So, You Want To Be An Elder?

by metatron 18 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  metatron

  I'm writing this in the spirit of full disclosure and honesty. If you really want to be an elder, you should get the whole story and honestly

  weigh how it may affect your life. The Watchtower ( Jan 1, etc) will only tell you one side.

  First, consider the additional stress on yourself and your family. I was approached by one of the elders in my congregation who asked me

  about becoming one. He was shocked that I politely refused. I had already observed the casualty rate among elders! I saw that most

  of them suffered from stress related ailments, had a nervous breakdown, had their kids 'fall out of the truth', had their marriage fall apart, lost

  their job (and couldn't get retrained or go to college) or otherwise seemed somehow 'cursed' - which I attributed, at the time, to a Satan-led

  world - which brings me to point two:

  Don't try to be "Gary Cooper"! Eventually, I succumbed to "theocratic" appeals and "reached out" and was appointed an elder. My biggest

  motivation was that I thought that the congregation was suffering and that the elders didn't know what to do about it. I would fix things!

  WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! With the theme from "High Noon" playing in my head, I sought to "set things right". What I failed to see was

  that most Witness problems are a direct result of being "in the truth"! This leads us to point three:

  Games Elders Play - If you are newly appointed as an elder, you may be treated as a "dumping ground" for any responsibility that any

  existing elder wants to get rid of - such as conducting the Ministry School or some malaise-ridden Book Study. Beware!

  Another game that elders don't discuss is The Inner Circle. You have 2 - 3 elders who know everything and do everything - while the

  rest do little or nothing. The result is that all sorts of scandals go on right under your nose and you're none the wiser. Your dear wife may

  know about Johnny Elderson molesting girls in the congregation, but somehow the topic never comes up at any elders' meeting. This will

  cause you to ask yourself , why am I here? why am I an elder?

  Still another elder's game? The Good Old Boys Club - it's not good to ask too many questions about Joe Elder's daughter getting

  caught with dope - and why she didn't get disfellowshipped. I can guarantee you, Joe Elder will remember and 'get back' at you when

  he gets the chance! You may not think so, but you are dealing with people who are highly jealous and vengeful. If you or your kid get into

  trouble, suddenly a thought will emerge that things have gotten too lax and "an example needs to be set".

  Another warning to potential elders: Most Circuit Overseers are weasels that I wouldn't trust with my wallet, my life or anything

  else! Yes, there are a few decent men left - but by far, the organization is dominated by 'yes' men who possess no conscience beyond

  whatever the Society's rules demand.

  Finally, a word about your wife. Yes, your beloved wife would love to be an "elderess". One older sister compared it with being a "colonel's

  wife" and getting into the social circle associated with the officers - but you might want to warn 'Lady Macbeth' about long meetings

  spent apart from her, less time for her and the kids .......... and that private counsel you have to give to poor Sister Nicemelons.

  You may want to offer her better vacations instead.

  Beyond all this, there's the pressure of conducting meetings, "being an example" all the time, getting in your ten hours a month minimum

  and dealing with the ennui of it all. If you still wanna be one, good luck - but you can't say you weren't warned.

  metatron
• 

  TheListener

  Well said.

  I would like to add - phone calls every night from various congregation members wanting help with every aspect of their life. See if you wife enjoys you talking on the phone to sister nicemelons several nights a week in private.

  And if you're a nice person who the friends feel will give them a fair shake, you'll never get any peace.
• 

  sir82

  And don't forget the wonderful privileges that will be extended to you (particularly if not in the Inner Circle, or are a newbie elder)...

  -- Getting to lead field service meetings on national holidays, when all other sane people are at home with their families

  -- Trying to round up enough brothers to mop up your section of the assembly hall / district convention site

  -- Giving "Local Needs" parts on delicate problems such as sisters wearing their skirts a half-inch too high

  -- Coordinating a gaggle of blue-haired matriarchs to provide enough food for your congregation's spring cleanup day

  -- Being volunteered to serve on thankless time-consuming committees (building maintenance, hospital visitation, etc.)
• 

  minimus

  Good elders are politicians. They know how and when to either back off or go for the jugular.
• 

  undercover

  Good elders are politicians. They know how and when to either back off or go for the jugular.

  That's a good analogy.

  After thinking on that a bit, I realized that all the elders that I would call "good" were ones that knew what battles to fight and which ones to ignore, including the little things that a lot of the friends did that could get them called on the carpet. But the "bad" elders were always ready to argue a point and push the WTS agenda down everybody's throat. Some of them may have felt they were doing the right thing, but most of them were trying to bully people and move up the theocratic ladder.

  It's ironic that a religion that spurns politics has so much of it in their leadership roles.
• 

  Confession

  I generally enjoyed being an elder--and I think I was one for the right reasons. I just struggled with the constant pressure of preparing talks and parts while trying to cope with an out-of-control, alcoholic wife. Finally stepped aside.
• 

  VM44
• 

  LDH

  This reminds me of a conversation I had with a door-knocker about two months ago. Sharp black lady, about my age, with her mom. Almost 75 or so.

  When I have the mental energy I will post the whole story, because we talked for one hour. I recall one sentence where she beamingly told me her husband was....an ELDER!!!! She was so proud. I simply said, "I'm so sorry to hear that!" When she asked what I meant, I said it was not appropriate for a family man to be spending long hours away from his wife and two boys. I said that the issues that elders deal with, they are in no way trained or qualified for, and in my opinion, has a very negative effect on the family.

  Like any good corporation, they only tell you about the roses, not the thorns. Be careful what you commit to.
• 

  willyloman

  I sought to "set things right". What I failed to see was that most Witness problems are a direct result of being "in the truth"!

  That's one of the more profound statements that have been made on this topic.

  I think the hardest thing about being an elder is that you are allowed to enter the inner sanctum where you are exposed to "the soft underbelly" of the beast known as the WT Society. This is why elders are supposed to be carefully screened and "tested as to fitness," which is another way of saying they have bought the party line and proven it to the satisfaction of others.

  The organization, which is made to appear so pure and glossy when you first join, is nothing more than a man-made, politically-charged, old boys' club. Elders quickly fall into one of two categories: You're either serious, or you're not. The serious guys love the politics, the jockeying for position, the self-importance that attaches to the position. The others lag behind and complain about how things are run -- which is never exactly the way they want them to run.

  It was my thinking that if you join the leadership team you ought to take a leadership role, so I was one of the serious ones. It killed me that others weren't. I spent 20 years trying to "fix" a flawed system. In the end, when I realized I was completely duped, I dropped out. It wasn't worth the effort. I came to realize the problems within the organization are systemic. There is no better congregation down the road. There is no CO who's going to rotate in and take care of business.

  This dysfunctionalism... IS the business of dubdom. It's what makes the sect unique.
• 

  Wasanelder Once

  This is my first post in ages, my comp crashed and I lost my logon stuff. But now I'm back!

  So, here goes,

  In the world of the Theocratic man there is complete service to God and token service. Complete service means never saying "NO" to any assignment. Logically, Elderhood should be the goal of all men. So, in line with that, many sincerely seek to serve completely. I did. The cold hard facts are soon known. You cannot do anything about anything. ITs up to Jehovah to follow the rules because no man may be censured for imperfect actions, unless it pisses off someone with more influence than you. So, all elders are guilty of perpetuating a falsehood, there is justice and mercy in the organization. There is only petty little fifedoms that will strip you of you dignity when they get the chance. The "Truth" is a symptom, not an answer.

  Was Once