My Aunt Passed Away & I'd like to talk

Bendrr

On Tuesday, my mom called me at work to tell me my aunt Linda passed away. She'd had diabetes and kidney problems for years. Tuesday, she was on dialysis and her blood pressure bottomed out and she just went to sleep and never woke up. Linda was a long-time Witness, as was her husband-my mom's brother and I loved both of them dearly. Linda was an old hippie who became a zealous Witness. Billy served in Vietnam for a while, got tired of it and went AWOL. He was picked up at work one day and served a minimal sentence.
I remember when they met and dated and got married. Linda was just plumb crazy. She'd say whatever was on her mind whenever and wherever. Billy (I take it he goes by Bill now, but I will always call my uncle Billy) was the polar opposite. Very reserved and quiet. That difference only made them better together. They had one child together, and Linda almost died in childbirth. Fortunately, Linda lived to see Sage Marie Routhier blossom from a wonderful baby to a beautiful young lady of 13. Sage is dealing with things well, my mom tells me. She is being strong for Billy. I have not seen any of them in close to 10 years, except for once when Billy was at my parents' house when I stopped by and then he didn't speak.
It was Tuesday that I heard about it. I didn't find out about the funeral until about an hour ago-it's tomorrow about 3 hours away. So unfortunately I will not be able to go. I pointed out to mom that she could have told me before tonight and I would have gotten the day off and arranged to be there. She went into the usual shit about "our hands are tied" when it comes to contact. At which point I started to get a little mad and told her it was their choice not mine, that I don't make it a point to shun someone because I am told to. That they are "told" not to have any contact with me. She tried to say it was scriptural and I told her I did not agree with that and it is wrong and unloving and I hoped they would see that one day. She didn't get hostile or defensive, but I sensed "the wall" coming up. She said we don't need to argue, and I agreed. We left on a good note, we'll talk again this weekend as we do every Sunday or Saturday. I got Billy's number to call him since I can't make the funeral.
It was a different story when I called him. He answered the phone and when he realized who I was said "Michael! I'm so glad you called.....but I guess we really can't talk." That hurt. It was on the tip of my tongue to fire back with something, but I just couldn't. I told him I was sad about Linda and was thinking about him and Sage. He quickly went from that to telling me to "come back". How I should repent and all. Well I repented 9 years ago, I was sorry for what I did right after I did it, but that's another story.
After almost 10 years of no contact with a very close uncle [until my df] the conversation took only a few minutes. He was the one to end it, but I said "Billy I love you man". He paused, and said "*WE* love you too". And hung up.
Not "I love you", "WE".
If I were able I still would be at the funeral tomorrow, even knowing what to expect from a JW funeral. I'll say my goodbyes privately to aunt Linda by thinking about the happy and funny memories I have of her.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!!!!! HEY BROOKLYN! YEAH I KNOW YOU'RE READING THESE POSTS! YOU TOOK MY FAMILY YOU SONS OF BITCHES! WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THAT LINE FROM YOUR WEBSITE'S FAQ THAT SAYS "DISFELLOWSHIPPING DOES NOT SEVER FAMILY TIES" AND PRINT IT IN THE WATCHTOWER OR BETTER YET IN "OUR KINGDOM MINISTRY" OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT THESE DAYS?! WHY? BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO CHICKENSHIT AFRAID OF LOSING CONTROL!
GOD DAMN YOU FOR SEVERING FAMILY TIES! GOD DAMN YOU FOR EVERY FAMILY YOU HAVE BROKEN UP, EVERY CHILD YOU HAVE TAKEN FROM PARENTS, EVERY PARENT YOU HAVE TAKEN FROM A CHILD, GOD DAMN YOU!
Michael Ganas, and you know damn well who I am!

Tina

(((((((((mike))))))))))
I'm so sorry....one of the most painful results of the borg,dividing and destroying families. I'm glad you wrote a goodbye to her here. Our hearts are with you.luv,Tina

gsark

I am glad you posted here too, I hope you found some release and relief through your posting. Please stick around for a while, and my email is open if you want to grieve more privately.

Life is a roller coaster. Get in, sit down, shut up and hang on!

waiting

Hey Bendrr,

No hugs on the computer - as I doubt that they would suffice. I'm so terribly sorry for your anger and pain now. There's no justification for the brutality of shunning.

I hope you go out, take a walk, and feel the good air and think of your aunt with a good memory. The rest is hurtful and will be there tomorrow, as it's been for 10 years.

I remember, as a jw, blaming df'd persons for making me shun them. Identical to a wife beater who blames the wife for making him beat her. JW's just don't get it - they're the ones who are hurting other people - on purpose, to serve their God. And they call it love and want us to come back to that kind of love or they'll never talk to us.

No thank you. I'll just stay a free person, like Bendrr.

All my best wishes to you.

waiting

Tanalyst

Thanks for sharing. Programmed robots is what the org. produced.Time will heal.

Last month my aunt died, born 1913 - Armageddon was supposed to take her out. She was a staunch Luthern,she was my 2nd grade teacher,I remember during flag salute she'd come over to me and lift my hand over my chest.

Francois

Bendrr, I hope you can make it down here to the beach like you've been planning. You need it man.

My own uncle is nine years older than I am. He was always my hero. I wanted to be just like him. Because I was raised in a dysfunctional family and got no validation there, what self-confidence I had came from my uncle.

When he graduated college with a degree in organic chemistry, I went after the same degree. He was in track & field; so was I. He "tred the boards" in a drama troup in school; me too. He was a JW; so I went after it too. He was a mineral collector; I've got a collection too.

I saved my lunch money in high school in order to buy a bus ticket to his home in east Tennessee. Stayed there three or four weeks each summer. When I went to college, I lived with him while I attended ETSU.

Later, when I lived in Atlanta, his daughter, my cousin, came to live with me as she sought her "fortune" and we all atteneded the same hall together.

Of course, I'm only hitting the shavings from the top of the tip of the iceberg here.

Then the shit hit the fan between myself and the JWs, starting with the beard and quickly degenerating into many, many other things.

To make a long story miserable, he cut me off for 16 years. Only recently have we had limited contact. And I don't know why he's doing even that much. But for 16 years there was a giant hole in my spirit where Robert used to be and no one could fill it. And now there's limited contact, I've discovered that after all those years of betrayal, he can't fill it now either.

So, then, there's a dead spot in my soul, put there by his mindless loyalty to the WTBTS. I don't really blame them so much as I blame him. He was a senior organic research associate at Eastman Chemicals. He knows better than to swallow whole the teachings of this creepy, anti-intellectual cult, but he did it anyway.

That doesn't keep me from despising the bastards, though.

Francois

outnfree

Bendrr,

I'm very sorry for the loss of your beloved Aunt, for all your losses, really.

Tears are streaming down my face in sympathy.

And people think we're exaggerating when we call the WTS "evil."

outnfree

Par dessus toutes choses, soyez bons. La bonte est ce qui ressemble le plus a Dieu et ce qui desarme le plus les hommes -- Lacordaire

riz

Mike,

I am very sorry. I feel for you, I really do.

waiting is right- they just don't get it. The way they force family members to treat eachother makes me sick to my stomach. Loving, my ass.

I know all too well what you're going through. We are all here for you when you need to vent. Your last paragraph made the hair on my arms stand up- believe me, I am behind you 100%.

I'll be thinking about you. Take care and know that you have friends here who care unconditionally, even when family chooses not to.

riz

circe

Bendrr,

Ah man! You brought me to tears. I am so sorry for your loss: both your aunt's death and the "loss" of your family through the bull-shit disfellowshipping policies of the bORG.

My email is open. Please write if you'd like to unload privately.

circe

Prisca

Hey Mike,

I just wanted to echo all what the others have said. Death is an awful thing at any time, but to be cut off from your family when you are grieving is the worse possible thing to be done to a person.

((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you.

I loved your last paragraph. I can understand your anger and pain.

My Aunt Passed Away & I'd like to talk

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