Can someone help me decide what to do? (page 2)

damselfly

That's awful news to hear. For my own peice of mind I would talk to her and get her version of events. It would constantly eat away at me otherwise.

Dams

misspeaches

I have had a lot of trouble making "real" friends

Not at all pathetic and definately not uncommon. This is a common feeling amongst people who were raised as JW's. After so much deciet you find yourself being wary of accepting anyone/thing.

Its definately not your fault Kaylen. Your husband was in the wrong. So was your best friend. Try not to make excuses for them. I know its hard. But you are being more than reasonable on the matter.

You may possibly find that if you talk to your best friend she will give an entirely different reaction than you got from your hubby. You just don't know pet. Be brave!

Sorry to hear about this. You are not overreacting at all. Being intoxicated doesn't justify what they did. It's a cop out. You were betrayed by your husband, best friend, and her husband in the worst way. Their conspiracy of silence was not to save you pain - it was to save their own asses, and adds insult to injury. If I were in your shoes I doubt I could ever trust any of them again.

W

dezpbem

That's a rough situation. I think you shouldn't be influenced by anybody in terms of what you should do. What's right for one person is wrong for the next. If it were me I would confront your friend one on one. I agree that thinking about it over and over in your head will not be productive (been there, done that).

As far as forgiveness goes, I don't think anyone can tell you if you should or shouldn't forgive. The answer varies from person to person. Find out more. You would probably find out the most from the one that told you the truth in the first place. My guess is that you will feel like your in a better position to judge the situation and those involved after you know it all. I hate to say it but in the end you may need to do the same thing back before you'll feel you can move on. I'm not saying you should. I just know that some people only get closure by "balancing the tables". I don't want to influence you there though. I don't know anything about you to say what would put you at peace with the situation.

And what's up with this freak getting turned on by all this?

thom

I'm so sorry to hear that this kind of thing has happened to you.
If it were me, I'd be more bothered by your husbands reaction when you asked him. At least if he were sick about it and considered your feelings, it might show that he gives a s**t about what he did. As others have said, being drunk means nothing. I would probably talk to him further about why he seems to feel that it wasn't a big deal (at least it would seem he feels that way). Cheating on your spouse is a big indication of how the cheater really feels about the other. At least I see it that way.
I would have to confront the friend too. I don't mean attack, I mean confront. Talk to her about it, let her know that you know, see what her view is. If you keep her as a friend that's a decision you can make after talking with her.
You said: "I should be yelling and screaming and carrying on but I just find that I just keep trying to establish what was going on then (my husband while he has admitted to it says he doesn't remember anything and says it doesnt achieve anything to go into details about it) and I feel that in some way it must be my fault."
No, you should be handling it in a way you're comfortable with. Just because some people scream and yell and carry on doesn't mean you have to. Just because you may not outwardly look like you're hurting, doesn't mean that you're not. Don't let how you appear to others control how you handle the situation.
Also, don't blame yourself for other people's stupid actions. It's easy to do, but it's not good. You can blame those who are at fault, and even forgive them, but don't blame yourself as a way to push past the situation. You didn't do it, they did.

MsMcDucket

I gotta think about this one..."My first instinct would be to do a Rambo on them. Flat blast the both of them." "But then I chilled."..."I stuck you up for everything that I ever bought ya."...

When I heard your predicament that song came to mind. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Your husband and your friend went way overboard with that screwin' around crap, but it's your call. I'd kind of be wondering if they were ALL still messing around??? Seems like the other husband was trying you out to see if you'd take the bait.

I don't know what to tell you. Sorry.

sass_my_frass

This reaction bothers me;

"says he doesn't remember anything and says it doesnt achieve anything to go into details about it"

... he really brushed that off didn't he? You have every right to know the facts. Something like that would make me wonder whether I can trust any of those three people again... more that they conspired to cover it up, than it happened. But even then, somebody has already said that being drunk isn't an excuse for anything. If they were too drunk to know what they were doing or what the consequences were, they'd have been comatose.

I've always thought that when a person is drunk, it is the most honest they can be about themselves - the mask comes off and they can't hide their feelings or their personality. Maybe the masks came off and they decided to explore an attraction they have always had. Maybe they thought about the consequences of taking it further and decided not to, or maybe they did? Maybe all it takes to turn them into hornbags is a few drinks. It's stuff you need to know, not sit around being worried about.

Kaylen

The more I think about it the more annoyed I am about my husbands reaction, besides not wanting to talk about it, his comment was that he would have to have a discussion with his friend about betraying the agreement that they had about keeping the secret. HELLO what about what they did. I would assume that me friends husband would have gone straight to his wife and told her he had told me. But she has been acting normal. This is driving me crazy.

theinfamousone

im so sorry to hear about your situation hun!!! damn, i dont know what i would do... its happened before to me, and the best friend was gone with an ass kickin'... the girl was kicked to the curb, not literally of course... but ive never been married, so i dont know... im sorry

BETRAYAL SUCKS SHIT

the infamous one

candidlynuts

ya know what? they did the action, they'll have to live with your reaction.

evidently your husbands loyalty lies with your "friends" more so than it does with you. same with the friends.

not that it cant be forgiven, it can, IF they want to be forgiven. continuing to shut you out and not answering your questions is not a good sign.

like another poster said , it was 3 yrs ago for them but its new to you and why should you just take your husbands word about what happened? you already know he'll lie to you.if you feel confronting the friend is the thing to do, then do it.

hugs.its a tough situation.

Can someone help me decide what to do?