by peachmellon 17 Replies latest social current
THank you all so much
It seems like he waited till both my parents died then out of no where he became mean towards me. He knows how close I was to my parents, yet he throws in my face that his parents are still living. And all the elders keep saying is that Jehovah hates a divorcing. I dont know what to do but you all gave me wonderful advise so I can think about.
Thank you all so much
by bye for now
Welcome to the forum, Peachmellon.
Purza had the best advice for you, dear:
The elders are NOT acting with your best interest in mind. If it were me, I would have gone after the first hit and/or the affair. Do you honestly think you would be hurting jehovah if you left an abusive relationship?!?!?! Quietly put your assets in order and go hire an attorney.
Right on...right on. The elders are enablers of abuse. We see this over and over again on the forum here. The elders are only concerned that you keep putting in field service hours. Your job is to "convert" or "fix" your husband, according to the Society.
However...You are not a punching bag. You are not responsible to "fix" anyone except yourself. Know that the abuse will continue as long as you let it continue. My advice is: get out while you still can.
Everyone heals at their own pace. Everyone leaves the organization at the time they are ready to leave---namely, when you outgrow that religion. Figure out what your next step is and start planning your exit strategy, dahling...
We're here to support your decision.
Love and light,
ESTEE
Welcome ... I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a difficult situation.
I highly recommend that you read the following article by LadyLee: Til death do us part - divorce
The main point of the article is that marriage vows to "love, honour and cherish - in sickness and in health" have been broken the instant one partner begins to abuse the other. Spousal abuse is just as serious a breach of those vows as infidelity.
You have a right to not be abused. Spousal abuse is illegal and grounds for separation and divorce.
Even the Bible admonishes that one partner can depart if the marriage is not working out - and that includes for serious violations of the law like spousal abuse. The WTS has published information to this effect also.
*** Rbi8 1 Corinthians 7:10-15 ***
10 To the married people I give instructions, yet not I but the Lord, that a wife should not depart from her husband; 11 but if she should actually depart, let her remain unmarried or else make up again with her husband; and a husband should not leave his wife.
12 But to the others I say, yes, I, not the Lord: If any brother has an unbelieving wife, and yet she is agreeable to dwelling with him, let him not leave her; 13 and a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and yet he is agreeable to dwelling with her, let her not leave her husband. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in relation to [his] wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in relation to the brother; otherwise, YOUR children would really be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving one proceeds to depart, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not in servitude under such circumstances, but God has called YOU to peace.
Can a man who abuses his wife really be "a believer"? How does his abuse line up with the scriptural instructions to "love his wife as himself" or "cherishing" as both the Bible instructs and the vows he spoke before God?
The elders have no business ordering you to stay in an abusive relationship. They aren't living your life. You are. You deserve to be loved, cherished, respected, and safe. If you aren't, you need to make a plan and get some support systems in place and get yourself out. The elders may DF you. Your husband may tell them that you left him for another man. They'll believe him, despite your many requests for help to them to require him to stop abusing you. Whatever happens, it is not your fault. Remember what that scripture says: God has called you to peace. Go ahead and find it. You owe it to yourself. Nobody can look out for your interests better than you can.
I hope you can someday find the strength to not take that crap anymore. You deserve better.
Welcome to the board.
There isn't going to be a Paradise; you'd better salvage what is left of your life.
Welcome Peachmellon - nothing I can add. You are entitled to a Scriptual divorce I'd have thought. I can't understand the elders' attitudes. From what you said it appears that your 'husband' wants to hurt you emotionally - rubbing in the fact that HIS parents are still living. Cruel bastard.
peachmellon, you've gotten some sound suggestions from the forum. No, he is dead wrong for depriving you of your due not to mention due respect.
Name calling is a no-no. I have already mentioned that in my 43 years of marriage I have 'never' called my wife a bitch, fat/ugly or spoken to her in a demeaning language. Yes, we didn't see eye to eye at times on issues and we had words but nothing to demean each other.
May I suggest you take the bull by the horns and do whatcha gotta do! The hell with the Elders their following written rules, follow your heart. Get your ass of the couch and do something.
Golf
eachmellon, don't let my closing words offend you. This man you married has taken you for granted. He's playing with your emotions and if you've taken no action, you will get more abuse. Which is it? Is there anyone in the congregation that can be of assistance to you, anyone? There is no excuse for such behavior!
Golf
Thank you all so much. Sorry I am just getting back to you all. You have provided much helpful advice.
I just feel like nothing.. very numb.
I dont know why he is so loveless, he pushes me to anger all the time. In the past, for 3 months straight I recall wring down each situation that occured. I presented it to the elders and they were SHOCKED to see that everyday for 3 months how he argued or mistreated me for 3 months. I even explained to the elders that he does not give me no money for no bills. I pay the mortgage and utilities and the food bill. They said that I make more money than he and that I should be understanding. He is a truck driver and I am an junior accountant. His field as a truck driver is truly not lacking with money. But I am to be understanding and just pay for everything. I am no good mentally or emotionally. He is trying to destroy every emotion in me. and like someone said. Yes he is a Cruel B*******. Plays mind games and with my emotions. The elders know of all of this, yet they tell me to hang in because Jehovah hates a divorcing..
I am in tears again
i am sorry i have to close.
