Hello indireneed
Flip's post made a lot of sense. When first encountering the doctrinal issues presented by the borg, they are refreshingly different and intellectually stimulating. They seem to be an alternative to "mainstream" christianity, which rarely supplies satisfying answers to questions such as why do we die? why do bad things happen? Why do people cling to life so desperately, even though they are suffering (ie. chemotherapy) if they claim to believe that they will go immediately to heaven after they die? The concept that there is no "hell".... that was a big one for me.
Combine these enchanting ideas with a continuous onslaught of caring, loving people who are REALLY invested in your coming into their fold. When she attends the meetings, she is greeted by scores of people who radiate concern for her personal welfare, who nod their heads understandingly when she describes "opposition" and explain it as being a common experience among all there... Her exposure to the jw lifestyle is limited to what she can see at THIS point.
In time, however, the steady supportive momentum leading up to her baptism will cease. She will have made her own sacred oath, and she will be pretty much on her own. Discussion of doubts, inconsistencies in the material, etc. are no no's! If she dwells on these subjects, she will be considered "bad association". If she wears weird nail polish, some control-freak pioneer super-sister will "counsel" her. When she hears the same spiritual role model pioneer sister slander and spew negativity about others' shortcomings (how they make themselves look better to themselves), there is no recourse.
When she fails to live up to her commitment (five meetings, three times a week, at least ten hours of captivity in a car with gossipy people per month, enough studying of the current articles so as to give "deep comments", homeschooling all of her children, volunteering time/food/money to any number of "kingdom interests" on a regular basis, several days-long at a stretch assemblies/ conventions per year.... (THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING) then she will be considered spiritually weak.
Unless she is incredibly self-assured and has tremendous amounts of self-esteem, the following may occur:
In desperation for some kind of perceived status at the hall, she will need YOU to become a jw. Sisters with unbelieving mates are always feeling that there's "more going on behind the scenes, what's up with that?" but they aren't in the "club". She will feel compelled once you're in to cajole you to "reach out for positions of priviledge" as in becoming the microphone holder, the magazine hander-outer, the suck-up to the visiting VIP's, acquiring the status of Ministerial Servant, which in time leads to the great priviledge of "Elder". Then life, as you once knew it, is over; virtually every day and night, you will be required to address various and sundry issues ranging from the absurd to the mundane so as to ensure the smooth functioning of the kingdom hall and the congregation. (If things aren't going well, it is a reflection of YOUR spirituality and the CO will want to know what more you can do.)
If you are financially well-off, the possibility exists that you may be able to squeeze in perhaps a weekend or something every couple of years to have "fun". Your marital relationship will have suffered from lack of attention to the extent that you will look at her in the morning and wonder who she is.
Oops... got a little carried away there.... but I don't think that the above is way beyond exaggerated......
Most average jw's do not live this way, but they feel guilty if they don't, so you are screwed, no matter how much or how little you are able to live up to.
This is a tough situation, and there is much good advice in the thread. She needs to make an INFORMED DECISION, which means seeing things from many perpectives, not just the narrow one they're requiring her to restrict herself to.
Please let us know how things go for you, and many here are able to supply you with documentation and research on just about any subject you need information about!
lauralisa
It's only water from a stranger's tear (Peter Gabriel)
