Spankings Cause Aggression and Anxiety in Kids

by Gretchen956 28 Replies latest social family

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  katiekitten

  A difficult topic because I dont think there is a single cause linked to a single effect.

  The naughtiest children I have seen in school are those who have no discipline at all at home. However I would say the most agressive children I have seen are those that are disciplined at home with shouting and violence.

  I still think smacking a child should be a last resort. I wouldnt rule it out completely, but I certainly would NEVER use it like an everyday thing, like it was used on me.

  In fact I was thinking about this the other day, every time we went to the meeting when I was a kid I got taken to the back room and spanked. I wasnt a naughty kid at all. I used to get smacked for wriggling, or turning round and looking behind, or for drawing things instead of taking notes (this from the age of 4 mind you!). I was thinking how is giving me a smack every time I go to a meeting supposed to make me love jehovah??

  I think all this smacking caused a great deal of anxiety in me that came out in nail biting, bed wetting, picking and scratching all the time to make myself bleed, and being very highly strung. Later in life I was a terrible flirt, and I think I was looking for some kind of positive regard, not this constant conditional regard based on my performance in the truth. (of course I was too young to work out this new attention was only based on my huge chest and big blue eyes). It was intoxicating to think that men just liked me for doing nothing inparticular. I was always in trouble for teenage flirting with workmen and people I met on holiday. I was too innocent to realise they wanted sex. I remember going for a walk once on holiday with a man twice my age (14 and 28) and being genuinely suprised when he took me to the beach and tried to get my clothes off. I was lucky he let me walk away in a huff, he must have thought I was a simpleton. I gave a 40 yr old man our home phone number once because I didnt know how to say no, then had to get my dad to tell him to stop phoning me up. I was 15. I had no idea he fancied me, I just thought he was being 'friendly'! Later on in life it affected my marriage this constant seeking attention from as many people as possible.

  I know that seems like a very thin connection to smacking, but I think the constant anxiety of being smacked if I wasnt good enough, and also the weird dissonance of being smacked and told it was love ( and I was on about 2 a day!) caused a massive need and desire for positive attention and (what I thought was) love.
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  gumby

  That's howcome gumby thinks spankins and sex is a dumb deal. I'm a grouchy bastard as it is.

  Gumby
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  luna2

  
  We got spanked as kids, but it wasn't a daily thing. Mostly I could deal with the pain of spankings (we even got it with a belt a couple of times...although I think it traumatized my father more than it did us kids). I pretty much carried on in the same way with my boys until about 3rd grade...then I started taking away stuff like tv time or computer time.

  What I hated most when I was a kid was when the parents would line us up and wouldn't let us go until one of us had confessed to something or other...something really severe like leaving an empty bowl along side the couch or eating my mother's "secret" giant chocolate bar . I mean what kid in their right mind would confess when the confession meant that you'd either get whooped or punished. You think I'm stupid? Even though I was usually found out in the end, I made 'em work for it.
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  Billygoat

  Wow, this thread has really brought up some memories. MOST of my most vivid childhood memories contain the belt my dad used on a regular basis. I remember him using it before he became a JW, but I remember it with more frequency AFTER he became a JW. Like he felt encouraged to use it more often. But I was the type to rebel even more the more the belt was used. I don't know why my dad didn't get it through his thick skull that beatings did NOT work for me.

  I remember, when I got grounded, that it meant no dessert, no television, no playing outside and get this...NO HUGS AND KISSES. Now if that's not f***ed up, then I don't know what is. That will NEVER EVER EVER happen to my kid.

  Mrs. Jones,

  You mentioned you respect your kids. That is HUGE in my book. I don't have kids myself, but when I was a camp counselor, I rarely had to discipline some of the "problem kids". I treated them like they were the smart, capable (little) humans I knew they could be. Some of the other counselors shouted and screamed at their troops constantly, but I rarely had to do even that. I very clearly told the kid that I KNEW they understood the right thing to do and they would choose correctly. I trusted them and told them so. And I have to say, NOT ONCE was I let down. They felt empowered with the respect they didn't get at home and suddenly, doing the right thing was appealing to them. They even went out of their way to please me. Some of the other counselors just never "got it". To this day, I have parents at church coming up telling me what a difference I made in their kids' lives, by just a week of attention. I can't help but beam! Those little 8 year olds are now in senior high school and driving cars. They'll be graduating in another year's time. Damn all that "growing up" crap.

  *sigh*

  Andi
• 

  Forscher

  Shoot! Before my dub days I learned how to pick pockets just to develope sleight of hands abilities. One day, my dear ole Dad decided to take a belt to me when he was at home on a break from work. Well, while he was swinging away with gusto, I cleaned his pockets of all the money he had on him at the time. Right after he left, my brother (who'd also been whipped) and I slipped out and gorged on all the candy and soda the money could buy! So much for learning the lesson he thought he was teaching. :-)
  
  To this day, he has never figured out how he lost all that money that day.
  
  On a more serious note. I figure that corporal punishment has a place for those very rare times that something has to be done that will get their attention and shock them into remembering the lesson. I'd rather my child had a sore behind than a lost eye, badly burnt hand, or worse. Over reliance on corporal punishment causes it to lose its shock value and makes it usless as a tool for correction. In some children it is usless anyway. I've seen hyperactives take some pretty severe spankings and go right straight back to the behavior that got them the spanking in the first place.
  
  I once turned in a position paper in my intro to Sociology class where I made a case that fundies who say that the Bible tells them to use the rod liberally are on slippery ground from an NT viewpoint. My professor, who's PHD was in Divinity and somewhat conservative in his views gave me an A on the essay and penciled in high complements on my reasoning from the scriptures. I garauntee you that I didn't get that one from any of the Watchtower literature!
  
  Forscher
• 

  Sad emo

  Bigwilly - Your experience of anger=unlove rings very true with me as well.

  I rarely show open aggression but would say I'm quite anxious most of the time - I don't want to get another 'beating' off anyone - and if I do, I tend to automatically think I deserved it. It's very hard for me to get out of this mindset but one day I will.
• 

  upside/down

  My brother and I got the sh*t beat out of us...if we broke the very clear and well explained "rules".

  It only happened once or twice...

  We credit it with the fact that we are functional...responsible...and loving parents, bosses and husbands.

  I'll take an over-disciplined person over and under-disciplined one...ANY DAY!

  Of course...balance is the key.

  Disciplined (not neccesarily beat) people are always happier and more productive... and more loving.

  u/d(of the old school and sooo not PC class)
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  lv4fer

  A good spanking now and then if warranted is a good thing. I was spanked a few times as a kid and my kids were spanked a few times when then needed it. They are 21 and 17. They are not agressive. Kids need discipline some you can just talk to others need a good swat on the behind.
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  Gretchen956

  Actually I just thought the article was interesting, I don't really think all spanking is necessarily bad. With my son he was only spanked by me a few times, when the time outs and the talking to's, and the taking away of priveledges, etc. no longer seemed to be working and he worked himself into a state, I would spank him and then afterwards we would talk about it all.

  Having said that, what I didn't know at the time was that my verbally abusive then husband, was being physically abusive to him. My ex always told me that he would never spank my son because he didn't want him to hate him. He really had me believing him. That all came out over Thanksgiving dinner.

  Its the abuse thats the problem, imo, not spanking if used sparingly.

  Sherry
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  kid-A

  The results of this study should be of no surprise to anybody and it has been known for years that spankings are the least effective form of discipline for a child. Spanking a child accomplishes only 1 thing: It teaches the child that in the future, it is perfectly acceptable for him/her to deal with their problems with others by resorting to physical violence. We use the cute little word "spanking" to describe an act of physical violence against another human being, there is no other definition for it. My parents used spankings on us and yes, I certainly do have high levels of aggression, whether those levels would have been the same in the absence of these experiences is impossible to know.

  The most common excuse parents use is "you just cant reason with a child"....this is nonsense. It takes time and patience but it is certainly possible to appeal to a childs reason for discipline rather than resorting to physical violence to prove your point and assert your power.

  If parents who use physical violence on their children are too stupid or lazy to use patience and reasoning to discipline a child, they should not have had children in the first place. Its no wonder there is so much violence in our society today, when we teach our children that inflicting violence on others is an acceptable way to solve our disputes.