by Rayvin 53 Replies latest jw friends
Is your husband a JW? If not, blame it on him.
That's what Gina and and I did. I got DF'd for it, but she got off scott-free. But that was to avoid getting her DF'd. It sounds like you're more concerned with how people perceive it -- family and such. Blaming it on hubby would still work in that case, but if he's the one that's overly concerned... hmmm...
Why does he care? Does he want to be reinstated?
Dave
tell them you needed something to hang your ornaments on.
You don't have to discuss anything with them! Tell them that you're not ready to talk about it at this time. And never be ready to talk about it...
Guys and gals,
Her mother and father are both still JW. Her husband's mother is a JW. Her husband is DFd. She is only inactive, if that.
Her mother has been battling cancer for... 10 years? And she is a rather devout, judgemental, manipulative JW.
Rayvin has three children. She wants to celebrate X-mas in true fashion, but at the same time, wants to be able to rationalize it away to any JWs who might discover that they are celebrating it, in a way that will somehow protect her from having to hear "I guess I just won't see any of my kids in Paradise" *sob sob* from her mother and having to deal with knocks on her door, or calls from "concerned" members of the local congregation.
My opinion, being very close to the situation, is that they should either stick with the little, easily hidden tree, or decide upon complete transparency and deal with the consequences rather than having to always sneak around to do such things.
There really isn't any debate with any JW to be had, IMO. It will come to no good. She is not going to convince them that it's okay if she and her family celebrate Christmas, without some consequences.
There really isn't any debate with any JW to be had, IMO. It will come to no good.
Agreed. Lying can get them to leave you alone, but there's no truthful, honest way to deal with them to a good end.
Sad, but true.
Dave
Well, I'd allow for an uncomfortable pause, then say, "Merry Christmas?"
Pull an Ol' Billy statement....
"Define Christmas Tree"...
"I did not decorate that tree"....
Then take it all back say you didn't lie you mislead them. Get them all confused as hell.
Or, you could pretend you have no idea what they are talking about. "What tree?" 'I don't see a tree!"
Or, pretend you are crazy. Develop a short term memory loss. (elders) "We saw you have a Christmas tree in your living room..." (you) "I am fine thank you" (elders) "Sister....we saw you have a Christmas tree....." (you)" Hi brothers...How are you this evening?" Keep it going. That would be fun!
Brooke
Ask them if it isn't the most beautiful thing they have ever saw!
Rayvin,
Hon, life is too short to worry about what uptight JWs are gonna think and say! If you want a tree, and if you want to give your kids a Christmas to remember, and if your hubby has no objection----go for it! Do not allow anyone to rob your joy in this....or cause you to live in dread of what they may think.
Sadly, I raised my five kids and a grandson without Christmas, and I so regret that. So many wonderful (possible) memories that never got off the ground.....all for a lying, manipulative CULT that expects you to OBEY them!!
If and when they ask what's up with the tree.....you can just be totally honest and say that you think it looks pretty, just like the vase of flowers on the table in the dining room (or whatever other non-holiday decorations you may have around the house)! LET'EM say whatever they want to and leave (or not)......remembering that this IS your home and THEY are merely guests IN it!
You owe NO explanation for whatever way you choose to decorate your home, now or at any time of the year! It does not matter what they think---they aren't paying your bills and oh yes----are not your conscience.
By the time I smartened up (six years ago) only my grandson was still living at home.....so those 30 years were gone as far as my other kids went....(as kids)..but I was like a kid myself when I put up the lights, the ornaments, and picked up a few things to make a small village on top of the entertainment center. I have added new figures and buildings for the village each year and I can't wait to put it up again this year! Starting new traditions is such a great feeling......don't deprive yourself OR your kids of this for another moment!
What the JWs think is NOT important! The less "hold" they have over you and how you live your life---the less important they will seem, and you will lose this feeling of dread and worry about the "what ifs" that they present.
Let us know how it goes....and what good stuff you have planned for your Christmas!
hugs,
Annie
"What tree?"
Nina
