Hi guys. I haven't posted here in a year or so, perhaps more. I'm not sure what I want to say, and I'm not sure that I want to put it down, since the more info you give here, the easier it is to be spotted. I've been inactive (dead?) for several years now. Thankfully, I've been left alone by the elders, except for 1-2 occasions, the last one being relatively dangerous to my status. I don't hang out with "apostates", I don't tell anyone what to do, I just live my life. I go to the Memorial each year as some slight proof to my wife that I'm not completely dead. Here is what I am thinking about... Since I've walked away from the JWs, I've been left with a spiritual limbo. I don't pray anymore, and I'm not even really sure what to believe, because being a JW was so marvelously black and white, everything was clear. It was the loss of this clarity when certain teachings changed, that showed me that God couldn't possibly be directing these changes, it was men, people like you or I. In addition to losing my religion (go ahead, you know you want to hum some REM), I have experienced a personal change in my morals. I'm sure you have gone through this too - you can do things, just because. I find myself pushing the limits of what was once my own personal morality, and I'm wondering if I am letting the pendulum swing too far, because I've lost the moral compass that once kept me in check. I'm OK with my spiritual void for myself, but my sons are at the age where they are asking things like "why doesn't Nanny worship Jehovah?" and "does Daddy worship Jehovah?" I asked my oldest son to explain to me what "worship" means, and he could not tell me. I also worry about having my kids exposed to people at the KH, not just for the possible child molestation, but certain elders that I know are imposing their own personal rules on people, at times. So... I was actual thinking about going back. Crazy, I know. It's that or therapy, because I'm not very happy with the person I have become. It's not that I am a serial killer or something, in fact the "bad things" I have done are laughably mild, but they hurt my conscience. The noblest thing to do would be to leave my wife, tell the WT to take a hike, and seek my own path. But, I love my wife, and my kids deserve a solid home with two parents. As I said initially, this may not make a whole lot of sense, but I had to get it out. Has anyone read "A Purpose Driven Life"? It's received good reviews, and I wonder if it's any good in getting me back on track. Thanks, G.
Is recovery possible?
by gcc2k 22 Replies latest jw friends
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blondie
hey, gcc, think of all the people that are not religious that are moral people with integrity. Do you need an organization to be moral. Even the Bible says that people can be moral without the Bible.
Romans 2:14-15 ***14
For whenever people of the nations that do not have law do by nature the things of the law, these people, although not having law, are a law to themselves. 15 They are the very ones who demonstrate the matter of the law to be written in their hearts, while their conscience is bearing witness with them and, between their own thoughts, they are being accused or even excused. -
gcc2k
I don't believe the WT is God's true organization. I think they have a lot of good people with good hearts and Godly devotion, but they are certainly not qualified to act as God's mouthpiece. No, I don't need an organization to be moral, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult without having some form of godly fear.
This fear is, for me, what keeps me in check. Sure, atheists can be moral as well, but I have always been a God-fearing person, and at the point where I start to wonder whether there is a God or not, I feel like I am in a downwarn spiral.
Thanks for your reply. I've always enjoyed your posts, and you are a good example for me of someone who is "out" (or almost out?) and still able to define a way of worship.
I mentioned therapy - I'm not opposed to it, but I find that therapists will take you in the direction you want to go in. For example, you say "I sometimes think of cheating on my wife" and they say "Well, is that a bad thing? Why?"
The bottom line is that there are things in the past that I would never do. Nowadays, I can do them if I want to. But I know deep down I shouldn't, and I don't want to.
I know this is all very amorphous without getting into specifics, but that's the best I can do. Sorry for the earlier formatting, this site still does not seem to support non-IE browsers.
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Lady Lee
With or wothout an organization I find that if I can go to bed at night and feel good about the choices I have made then I am healing.
There are so many things in the whole world to distract us from being the kind of person we can feel good about the kind of person your kids are proud to have as a dad..
Finding what works for YOU is the important thing. If it isn't working for you then it will not be working for the people you care about.
These days it seems you don't have to be disfellowshipped to be tarred with that brush. Disassociation and disfellowshipping have become a new title with an announcment that "so-and-so is no longer a JW" So it seems being one or the other really doesn't make much diffference anymore. And in some cong they are hunting down those who are irregular and asking if they still believe the WTS is God's mouthpiece. So watch your back.
You might want to do some reading here. In particular look for a poster ithinkisee. He did a whole series of threads on helping to get his wife free.
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AK - Jeff
Your situation seems like a fairly common one to me. I have had some of the same thoughts about losing my life compass.
I have been 'out' about 2 years now. Wifey left at the same time. We call ourselves Christian although we attend no formal religious venue. We have maintained the same morals as before, and are God fearing. We have a distaste for organized religion I think, although wifey has attended a few church services.
You had mentioned the black and white nature of the organization. Seems to indicate that you need someone to make the rules for you? I think that most of us were of that sort to a degree - hence the attraction to the organization to begin with. Now though, we know that the rule-makers are perhaps actually wicked task-masters, hiding the truth and allowing the sheep to fall into pits. How can we go back?
I have a copy of A Purpose Driven Life - it seems ok to me, but I did not find it particularly insightful. In fact, I cannot recall much of it's contents.
I know this seems like a difficult matter - but what you need to do is, IMHO, make sure your wife knows you are committed to her and the family, then get busy finding a spiritual direction. Go to a local church if you need that sort of touchtone to keep in touch with your spiritual side. Do not return to the organization unless you truly want to commit to it. Do not be a shell! This is a hard course to take for all who leave the organization. They make it tough to leave without major injury.
We at JWD will help you if we can. You must set your moral compass, then follow it. To take the 'easy way out' and return to falsehood and lies does not seem the answer to me. Pm me if u like. We can talk, I'll give you my number, no caller ID.
Just my Opinion -
Jeff
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Lady Lee
Here is the list of ithinkisee's threads
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/77580/1741423/post.ashx#1741423
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daystar
Loss of a moral compass is a difficult thing to become accustomed to. Some people, having lost belief in God, embrace secular humanism, which is really just all the general Judea-Christian moral rules without the dogma. The only real problem I see with secular humanism is a lack of an informing Authority. If you go beyond that, you must forge your own path, and it can sometimes be very scary and perhaps even dangerous.
Out of personal experience, the pendulum does tend to swing a bit when the constraints are gone. You sound like you sort of know about that. It can be a bit unnerving when you still unconsciously retain the majority of the prior moral code.
However, I've found that it will tend to swing back the other way again and center a bit more in a balanced center. YMMV.
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Curious Christian
Hi!
I hope that before you decide to re-join, you will read Toxic Faith. It does not put down any religion and may help you to see things from a different perspective. Another great resource is Combatting Cult Mind Control. Again, it does not put down religions per se, but helps you to see why you are going through some of the issues you mentioned. Therapy would be great, but you would likely need someone who knows how to deal with mind control issues. A support group for former JWs might be a big help for you. I truly hope you stay with your family. You are right. Your children need you. Think of what might happen if you are not there to protect them when they need it. If my information serves to be true, while you were in the JWs, you were repeatedly taught that anyone who leaves the organization will fall in to immoral behavior....right? Could it be that subconsciously, you are doing what is "expected"? I hope you will consider the two books I mentioned. You can get them anywhere, sometimes CHEAP on e-bay. In the meantime, remember how much your kids need their Dad. Do not let anyone take that reality away from you. I would say that they are very fortunate to have you. You seem to love them so very much. That is worth fighting for. -
forsharry
I bought "A Purpose Driven Life" the other day. My work associate is reading it and she says that it's a very good book and really helps you examing just what you're doing with your life and how to go about making positive life changes. I would recommend it if you're feeling a bit out of sorts.
I feel for you. I've been in that limbo you describe and I understand that strange want to go back if nothing else just to return to what's comfortable to you. I always ask myself, "Am I being true to MYSELF in whatever actions I am peforming? Am I making the right decision for my happiness?" If you can happily return to the flock, then by all means, go! What is vinegar for one is fine wine for another. None of us have a right to judge whatever decisions you choose to make for yourself, your wife or your family.
However, going to therapy might not be a bad thing. There's obviously gotta be something niggling you to even consider that route. I would say try to find one that has experience in dealing with people who are exiting cults, or who have experience in dealing with JWs. It could be if nothing else, an arbitrarily objective person to release to.
It's scary to lose your way. You're not alone there...but you can find yourself, and contentment if you try. Best of luck. I know we're here for you...
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MsMcDucket
I have to say that I was never "comfortable" being a witness. When I left, I thought I was a goat destined for destruction. I felt that I was weak. I felt this way for many years. I kept feeling like I had to prove something to the people in the congregation, not to god. It took the baptism of my children into the organization to snap that hold. I wish I would have seen the light sooner.