The sacrifice of a child, for pioneer hours.

by Gill 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  Gill

  Children are an expendable part of the the WTBTS. If they're worldly children, they're insignificant as they're going to die anyway when Armageddon comes. If they're JW children, they only survive because of their parents 'good standing' and then their needs must always come after their parents 'God' the demands of the almighty WTBTS.

  I was walking home from school this morning past the home where about 16 years ago, a single mother and her tiny little boy used to live. At the time, my cousin, a lovely girl but sadly an extreme fanatical JW, (still is by the way) was a FT Pioneer. The single mum had a baby boy. The child and the mother had been abandoned by the father, a spanish man and they lived in council accomadation. Very few people knew about this little boy. The mother was out regularly shopping and always left the baby at home on his own, (extremely illegal in the UK, by the way.) As the child got more mobile the mother would strap him into his cot with reigns and then go out for a few hours, or a day, whatever she pleased. My cousin was studying with this girl and she knew about what was happening to the child. She said as the little boy grew into a toddler, he would scream at and attack his mother in rage. But when mother went out she still left him tied to his cot. On a couple of occassions when she came back, the child was hanging by his reigns as he had broken through the bottom of the cot. I wanted to report her to the authorities or the NSPCC but my cousin would not hear of it. She swore she could change the girl with her bible studies. And also, she didn't want the girl to find out she had reported her and lose several precious hours of her time. At the time pioneer hours were still 90 hours per month.

  And so we did NOTHING. After a couple of years the girl and the baby moved away to London and I have been haunted by the little boy ever since. He suffered for the sake of a few more hours in the WTBTS coffers. We could have done something.

  I wonder what became of him. I hope someone with more sense found out what was happening and reported his mother.

  I'm ashamed of myself for not having helped him. All for the sake of a cousins hours. Warped reasoning.

  I haven't covered many details here in the hope (though I don't expect it to be so) but in the hope that my cousin is reading this.

  Now that she has four children of her own, I hope she feels the same guilt that I still do.
• 

  luna2

  That's so sad, Gill.

  If I'd run across such a situation as a witnoid I know I would have been conflicted too. You think that if you follow the Jdub rules of study, meeting attendance, prayer and service, that all things can be corrected. It's a joke, but that's what you think. I can imagine hoping that studying with this girl would change her into a caring, responsible person and a good parent. I can imagine being worried that I'd lose the study if I turned her in. We were all so blind and deluded as devout JWs.
• 

  Gill

  Hi luna2!

  It's incredible to me that we could have been quite so stupid, still. Thinking back, it was obviously a case where this woman needed some intervention from the authorities, even if it was just being told what the 'rules' were and someone making sure she stuck to them.

  But, some of the issues affecting children is really stupid and superstitious. At the cong we used to attend, there was a habit/ritual that all pregnant women would pioneer for as long as they could during their pregnancies, no matter what detriment to their health. There was a particular elder who had nine children and would visit women when they became pregnant misusing the scripture, I can only paraphrase, but words to the effect that 'she would be kept safe through child bearing if she put the kingdom first.' On particular sister had two concurrent miscarriages after her first baby. She believed that if she pioneered the first four months she would not have another miscarriage, simply because of the misquoting of this scripture. Her fourth pregnancy, her doctor warned her that she must take bed rest of risk another miscarriage. The fourth prenancy went well. So, misquoting by this particular crack pot elder may have caused this woman the heart ache of two miscarriages. Her own stupidity in listening to him also contributed of course. All superstition, in my view.

  Also, several women with young children, neglected their little ones and put pioneering first. Either the child/children were dragged out in service, no matter what the weather, or they were left at home to their own devices.

  JW land is no place for children.
• 

  vitty

  This is another side of sacrificing children.

  I knew a pioneer sister who took her baby out inthe SNOW, it was howling winds and a snow storm, but there she was . I was horrified and said it didnt look good, but she was adamant she had to get her hours in

  I also knew of a pioneer who took her baby out from an early age, she was so smug to other mums who stopped pioneering when they had kids, until she was told by the health visitor that he was way behind with his speaking, and walking skills and that she needed to spend more time with him, just talking to him and letting him get out of the buggy and just play.

  God this makes me so mad thinking about it again
• 

  Mulan

  About 30 years ago, a friend of mine had a Bible Study with a woman who had a new baby. When her baby was sleeping, she often would go shopping, or to the University (she was a medical student), or out to lunch. It didn't occur to her that this wasn't all right. My friend had two little kids and did talk to her about it several times. She wouldn't reason on it, and thought it was perfectly all right, since the baby would be asleep when she left and asleep when she got home, so "what's the harm?".

  I never knew what happened there. The woman only studied a few times.
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  banished1

  Dont beat yourself up too much Gil. Alot of us are alot more aware of what is right and wrong in regard to the welfare of children these days. Education regarding the proper treatment of children and the elderly and prisoners and the retarded has been featured in the news all over the world of late.
  New laws are passed and new guidelines are formed everyday.
  
  Like most of us you are telling yourself "the next time I will do the right thing to protect the helpless"
  
  For me, what comes to mind is the experience of not standing up to a doctor once who dropped a latex glove on the dirty floor and then used it to do a rectal examination on a loved one.
  
  When he dropped the glove and picked it up and proceeded to put it on, I stopped him and said "Doctor, you just dropped that glove on the dirty floor!"
  He looked at his student doctor (who then looked at the ground) and then at me and stated blankly that the area he was investigating was not a sterile area!
  
  I was stunned and unable to speak or move! I guess I treated him with the same respect I would an elder in those days!
  
  To this day I accompany all my loved ones to the doctors and prepare myself to defend them against abuse.
  
  I should have ripped the glove from his hand and gottem him another.
  But I only have the future to improve. I can do nothing about the past.
  Fortunately my relative suffered no adverse effects.
• 

  skyman

  What we all have done to preach the good news. You will never forget this just like I will never forget the people I hurt to keep the congregation clean. I also wonder about the people I hurt doing what I thought at the time was an apointment from GOD.
• 

  tall penguin

  Hi Gill,
  That's an awful story. If you will, I'd like to relate a similar story of my own.
  Over a year ago, a few months before I started my fade, I was studying with a young girl, 9 years old. Her mother would also study occasionally with another older sister and her brother, 12 years old, studied with a brother in my congregation.
  The little girl really enjoyed her studies and came to almost every meeting with me during the summer she was off from school. She was such a joy to everyone there. I and the other young ones in the congregation would make a point of taking her out for a snack after some meetings as she'd often express how she hadn't had any dinner. Which I thought was odd.
  The times I went for her study I'd notice that it was just her and her brother alone downstairs watching a lot of tv, while Mom, tired and depressed, slept upstairs. Dad was usually at work. My study told me that most of the time they had to make their own meals. The feeling in that house was kind of strange but I couldn't put my finger on it.
  Sometimes when I'd pick her up for the meeting, this girl would look sad. I had witnessed her mom yelling at her to get ready since I was waiting. I assured mom that there was no hurry, but I could tell that the yelling was a regular thing.
  One Sunday morning, I had picked her up for the meeting and she looked very sullen. She didn't want to talk so I just gave her a hug and told her I was there to listen if she wanted. When we got to the hall, she wasn't socializing with the other kids (as she loved to do). The meeting started and we stood up for the song.
  I put my arm around her and I could see the tears starting to well up in her eyes. I said, "Let's go downstairs and talk." So I took her into the kitchen in the kh basement and sat her on my knee and just hugged her as she sat there sobbing and crying. I waited for her to talk. Slowly she revealed that she was left alone with her brother a lot and he would often tie her up and beat her. He'd also wave a knife in her face and threaten to kill her. She also said that their mother had choked both her and her brother on a few occasions.
  Their baby brother had also died recently (one of the reasons I was asked to study with this girl to begin with; to give her an opportunity to talk about her brother's death and teach her about the resurrection. This girl had actually gone on a hunger strike because she wanted to die to be with her baby brother in heaven.) Anyhow, the girl told me how her older brother said that he'd wished that she had died instead of the baby. And he would often threaten to kill her to get rid of her.
  I was aghast yet not surprised. I had a sense something was up and now I knew what it was. I resolved to call the Child Services people and let them know what I'd heard. I spoke to my fave elder in the hall (the fleshly brother of the sister who studied occasionally with this girl's mother btw) and he was in full support of my decision. So I called Child Services and found out that there was already a file open on this family and in fact, one older child had already been removed from the house by them. I felt relieved.
  The last I heard, the girl and her brother were asked by Child Services if they wanted to go back to the home. The brother did. The girl did not. I have no idea what happened from there. I just know there was some fallout at the kh afterwards.
  The elder's sister, the one who studied with this girl's mom, called me one night in a rage, interrogating me as to whether I was the one who called Child Services. I refused to answer her saying it was none of her business.
  The sister than revealed that the mother had found out that I was the one who called (Stupid Child Services told her) and had called the sister to blast her for my involvement. The sister didn't feel that it was my right to interfere in this "spiritual" matter. I told her that it was the legal obligation in this country to report child abuse and that there was no conflict there with my spiritual ogligations. The two issues were completely separate. She disagreed.
  I got off the phone and called the elder. He still supported me and told me he'd take care of his sister. Which he did. She never discussed it with me again, although she barely spoke to me at the kh after this. Prior to that we'd been close. So sad.
  I have no idea what happened to this little girl. I hope one day she'll look me up. She always said that she wanted to be a jw like me when she grew up. I hope she'll find me before she makes that choice. Regardless, I just hope that wherever she is, she's safe now.
  tall penguin
• 

  Gill

  Vitty - I know of many mums who dragged their poor kids out on service while pioneering. Pioneering seemed to be the only thing that gave them a sense of self worth. We know what organization took away their sense of worth even for having children in the first place, don't we.

  Mulan - It seems that some people just don't 'get it' that child rearing is a 24/7 job for at least 18 years!

  banished - I have been in a similar position to you when it comes to not having stuck up for a loved one. Never again!

  skyman - The things we did and the people we hurt for 'da troof' is haunting!

  Tall Penguin - Well done you! I hope that little girl is all right and does look you up one day.
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  Es

  wow im actually speechless....that poor poor child. Some woman dont deserve to have children i know this is harsh buts its so true

  es