The atheists have done a pretty good job on me, I am just about to cast my lot in with them after all the reading and debating on the issue. They just seem to have all the answers and appear to hold the intellectual high ground, they do a good job of making one feel like a complete idiot for believing in a god, much less the Christian version.
So now that I am almost free of this delusional, magical thinking, religious burden of foolishly believing in a God and that there is anymore to life than what is right here how do I feel?
Not all that wonderful to be honest. If I remember correctly the earth is thought to be about 4 billion years old, if I live to 70 I will have existed less than one ten millionth of the time the earth has been around, much less the universe (my math could be wrong, I am so rusty, but suffice it to say, an almost infinitesimal tick of the BIG clock so to speak.
In 30, 40, at absolute most 50 years I am going to die, and that is going to be it, every experience I ever had, every thought, every memory, gone, forever. I will cease to exist and my body will either be cremated or left to decompose in the ground. And in another 50 or 60 years after that (maybe a tad longer if I have grandchildren), everyone that ever knew me will be gone. Oh, some might say, but your memory will live on with your family, big freaking deal, I’ll be dead, unaware of it, so I don’t find that all that comforting.
You can call me selfish, call me ungrateful, whatever but this tick of the clock existence, this nano-second in the big picture time while it is nice doesn’t seem like very much. I would like very much that there be something more, but have been pretty much convinced that there isn’t and you know, that doesn’t fill me up with wonder, or make my heart sing, or fill me with really any positive feelings to be quite honest.
Oh, it doesn’t nullify the life I have, so far its been good and hopefully I have some good years left, but the idea that once it is over, its over, well that just bums me out actually, I’m not overwhelmed with the fact that, oh my, my ancestors crawled from the slime and I lift my apeman head up for this tiny fraction of time before becoming nothing again.
Do any of you other atheists feel this way? Do any of you feel saddened at all by the fact that we have so little time and that when its over, its over?