Aged parents........... (page 2)

BrendaCloutier

((( Vitty )))

If you had a separate apartment that elder parent(s) could live in, it would't be quite so intrusive nor frustrating for both parties. Unfortunately that is a luxury that most cannot afford.

Kevan's parents are moving into a senior assisted living residence this coming spring. They took in and supported her mother, and his parents in their last days. The swore they wouldn't do that to their kids. Sadly they are only in their late 70's. Helen has alzeheimers and is in need of the structure of the home. Dick is fully there and functional and I know is going to hate it. They are keeping the farm for a while until a friend is ready to buy it and move down.

Tough sad stuff.

Hugs

B

Why Georgia

I will gladly take the title of "Selfish"..

As I said, I would take care of my parents because I love them and I am an only child.

But hubby's mom - no way. She has done nothing but be evil to me and my kids and cause trouble for us in everyway she can. Let someone at the KH take care of her...after all, she wouldn't even take care of her own mother. She had the KH people do it....so if its good enough for her mom...let it be good enough for her.

WG - of the don't judge me until you've spent a day with my mother in law class.

Elsewhere

Oops... posted in the wrong thread.

Crumpet

Vitty I understand. i would not have my own parents live with me - well they made me leave home at 16 and have only spoken to me for one year since then as I've been disfellowshiped off and on,.

However I love my boyfriends parents increasingly. Its been a bond that has slowly grown over the last 7 years. They are in their 60's and I have discussed with my bf hat I would want one of them to live with us if one of them passed away.

However his mother has said several times that she'd never expect her children to look after her and if she wasn't capable of looking after herself she would pay her own way in a nice residential home. Still I mean my offer and am aware of the difficulties that could ensue, but I'd consider it a privledge after all they've done for me.

Princess

WG - of the don't judge me until you've spent a day with my mother in law class.

True, I'd hesitate to live with my MIL as well, but I'd do it if she had no alternative. Right is right.

The memories I have of my grandmother from my childhood are not the greatest. She made my mom cry a lot. When we visited it was torture because we weren't allowed to touch anything and there was nothing to do. She really was not a nice person and I was shocked when mom (Mulan) told me grandma was moving in with her. I thought it was going to be a huge disaster but it turned out to be the best thing for both of them. After 50 some years they were able to repair their relationship.

True, Mulan had a nice setup for her parents with a separate apartment downstairs. It made it much more private for everyone but it was still very intrusive and a stressful, busy life for her and my dad.

These people aren't going to live forever. It's only for a few years. I doubt you'd express regrets afterward if you took them in, but you might be filled with regrets if you turned them away when they needed you. Everyone's situation is different.

Not judging, just adding my 2 cents.

Rachel

ChrisVance

I'm very disturbed by the selfishness of the responses here. THEY ARE YOUR PARENTS, FOR PETE'S SAKE.................or your in laws. Don't you feel any obligation to them...................will you just let them rot?

Mulan, I usually enjoy your posts, and I think it's wonderful that your've been able to care for your parents. However, I think you're failing to take into consideration that not everybody has the where-with-all to take care of someone who's hard to get along with. We don't all have the same emotional resources. I wouldn't take care of my mother, if she needed it, because she rejected me for being gay. Since my very being is something that disgusts her, let jojoba take care of her.

Of course, that's easy to say since I know my older brother, who is still a dub, would take on the responsibility. However, if I were an only child I think she could find herself a nursing home.

luna2

Hope you don't feel forced to do something that will make you unhappy.

I'm sorry, but this is just selfish.

Ouch...thanks.

Mulan, I'm glad that your decision to have parents and inlaws live with you worked out well in the end, but each of us has our own set of circumstances. I was merely expressing the hope that vitty didn't end up in a situation that made her miserable. From her initial post, it looks like she is fully prepared to invite her FIL to live in her home even though she's not exactly delighted about it.

I can assure you that I wouldn't let either of my parents go hang either...but I can still hope that we will be able to come up with an arrangement that would suit all of us if/when they can no longer live on their own.

Mary

Mulan said: I'm sorry, but this is just selfish. A few years putting up with a difficult elderly person is not that big of a deal.

Uh yes it IS a big deal and a good friend of mine ended up having a heart attack because of the stress it caused by having his mother live with them. She was a pain in the ass, very demanding and very selfish. It wasn't just old age either, she was like that even when she was young. As far as I'm concerned, what goes around, comes around. You wanna treat your son/daughter in law like crap when they're young, don't expect them to look after you when you're old.

mrsjones5

You wanna treat your son/daughter in law like crap when they're young, don't expect them to look after you when you're old.

Or if you treat your kids like crap when they're young you better hope they werent taking notes and dont have to take care of you when youre old.

blondie

Or if you treat your kids like crap when they're young you better hope they werent taking notes and dont have to take care of you when youre old.

Amen.

My father is my unrepentant molester and my mother is his unrepentant enabler.

I made it clear about 7 years ago that they were on their own and that they better have friends or other relatives that would take care of them.

But believe it or not I would not let them end up in the street but I would do it through a third party.

Blondie

Aged parents...........

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