friends

John Doe

Henry Adams once said “One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible.” Anyone experienced in life knows the truth of this statement: a true friend is one of life’s rarest commodities. [...]Life is a road traveled by many--long and twisting are its pathways. Destinations are rarely clear, and souls wander aimlessly along byways littered with odious obstacles. Lucky are those who have found a catalyst--a friend to intensify joy and straighten paths, for they will never again feel lost or disconsolate. Their roads traverse fields flowing with clover, and angels’ laughter gurgles like brooks running through a wasteland.

This is part of an essay I wrote about the best friend I ever had. Have any of you ever thought something similar?

sass_my_frass

Absolutely. A friend is a very precious thing. Shame that people are willing to lose one over their life choices.

It's a long story, but suffice it to say I'm no longer friends with this person. I met her when her marriage was falling apart, and well, you can probably guess the rest. (She was an English professor of mine.) We tried over the last two years to make a friendship work, but when she rebuilt her marriage, we went separate directions and our relationship got wierd. I'm still scratching my head over the whole thing. Sometimes I think everything is an illusion.

defd

I met her when her marriage was falling apart,I'm still scratching my head over the whole thing.

That is the problem. NEVER get involved with someone who is married plain and simple.

D.

John Doe

So, married people can't have friends? Interesting that you haven't heard a fraction of the story and you have it pegged. Must be nice for life to be so simple.

defd

John

what you wrote speaks volumes. Been there, done that!

D.

John Doe

I guess my point is that I've had numerous married female friends that remained completely honorable. I don't see a problem with that. I trhink the problem was I met her when she was having marrital problems (the hadn't slept in the same bedroom for 2 years). Had her marriage been strong, I have no doubts that she would still be the best friend I've ever had. But there is no doubt that we got way too close. She made a pass on me, and I didn't stop it. I returned the gesture. We never made love, but we went as far as you can go. That one night cost us both a dear freindship. I still have mixed feelings about it. Rage, grief, embarassment, humiliation, regret, anxst, you name it. I nevr mistrusted myself until her. Once you come to mistrust yourself, nothing seems certain anymore.

defd

I hear ya. All I know is that I do not get TOO CLOSE with members of the opposite sex. The heart is desperate.

D.

Sunspot

I have had several really good friends over the years. The best and "most-in-common" friend died in 1991 of cancer and I miss her terribly. We had been real best-buds since 1974. We shared everything from music to movies to having nonJW hubbies to having five kids all the same ages....and sharing or innermost thoughts and secrets with one another.

Unfortunately (for me) most of the friends that I have "lost" over the years were the ones the I dumped when I became a JW.....simply because they weren't JWs and were considered bad association. They weren't anything of the kind.....but we all know how the WTS feels about those "worldly" friendships, don't we?

I carry the guilt around with me today, knowing that I had hurt them for such as asinine reason......goodness knows where we would have been today, probably bragging about our grandkids and swapping knitting patterns...

I have lost track of them all by this time, and have read death notices in the papers every so often so I know where some of them ended up geographically speaking. If I had it to do over again....I certainly would not allow anyone or anything to determine who I will remain friendly with and who is to be "labeled" by a dictatorial religion of all things!

Friends are precious and we should value them as such.

Annie........sadder and wiser

John Doe

All I know is that I do not get TOO CLOSE with members of the opposite sex. The heart is desperate.

My best friends have always been female. How do we distinguish what is "too close?" You could be missing out on the best friendship you'll ever know.

I can't beleive that we should live our lives afraid of screwing up. We should understand our motives and desires. Come to grips with them. We must have a litmus test, but its so damned hard to be objective when you're around someone who makes you happy.

She credits me with saving her marriage--her husband was an imbecile and didn't realize there was a problem until I came along. Then he started to see how he was treating her. I never understood him. He tried to be my friend even after his wife told him she was in love with me. It was as if he couldn't accept that. Of course, he was a smart guy. I think he figured out pretty quick that if he was hard on me, she would leave him.

I just don't know. It was a no win situation.

friends

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