I have a couple of questions for anyone who has been reinstated.
What kinds of questions did they ask you?
If they decided to reinstate you were you told not to discuss why you were DFed, especially if another JW was involved?
A couple of questions for those who have been reinstated
by Lady Lee 31 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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AlmostAtheist
I was DF'd once while I still believed it was "the truth". After I decided I wanted to be reinstated, I submitted my first letter. The elders met with me, asked if I was truly sorry. I said yes. They showed me in the Organized to Accomplish Our Ministry book where it says it may be "6 months, a year, or even longer" before a person claiming repentance is allowed back into the organization. They told me to keep coming to meetings and submit another letter when I thought I was ready.
I asked them how long I should wait. Obviously, I felt I was ready right then and there, so by that definition I should submit a letter now. They absolutely, resolutely refused to define a time frame for it. So I decided to submit a letter every month.
Each letter prompted a meeting, and at each meeting they told me they needed more time. After the second meeting, I called one of the elders on my committee to ... well, I didn't know why I was calling exactly. One thing he told me gave me great comfort at the time. He pointed out that Jehovah reads hearts and He may well have reinstated me already. It isn't Jehovah standing over me saying "No", it's men. They can't read hearts, so it's their job to reinstate only when they are sure I'm no longer a threat to the congregation.
At the time, this helped me. I went from seeing myself as being punished by god to being punished by men. That made the whole ordeal much easier. It still struck me as ridiculously difficult to get reinstated, and I still couldn't see the scriptural support for the whole process. But at least I drew comfort from it.
After my third letter they agreed to reinstate me, with full restrictions of course. (They did not meet with me the third time, they just agreed to go ahead and reinstate)
One thing that really pissed me off was I submitted the third letter and a week passed with nothing. No call, no comment, nothing. At a Thursday meeting, I approached (you always "approach" elders, ever notice that?) the chairman of my committee and asked when I would be getting a meeting. He told me that they've been quite busy lately and hoped to get to it next weekend. "Next weekEND?" I asked him incredulously, emphasizing the "end". "Yes," he stated bluntly.
I stared at him for several seconds, furious. Gathering myself, I said, "Ok. But you know what you brothers are holding. You have my entire life in your hands." I left him.
They called me that weekend and told me I would be reinstated Thursday. A little compassion, maybe? I don't know.
Gina later told me that she had contacted the elders and explained that SHE thought I was ready. This may also have had an impact on their decision. All things considered, my reinstatement was much, much faster than normal. It seemed like freaking forever.
Edited to add: No, they didn't say anything about keeping anything confidential.
Dave
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tall penguin
My story sounds similar to Dave's. While a dub, I'd been disfellowshipped for a year and a half. I had applied a few times during that time period. My situation was a bit different in that I was waiting on a divorce, so the first time I applied, the questions were about that issue. I was questionned on the timeline of events and how it seemed that I'd arranged everything to "put away" my husband, get a divorce and get reinstated all in 6 months. No such plan. I was mortified. My reinstatement request was denied.
At the next meeting, they asked me if I was "sorry" for what I'd done. They asked me why I thought I'd been disfellowshipped. They asked me if they thought Jehovah had forgiven me. They asked me what I would advise someone who was in the same situation I was in originally.
I also told them at this meeting that I'd been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress due to the jc process and the way I'd been treated. They shared the scripture about 'discipline yielding peacable fruits' and asked "If you were truly repentant and humbled by the discipline you've received, you wouldn't be having these emotional issues, now would you?" Arghhhh!!!
In the end, I got reinstated, a year and a half later mind you. I'm still not sure why as at every reinstatment meeting they continued to treat me like dirt. It sure didn't seem like they wanted me back.
And no, they didn't say I couldn't talk to others about why I'd been df'd.
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Billygoat
I find these stories so disturbing. What about "forgiving your brother seventy-seven times" and "not keeping tracks of sins"??? How on earth can they read those scriptures and then NOT forgive you and then KEEP TRACK of your sins and think they are the One True Religion? Hypocrisy!!!
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Lady Lee
LOL @ Andi
What about "forgiving your brother seventy-seven times" and "not keeping tracks of sins"???
no no no. It is only the WTS that scripture applies to not us regular peeps.
TP & AA
That sounds grueling. It's a wonder anyone puts themselves through that.
I have always wondered if they would put a rule on me about not talking to anyone about why I was DFed. The one time I did "approach" (yup seems silly to use that word) an elder about the possibility of reinstatement he was so nasty and mean. I could not believe this was the man I looked up to as a father figure.
Sure am glad he was that nasty though or else I might still be there
Ok what I started out saying about putting rules on some was that when I was discussing with the elders about what had happened that got me DFed it came out that my elder husaband was abusing me and the girls. I didn't tell them this. My husband told them himself (I think becasue he thought I would tell on him)
I have this suspicion they ruled to get rid of me because it would look better if the elder wasn't the one getting DFed.
He got away with private reproof!!! for 15 yrs of abuse and I got DFed for a 1 time sexual experience with someone.
And I seriously think they would have not wanted me back in case I started telling the whole truth that they wanted swept under the carpet
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Jez
I was invited by the elders after 2 1/2 months of meeting attendance to submit my letter for reinstatement.
At the jc meeting, they started by asking me why I was df'ed. I said, "Adultry" They said, NO, an unrepentant attitude. (opps, strike one)
They proceeded to read tons of scriptures to me and made me read some.
They asked me what I have been doing to gain my spirituality back again, how I have reconciled what happened to me, if my husband was supportive and would he study, if my girls would come to meetings with me, if I was angry with the elder body, if I realized that disfellowshipping was my choice, what my future spiritual goals were, what I have learned. They ended it by asking me to leave the room for 5 mins while they discussed. Called me back in and said, "We see no reason not to reinstate you."
They did not ask any doctrinal questions. They did not ask me if I believed this to be God's organization on earth. They did not ask me to keep quiet about what had happened to me at the hands of my ex. They did say that I would have no privledges for a while. It was quite laid back and more of a 4 way conversation than an interrogation. They mostly listened while I talked. They ended the meeting by saying that they hope this is the beginning of another journey for me and that my reinstatement helps me to continue to heal.
Jez
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Jez
Just read your latest post Lady Lee.
Same thing with me and my situation. My ex husband abused me for 14 + years of our marriage. One night in 2001, after an 'episode', I finally called the police. He was charged with assault, harrassment, and uttering threats. He was eventually charged.
I met someone else, married that person, was df'ed for it. He was publically reproved only and is now remarried (using his free ticket) and is an "outstanding" member of the congregation he attends.
Jez
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Lady Lee
Jez
Yup mine got the free ticket too. Everyone felt sorry for him and held him up as an example for his "steadfastness". He lost his wife and two daughters --- poor brother.
Two years after our divorce he remarried a sister who had two daughters. "Ah Look!" they cried. "Jehovah has replaced what was lost. Just like Job!"
She left him too (had an affair) to get away from him.
And they still think he is so wonderful.
I tell ya It took me ten years after our divorce before I could be in the same room with him without wanting to
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Poztate
After the second meeting, I called one of the elders on my committee to ... well, I didn't know why I was calling exactly. One thing he told me gave me great comfort at the time. He pointed out that Jehovah reads hearts and He may well have reinstated me already.
You have to learn to read between the lines...What he was really saying was PISS OFF with sending us those letters every month and making us reconsider you. ( extra meeting) We will get back to you when WE are good and ready and you better be ready to kiss our ring (piece) if you want to get back in...
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banished1
Interesting. I have wondered about the process.