Puns- Know any? (page 2)

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My high school physics teacher was Mr. Toler. (toe-ler)

He was the best teacher in the school and was fun and eccentric and loved to crack puns all the time. He kept a sign on his classroom wall that said: "No Punography will be Tolerated".

Angharad

(I tell you. All I know is kid stuff!)

lol me too

What do you call a fly with no wings?

....A walk

Can't think of any puns !

Sparkplug

Ok, I am cracking up. There are some very clever puns posted.

Got another one....

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Plummet

A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces:

"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.

Gopher

Q: Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?

A: Because if you add 4 and 4, you will get 8 !!

(The above was stolen from the side of a Dixie cup)

This one is for waiters/waitresses near any American summer convention of JW's:

What's the difference between a canoe and a JW?

A canoe is more likely to TIP.

GoingGoingGone

This is my son's favorite Bible joke:

Q: Who has the stretchiest skin in the Bible?

A: The man who tied his ass to a tree and walked 2 miles.

GGG

sir82

The zoo hired a new night watchman. One night, as he was making his rounds, he heard a whisper, "Yo! night watchman! Over here!"

He looked around, but saw no one.

"Over here--in the dolphin pool!" The watchman walks over, and is surprised to find a talking porpoise. In fact, all the porpoises are there waiting for him.

"Listen, buddy," their spokes-porpoise says. "you've got to help us out. The last night watchman was really good--but he's gone now, so its up to you. As you can see, we're not your normal every-day porpoises."

"I should say not" replies the watchman. "For one thing, you can talk."

"Yeah, yeah, but that's not all. Besides that, each of us are over 1000 years old. In fact, we can live forever--so long as we eat the proper diet. We need to eat seagulls--lots and lot of seagulls--don't ask me to explain, it just works. But you can see we're stuck in this pool, and dead seagulls don't just drop in every day. That's where you come in. Just like the last watchman, we need you go down down to the beach and clobber as many seagulls as you can , then bring them back to us."

The night watchman thinks it over, and figures it's a good idea to try to help out the ancient talking porpoises. So he decides to go down to the beach to do as they asked.

But he's supposed to be guarding the zoo-if he's gone, what will prevent break-ins?

He finally comes up with an idea--on his way out, he'll let the lions out of their cages. Any intruder would be eaten by the lions, so the zoo would be safe. So that's what he does.

He next heads to the beach, where he spends hours clobbering seagulls and stuffing them into a bag.

When he returns, he realizes he hasn't though his plan thru very carefully--how will he get back into the zoo? The lions are still out there.

So he figures he'll just wait until the lions fall asleep.

Sure enough, after about an hour, the lions stretch out and are soon snoring.

So, he very carefully sneaks back thru the zoo, stepping over teh lions on his way over to the dolphin pool and is just about to call out, when 3 bright searchlights suddenly flash up. A voice from a megaphone shouts "Freeze! You're under arrest!"

An armed policeman come up and leads him away. What was the charge?

.

Wait for it

.

The charge was

.

Transporting gulls across staid lions for immortal porpoises.

Puns- Know any?