Thanks for all the replies....I love to hear other peoples opinion on this. She and I were in a relationship for about 4 yrs...up until about a year and a half ago (long story). I don't know if she's told them about this or not (probably not). I truely want her to be happy and she really seems to want this. She has been studying with the JW's off and on for about 20 yrs. I think she's always struggled with her sexuality (she thinks it's wrong). She's also has had 2 failed marriages. I just don't want them to let her get to the point of baptism and then tell her she has to move. They need to tell her now rather than later. She cannot financially support herself on her limited income...so I worry for her. I talked to her today about it and she told me again that she's not going anywhere. Time will tell.
New here - question about roommate getting baptized
by oppgirl63 22 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Jankyn
Hi, Oppgirl.
Well, the info you dropped in the last post changes everything, because basically that means she's living with an ex-lover. And they won't tolerate that if they find out about it. And if it comes out later--after she's baptized--they'll likely disfellowship her for lying about it.
The assumption would be that, because you were once lovers, your relationship is still immoral and has the potential to become sexual again at any time. They'd feel the same way if she were living with an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband. And, whether she sees herself as gay or not, they're going to assume she is and that she'll have to be watched for those "tendencies." Trust me, I've been there.
Before you get the idea that I agree with them, let me say upfront that I'm gay as well, and the JWs do nothing but make a person feel guilty about being who they are. Your "friend" has a good thing going--an attentive partner who takes care of her (and yes, you are partners, even if you're not having sex). The trouble is that she's misrepresented your relationship to the JWs, and they're not going to be okay with it in any way, shape or form.
At some point, she's going to have to choose between you and the religion. And not to be hard on you, but I'd prepare for the worst.
Welcome to the board. We're here for you.
Jankyn
-
oppgirl63
Thanks for the advice....I'll keep you all posted as the baptism gets closer. I think she probably has not been absolutely truthful to the JW's. But I really don't know how they will ever find out unless she tells them. I'm certainly not going to tell them...I could really care less. She's not from this area so there are not really any other people who know about our prior relationship. The next few months should be interesting.
-
AuntieJane
If you are such close friends, have you expressed other concerns to her about this cult? Asked her to
attend another church with you to get a feel for other viewpoints? There are many churches who accept
gays openly, this would seem something you could ask her to do. You've been glad to take her to her
kh, ask her to accompany you to a church this Sunday, just for the 'experience'. I would never be able
to let a friend get involved in this mind-twisted cult. I would speak up and risk my friendship.
-
oppgirl63
This woman is 50 yrs old and she's been to every church under the sun (even been baptised). She says that this is the only place where she's ever felt like she was learning something. The people she is studying with are the presiding overseer of the congregation and his wife. She told me they know I'm not trying to discourage her from doing this (I was at first..but I just gave up). I think some people are just happy being told what to do and how to live. She even made the comment to me that she needed this to "keep herself out of trouble". She's absolutely convinced that she's not going to have to move.
-
jgnat
She could join the army for a lot less trouble.
Yes, everything is sweetness and light until baptism. She might be disillusioned shortly after, when all the attention starts to wane (they can't count their time any more) and she is expected to pick up her field service duties. I can't imagine myself at 50 getting much joy from going door-to-door every Saturday morning.
-
oppgirl63
I can't either jgnat...but remember she's been studying off and on for 20 yrs. She knows how they operate. We've talked about the 'love bombing they do'. She's fully aware of her field service requirements. I just wonder if they know she's living with me now and let her get baptized, how can they later on threaten her with disfellowshipment (with what they already know now)?
-
jgnat
Hubby kept me a secret for years, until I got fed up with it. I marched down to the Kingdom Hall and sat down beside him, daring him to explain me. He finally did. The elders were put off-balance, to say the least.
He figures they knew all along, just withheld priveledges and waited to see how long he would take to "come clean". They were angry, deceived, and their trust was never really restored. The people at the hall really do expect to be intimate with every aspect of your life. But the smart JW's keep their personal lives well under wraps.
My friend, a lifetime JW, says that elders hold grudges for years. I believe it.
In your roomates' favour, she is a woman. Woman don't count in the power structure at the hall.
-
Emma
Because she needs assistance to get to meetings and such, they may not be in a rush to have her move out. Do any of them want to take on the things you do for her? She would be "high needs" for them and they already have too much to do with their own families, meetings, service, etc. That would be a reason I can see they'd let her stay.
-
oppgirl63
That's what I'm thinking. I don't think they want to take on this responsibility.