Why stay married to a JW?

kid-A

Having read a recent thread on "mixed" marriages between active JWs and non-JW (either faders or df'd) two things stood out for me. First, there was a profound underlying sadness on the part of the non-JW poster (as there may also be on the active JW mates part) on the reduced intimacy of the relationship, both mentally and physically. Not being in this situation, but understanding what makes a marriage successful, I cant help but ask a rather harsh question....can anybody in this situation realistically envision how such a marriage can last in the long term?

Can you really love somebody that loves a cult more than you? How can a marriage survive long-term in the absence of real honesty and understanding? More importantly, the biggest psychological divide in such marriages would have to be the whole issue of one of the spouses believing the other is "doomed" to die in the watchtower armageddon (TM). What a bizarre dynamic!

Honestly, I hate to be a pessimist, but can such a marriage possibly survive, and if you are miserable, isnt it better to cut your losses and leave?

blondie

Not every JW is a "true believer" just a socialite. I have seen mixed marriages work where each person is considerate of the other person's boundaries. I find that if a person doesn't do that, the problem is not usually the religion, that is, the person would be inconsiderate, rude, boundary crossing, manipulative, etc., anyway. That's my observation over the years as well as growing up in a mixed religious family.

Blondie

Doubtfully Yours

My husband is a firm JW. However, when I look around and see the terrible things other marriages are struggling through, I'd rather deal with the religious issue anyday.

I do a bit of compromising once in a while. I think he understands my religious struggles and he does quite a bit of compromising on his own too.

Provided he or I don't commit the mortal-marriage sins of infidelity or physical abuse, we'll continue to be alright.

DY

Why Georgia

I sometimes wonder the same thing.

But then I try to be positive. Which is hard at times. Especially this time of the year.

I remember what attracted me to my husband before he ever even told me he was a JW. I keep in mind he is good and moral. He is the best father our children can/could ever have. He loves me and I love him. I genuinely like him. He's my friend.

And I keep working on him about the WTS. I get discouraged. I want to run away...

But I know these things probably happen in other marriages that have nothing to do with the JW's. My mom and step-dad have their fair share of problems and they aren't JW's.

So I will work as hard as it takes to make this marriage work.

WG

kid-A

And if your spouses had to choose, between you and the Watchtower....what would that choice be?

Doubtfully Yours

.........And another thing!

As time goes by, we've become more and more friends. We love to travel, have fun together and we both make each other laugh pretty good. Plus, to top things off, we have this wonderful intimate life that the WBTS might frown upon if they only could plant a bug in our bedroom.

We truly love each other. The WBTS has become in the last couple of months just a religion.

I guess my influence in him is making him realize that a religion shouldn't come between two people that truly love one another.

DY

Finally-Free

Leaving the JWs wreaked havoc on my marriage. My ex viewed me as someone who was going to die at armageddon, so I was essentially a walking corpse in her eyes. Everything I said or did was viewed with distrust. No JW would associate with me, but my ex didn't want me to have "worldly" friends either. My ex felt she had the right to express her JW beliefs, but if I disagreed with anything I was accused of "attacking" her and trying to undermine her faith. In other words, she had freedom of speech and worship in our home, but I did not. A true JW will make the JW activity the central, most important thing in their life, with everything else taking second place. An ex JW does not.

How can a marriage survive if a couple does not share the same goals and priorities in life? I don't think it can.

W

Dimples

All I have to say is that I am glad that my husband stuck it out with me. I was a jw for 10 years while my husband was never a jw. Even though at times I am sure that it was extremely hard for him and he just wanted out, he remained and respected my decision. I found out later that he hoped and prayed that one day I would finally wake up and smell the coffee. Well, 10 years later the awakening happened. Our relationship is couldn't be better and we are completely WHOLE, as when I was a jw our family was completely DIVIDED. Funny though,if you ask a jw if they seperate or divide families they will definely deny it. I am so happy that he stayed and had faith in me. I would be so miserable if we would have seperated and then I finally woke up and had to spend the rest of my life without him.

DIMPLES

jgnat

I think non-JW partners do wonder if they should cut their losses. I know I do. Sometimes people are just adorable enough to be worth sticking it out. We do have many stories here where one partner woke up before the other, counted the cost, and decided to wait out their partner's awakening. Big Tex and Cruzanheart come to mind. I think Blondie and Irreverent more or less left together. Then there's Joyzabel and Jst2Laws.

Or there could be children involved.

There are REASONS we picked each other in the first place, and it doesn't hurt to sit down and think those through once in a while.

jgnat

Oh, yeah. Amazing 1914. He got his whole family out.

Why stay married to a JW?

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