New Light! “Invisible Armageddon!”

by jstalin 27 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • jstalin
    jstalin

    It is going to be announced that with all the anticipation for the coming of Armageddon, we didn’t notice the actual event. That’s right, it was an Invisible Armageddon. If we take the 70 years of captivity, plus 1914, we get 1984. Then we use the “people equal hours” rule and apply it to the 144,000, using division, and we get 6,000. Then we use the “hours equal years rule” to divide 6,000 by 360 to get 16.66 additional years, add that to 1984, and we get the year 2000 for Armageddon! That’s right, it appears as though Armageddon occurred in late July of 2000, and we didn’t see it! Jesus descended from his invisible throne, smashed all the governments in the world invisibly, and slaughtered all the unbelievers… invisibly!

    It is now up to the Faithful and Discrete Slave to root out who is left. In fact, other than the True Christians, everyone else roaming all the lands of the Earth is a demon, direct from Satan the Devil! Just look around you and realize - everyone who’s not a True Christian is a demon. They will attempt to corrupt you, your children, your home and everything around you. Throw out all worldly possessions, stop talking to all the demons, and grow your own food. Jesus’ reign as king has begun. We just need to wait in our basements for the final appearance to occur. It’s just weeks away!

  • Legolas
  • daystar
    daystar

    ROFLMAO!!

  • forsharry
    forsharry

    I knew it! I just knew I was dead and that my existence was hell. And it all started going downhill for me right after 2000! It all makes perfect sense now. I am a little mini-satan! And when I'm not trying to pretend to go to work and pay bills that don't matter I go out and try to corrupt those poor little persecuted witnoids. What a world, what a world.

  • TopHat
    TopHat

    Soon, any time now

  • hubert
    hubert

    And all j.w.'s will live in paradise earth..........invisibly.

    Hubert

  • garybuss
    garybuss

    Carl Sagan in his book Broca's Brain (New York: Ballantine Books, 1979, pp. 332-333): Doctrines that make no predictions are less compelling than those which make correct predictions; they are in turn more successful than doctrines that make false predictions.

    But not always. One prominent American religion confidently predicted that the world would end in 1914. Well, 1914 has come and gone, and -- while the events of that year were certainly of some importance -- the world does not, at least so far as I can see, seem to have ended. There are at least three responses that an organized religion can make in the face of such a failed and fundamental prophecy. They could have said, "Oh, did we say '1914'? So sorry, we meant '2014.' A slight error in calculation. Hope you weren't inconvenienced in any way." But they did not. They could have said, "Well, the world would have ended, except we prayed very hard and interceded with God so He spared the Earth." But they did not. Instead, they did something much more ingenious.

    They announced that the world had in fact ended in 1914, and if the rest of us hadn't noticed, that was our lookout. It is astonishing in the face of such transparent evasions that this religion has any adherents at all. But religions are tough. Either they make no contentions which are subject to disproof or they quickly redesign doctrine after disproof. The fact that religions can be so shamelessly dishonest, so contemptuous of the intelligence of their adherents, and still flourish does not speak very well for the tough-mindedness of the believers. But it does indicate, if a demonstration were needed, that near the core of the religious experience is something remarkably resistant to rational inquiry.

    From November 1 1942 Watchtower: The world has ended . . .
    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/ash123/WT11-1-42P2.jpg

  • jstalin
    jstalin

    Gary - that Sagan writing was actually my inspiration :)

  • Leuese
    Leuese

    It's TRUE,

    Everything written occurs in the heavens above before they occur upon the earth of mankind. When Jesus Christ took his throne, Jehovah places his enemies as his footstool in the heavens above, before Jesus rids the earth of all ungodly men, or converts everyone upon the earth to the Christian principles of JAH the ALMIGHTY GOD, AMEN. The ungodly men are like the original Wild Beast who is satan the devil. The beasts of the field are the ungodly men that choose to kill the innocent in all of the earth.

    The Faithful Slave

  • RunningMan
    RunningMan

    I've thought for a long time that converting armagedon from a literal to a spiritual event is the only way for them to get this monkey off their back. Every year that goes by makes the prediction look stupider.

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