Thank you all so much, I have read every post and cross referenced every article was very surprised by someone who said "what is the significance of this anyway"!!!! It is THE VERY BASIS of everything I've been taught and I've been shaken to my roots to discover it's not true. I just want to go into the KH and shout it out...lol, but dont worry I wont. I am smart, I know the most sensible option is to leave quietly. I want to see my family, I want to see my sister get married (she's just about to) my brother and sister in law (who was my best friend growing up) are just about to have a baby. It may be cowardly but I want to be around to see all that and dont see disfellowshipping or disassociation as the way to go. And I know they wouldn't listen if I talked to them about this, just as I wouldn't have a few years ago, how blind!!
I just feel my life is starting. I'm 36 years old and the world is gorgeous. All the things I thought were bad, evil, not to be touched, enjoyed. looked at. Suddenly.. I can see. And for the first time in .. ever I think, i can imagine having a relationship with god that isn't about what i'm NOT doing.
Have so much more to say, but want to carry on reading, studying etc etc. I have ordered Crisis of conscience from amazon, i want to read that for myself.
Poppy xx