Divided family and confused

noelle2375

Hey all! I am new here and wanted to ask some advice.
I have been dating a disfellowshipped man for almost 3 years. We live together with his two children from his previous marriage. He is raising them JW. I celebrate everything, but out of respect for them (the kids) I do not put up my Christmas tree or decorate for any holiday. This breaks my heart because I LOVE holidays. I feel like I am giving up my life for this man who is not even considered a JW. I feel bad for his children because all of their friends here are not JW and they know no other children in their school that are JW either. I would like some advice here... Do I stay with a man that I love, but will never be able to celebrate anything with and probably never have kids because he would want them to be JW or will it be too hard? I wish I could make him see that this religion is brainwashing and cult-like but he does not see it. He is disfellowshipped because he went to the elders. He was in a bad, sexless marriage and cheated. He is not reinstated because we live together and are not married and because he is not ready to be reinstated yet. How can a JW say they believe in the religion but no fully believe all the rules? It is so confusing.

Can a believing, soon-to-be reinstated JW and a non JW really live peacefully forever?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Noelle

AuntieJane

Welcome! You will learn a lot here. Most will tell you that you have a tough situation with no hope unless your

bf decides to get out of the JWs all the way. How much have you talked to him....what would he do if you did put up a Xmas Tree?

etc? Just wondering....is he controlling you, nice as he is...but is he controlling you by your own choosing? It

appears so; you are giving up your belief system, your traditions aren't you?

There are those here who have turned their JW spouse around, but it is usually a long, tough process. Mind control

has done its damage. But it can be overcome.

Good luck,

AJ

FreeWilly

Hi Noelle,

Welcome to JWD!

"Can a believing, soon-to-be reinstated JW and a non JW really live peacefully forever?"

I'm sure it happens, but I can say that most (if not all) find it to be a continual strain on the relationship. If he continues on his course you can expect more and more pressure for you to conform and join. If he redevelopes his social connections at the kingdom hall you can expect a new social scene where you are an outsider because you are not one of them. If he is trying to get back in good standing he will have to marry you or leave you. They will not reinstate him until he does one or the other.

Even before being reinstated he will be expected to attend all of the weekly meetings which is 2 hours on sunday, 2 hours for a "ministry school" on a weekenight, one for a "book study" hour on another weeknight, and a few hours door-knocking on the weekend. As the "Head of the Household" he will demand his children be raised JW's, taking them with him as he goes.

I don't want to advise you on something as serious as this, but you should realize that if he indeed does want to get reinstated, then you will be left out of the JW part of his life - a life that is designed to occupy most of his free time. Unfortunately you will be left with the "scraps", unless of course you join.

I recommend you buy him the book "Crisis of Conscience" and demand he read it through. You could be heading down a dark road...

Good luck,

FW

Soledad

Noelle, this man is not for you and for many reasons. Look carefully at the situation you're in. Also carefully read the information available on Jehovah's Witnesses, what they believe and how they act towards non-witnesses.

Frannie Banannie

Noelle, unless you are prepared to give up your former way of life and become a Jehovah's Witness for your man, expect to be dumped when the newness wears off your relationship and he opts to straighten up (according to the JW's criteria) and return to the "fold".

Frannie

blondie

Noelle, are you saying that you are living together under the same roof with this disfellowshipped JW man and his children, not married to each other, having an intimate sexual relationship and he is worred about celebrating Christmas? How is he raising his children JW if he is committing "sexual immorality" per the WTS laws.

Living together and not being married is the bigger issue as far as JWs are concerned. I say put up the Christmas tree and celebrate whatever you want until he drops the hypocritical "I want to be reinstated" pretense. As a non-JW, you can celebrate Christmas and he won't be held responsible. But if you have an intimate physical relationship, he is part of the "sin."

Sorry, I don't to mean to be rude but I see a problem here right now. I wonder what his children are thinking?

What is wrong with this picture?

Love, Blondie

jgnat

I couldn't have said it better, Blondie.

The man is fooling himself if he thinks he is following God's (Watchtower's) Laws. He may have left on the outside but he's never left on the inside.

Noelle, you are fooling yourself if you think you can suppress your celebratory nature for the sake of.....what? An unacknowledged relationship? You deserve to be in a relationship where you can be true to your self. Lots of JW's give gifts to their children the day before or after their "special day" This man seems weirdly hung up on the details while ignoring the elephant in his living room.

Blondie is right. You can celebrate all you like and he is not supposed to interfere. But having sex outside of marriage is a definite no-no.

noelle2375

thanks to all who responded. Yes, we live together, under the same roof, with his kids and we have sex. I agree that celebrating Christmas is the last thing he should be thinking about. He is not teaching his children right by living with me before marriage and having sex before marriage.

I know that I should do what I want in my own home, but I feel for his children. They must be so confused at this point.

I want to leave because I know that this will only get worse, but it is hard to leave. I do love him very much, but I feel like my life will be half lived if I stay with him.

I am going to continue to hang around here if that's cool!

Thanks again!

Noelle

Aude_Sapere

I feel like my life will be half lived if I stay with him.

Sounds like you already know the answers.

-Aude.

stealyourface

Jgnat said

Blondie is right. You can celebrate all you like and he is not supposed to interfere. But having sex outside of marriage is a definite no-no.

I would like to amend that to say unless you are a well connected Elder.

Divided family and confused

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