Relationships' section.

Pour yourself a cup of herbal tea (or a glass of wine!) and get comfy. There is so much information on this site. Don't be shy to ask the questions that you want to ask. We are not easily offended.

It's really a great site. I think you will agree.

Welcome again.

-Aude Sapere (meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding)

Now What?

Welcome to the board!

First off, we feel your pain. This is no small matter. But the good news is that there are ton of super nice folks here that are willing to help out.

We have some fanatstic unbelieving mates here (that's the jw term for those married to jw but are not in the religion) that can give you some good ideas on how you might be able to help your sister.

A big thing will be your current relationship with your sister, if she trusts you and the closer you are, the better. She will need all the love you can give her. And remember it takes time too, so be patient with her. In the meantime, cruise these boards. You will find lots of info and links to other helpful websites.

As a last little something to get you started, try not to pour on too much pressure at once on your sister about becoming a jw. Anything negative is perceived as 'persecution' and only entrenches their position. They teach their followers that family will try to talk them out of the religion, and that it is really a sign that the jw are right! It's backwards thinking I know, but they thrive on the persecution complex. The harder you push directly, the more entrenched she may become. So what you learn here may need to be seasoned with salt so she can see through all the BS to the real deal. Once you get a crack in the armor, then you can get more direct.

I'll be praying for your sister. Good Luck to you! Let us know how it progresses.

Joel Wideman

Welcome! As Now What? pointed out, pushing will only reinforce the persecution complex. I myself know this all too well. The best thing you can do is show them unconditional love.

Sad emo

Hi bigsis

welcome to the board.

All I can say is the same as Joel. Let your sis know that you're there for her no matter what. Anything to the effect of telling her she is wrong might just push her further in the opposite direction.

(((hugs)))

vitty

Hi and a big welcome, if you say she seems strong in this religion, that just means she been more influenced, for whatever reason, husband , family. Many, not all, hope that the more "strong" or the more they do in this org, the more likely their problems will disappear, this just covers or shadows any problems, which tend to get worse not better !!!!!!

But you can help, the more you read here and post the more you will get insight and a better understanding of how JWs tick.

Billygoat

big sis,

Welcome to the board! What you need to know is that Jehovahs Witnesses are a CULT. They are not part of mainstream Christianity and have their own bible that teaches them things that aren't basic Christian tenets. They believe salvation is based upon works, not faith and by the grace of God. It is very legalistic and they make it hard for members to really see because they keep them so busy.

Of course, be prepared for your sister and hubby to deny this, as they are taught to do that too. But as with all other cults, what you see on the outside is not what goes on in the real-life JW world. I escaped 15 years ago, but was disowned by my parents and siblings in the meantime. All I can say is show TONS of unconditional love and affection for your sister and her baby and EVEN her husband. At some point they may realize it's what they're missing from the Kingdom Halls. Love there is ALWAYS conditional.

Best wishes!

Andi

Rayvin

You say her hubby is controling.That is something I am sure he is all by himself but the JW religion sorta feeds him that idea as well. Your sis will have to come to terms with being married to a controling hubby.. not just a controling JW. Show her Love and support. She will need it. Hopefully she will know one day that she deserves more respect and support from a husband then what she is getting. But him being a JW will make that harder since there is alot of room for guilt trips if the wifey doesn't OBEY. I hope you find what you need here. Good luck.

Momofmany

Hi BigSis, I wanted to welcome you here. I wish I had some cure all for this. All I can really say is, don't be too confrontational. Find some things to make her question them herself. You can ask, do they really teach......, and see what she says.

I'm not sure what question will do it for her. There are many good topics here. Pick a few, and learn what they really teach. Then ask her if it is true.

Es

Welcome to the board, im with many on this just let your sis know you are there for her no matter wht, there will be times where you wont understand where she is coming from, but be patient. Is yous sis baptized???

es

worried about my sister, looking for insight

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