If raised JW - or in while young - how strict were your parents?

by Jamelle 50 Replies latest jw experiences

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  flower

  My parents were extremely strict too. My father was an elder and so he had to have a family that was an 'example'. I could list all kinds of normal things that we werent allowed to do.

  The one that bugged me most was probably the fact that we werent allowed to be involved in any extra curricular activities. No band, no sports, no dances, no football games, no yearbook commitee, no homecoming, prom, senior trip..no nothing except classes and straight home.

  That kind of forced anti social behavior over the course of years can cause one to become a dysfunctional member of society when the finally leave the nest and the lie truth because they dont know how to interact with other people who are not jw's. This was a problem I had and it took me a lot of work to get to the point where I can interact with other people in a normal situation without feeling awkward. That is a natural thing that most people learn as children but which we were deprived.
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  R6Laser

  That kind of forced anti social behavior over the course of years can cause one to become a dysfunctional member of society when the finally leave the nest and the lie truth because they dont know how to interact with other people who are not jw's. This was a problem I had and it took me a lot of work to get to the point where I can interact with other people in a normal situation without feeling awkward. That is a natural thing that most people learn as children but which we were deprived.

  Exactly the way I think. After I turned 18 I confronted my mother about this same situation. I explained to her that being this strict is not going to help me down the road. I gave examples of other teens in the KH whose parents where as strict and how they turned out (it wasn't good). Glad I got out, but I still keep on touch with old friends.
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  Seeker4

  Love seeing all the newbies on this post. Great to see you here.

  S4
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  lola28

  Darth I didin't mean any harm. I guess it bothers me because that was one of my favorite shows. I still watch them when I can. Should we tape some episodes and send them to him? No boy should ever have to be without the turtles, Spiderman or Batman, it is un American and wrong.

  Really I meant nothing by what I said. I do find it so sad that so many could not enjoy harmless things like theses tv shows. My heart goes out to all who had to forsake these things in order to please "jah"

  lola
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  Darth Yhwh

  Aww, lola, relax. I was teasing you! I agree, that no young child, especially a male child, should grow up without being able to experience such things. Fortunatly for myself, my parents weren't that strict.
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  Riverview

  Its amazing how many stories here are alike.

  Talk about living the same lives.

  I guess our parents were convinced these things that the Society said was true and for the good of the children.

  Why are they so harsh on kids?? Doesnt make sense?? Wouldnt that make them leave when they grow up?? I dont think too many embrace it when they grow up and have a mind of their own - even though it took me until I was 35 I did finally see it.
• 

  Effervescent

  Not that I would wish my childhood on ANYONE, but in some odd way it gives me comfort to know that their were others out there with weird childhoods just like mine.

  I could write a book on the strange rules and strictness my parents enforced-

  • Of course the normal- no clubs, afterschool activities, cports. I was expected to come home and do homework and do my literature reading until dinner.
  • Only one phone call and/or visit to a JW friend per week. If someone called me and I had already met my quota for the week, my stepmother would stand next to me and stare me down until I hung up.
  • Couldn't use anything that had any sort of fragrance in it or could be considered a beauty item. My deodorant had to be non scented and I couldn't use anything ranging from lotions to hairspray, gel, makeup etc etc.
  • Couldn't wear dangly earrings.
  • Shoes couldn't have more than a one inch heal.
  • Wasn't allowed to shave my legs, pluck eyebrows, use dye products on my hair. My devotion to my parents acceptance is evident in the fact I felt I had to ASK my Dad if I could shave my legs.
  • (Sorry in advance if this is inappropriate) When I was visited by my monthly friend, my stepmom issued me 10 pads that were expected to last the week. My Grandma found out about this and started sneaking me what I liked to call "Black Market Kotex"
  • Sometimes big awards assemblies for the year were scheduled on a meeting night, usually Thursdays. One time I was given a huge "Student of the Year" award for Business. It was a big deal and I think there were maybe only five given out for the year. Not only did my parents not feel the need to go, they didn't even tell me I was awarded. It was supposed to be a secret until the names were called and the teacher who awarded it told me the next day. She was pretty shocked that my parents didn't care about it. This was pretty standard... I was an excellent student and often recognized- by everyone by my own parents.
  • You could pretty much add everything else from other peoples lists- the music from the 60's hit the nail on the head for me. I also felt socially retarded for a long time and in some ways still do.
• 

  enigmatic

  I guess my parents were not that strict. Me and my younger brother where more fortunate than our older brother and sister though, my dad used to be an elder than, (there around ten years older than us) I guess my parents mellowed out in time. They were divorced when I was 7 and my dad was disfellowshipped for awhile, so I got alot of leeway there. I could not join little league or any other type of sports, but I could play with kids from school or my neighborhood, and have them over the house or go over theres, no problem. Couldn't watch any R rated movies, but the print version was quite allright (still don't get that). Watched whatever on television. With my mom I was always screwing off and would hardly ever go out in FS and was always missing meetings. With my dad I would never miss anything, but from time to time he would take a sunday off and take us to a museum or something. Played with water guns (no gi-joe toys though), I guess pretty slack I guess but I can never get back the things I did miss.
  
  Edit: Please note though that I got out of the dubs when I was about 12-13 so thankfully I had a semi-normal teenage life, with worldy friends and girlfriends and all the normal teenage things that go along.
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  clear2c

  Cartoons not allowed to watch! lol
  
  Casper the Ghost (for obvious reasons lol, theres no such thing as ghosts only demons.)
  
  Romper Room 50's childerns show not allowed to watch becuse "when the lady looks into the looking glass and talks to little billy and all her viewers out in TV Land shes contacting demons.
  
  David and Goliath claymation cartoons, not allowed becuse they where funded or produced by the luthern church. lol
  
  Gumby and Pokey series claymation cartoons same as above.
  
  Taboo TV Shows
  
  Rod Sterlings Night Gallery was probably on the top of the list hehehe my brother used to love that show and anytime mom and dad were not around play it any how lol.
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  candidlynuts

  we werent allowed to watch dallas or any night time type soaps..

  from the time i was 3 or 4 i was told never to be alone with any grown man. (smart parents i have)

  we got to choose our own clothes but mom and dad had veto power. (my older sister once made a halter top out of a bandanna that didnt quite cover her boobs... actually barely covered them at all lol)

  never beaten or hit, dad rarely if ever raised his voice...only time i saw him come close to violence was when my teenage brother decided he was bigger than dad and threatened to beat my dad up for not letting him go out one sat night........dad put his fists up and said quietly " if you think you can do it son, come on"........... brother sputtered and cussed then had to do extra chores for a month lmao.

  music, we could listen to radio, never could afford albums or 8tracks (yes i'm old).... dad would turn off tanya tuckers " lay me down" he was just appalled that a teenage girl was singing such a thing..but thats about it.

  they were/are good parents, i think being poor kinda helped them not have to be too strict. it was the kids with money that got in all the trouble in our hall.