Being raised as a Depressed JW...

Smoky

...i was never happy, always thinkin this is it and holding back on everything that I wanted to do, why? because that is what is taught being a JW kid. It seemed to me that it was wrong to have fun, so i did not have any fun. No sports, reading only WTS books, (that is probably why i didn't like reading) no Novels, Never encouraged to have career goals..we are so close to the end. No prom, No music concerts, as a matter of fact no Wordly music. No worldy friends. I was a fat wimpy kid, who never learned to fight. Let people walk all over me. Never stood up for myself, because we are suppose to be pacifists. Never had a party for my self (birthday, graduation...etc), cause it would be egotistical. I am now going on 32. and i honestly can say that i have no clue on how to live my life, I go to work, pay my bills, and watch TV. I am like some drone, with no strong feeling for anything......everthing is like ehhh ok.

I attribute this behavior problem to being raised a JW. I am i the only one who lived like this? is this a common thing?

I recently been reading some Myspace profiles of young JW, and they seem almost Normal to the extent that they live a open minded lives, like getting a degree is a good thing and traveling and partying........bottom line they seem happy.

why cant i be happy? I feel guilty when i have any type of fun, like if it were a sin to have these feelings.

I am going on a cruise with some JW friends, and i have no idea what to expect. I can honestly say i do not know how to have fun, and I will be miserable and depressed the whole trip.....what a loser.

thank for letting me vent.

smoky

Satanus

First of all, most here are exjws. Are you still a wt believer? It sounds like you have lost your self. You need to find your self. Cutting out pressure from the outside, peer pressure, media pressure on how to be, what to be, what to do like you see on tv. Remove the word 'should' from your lexicon. Perhaps see a counseler or therapist. If you stick around here, you will get many free suggestions and many personal experiences that will help you.

S

mrsjones5

When I was in high school someone told me that someone else didnt like being around me cuz I was so depressing - looking back...she was right.

mrsjones5

Omg, youre going on a cruise with jws?! What a killjoy. Cruises are so much fun it would be a shame to go if you know the group that youre going with are going to kill any joy or fun you could have. I wouldnt go with them,but since you are try to have fun in spite of them.

Josie

troubled mind

Smokey,YOU ARE NOT ALONE !!!! Unfortunately we are the product of some well intentioned but highly misinformed parenting . I am a new poster here ,I was raised JW in a divided household .My mom became a witness in the 50's my dad was a career Marine Sargent .I have had depression problems growing up and I too felt I was not normal or knew how to have fun . But now I have reached a stage in my life were I am just now learning to think on my own and looking into what really interests me . We have been sheltered for so long that it is going to take a long time to develop skills for enjoying life .But the learning process can be fun. I think it's great your going on a cruise .Start allowing yourself to enjoy things .You need to begin by starting a new dialogue in your mind , one that says it's okay to be happy 'I don't have to feel guilty . We have been weaned on some pretty negative thinking and it is well engrained. This may sound hokey but I have learned alot by listening to the Dr.Phil shows .He has several books out that deal on mental well being and re directing negative thinking patterns in your life ,Maybe you could look through one at a book store .I hope it helps . I know it is helping me just to have a place like this to vent my feelings .

forsharry

I feel your pain smokey. I was raised a dub and it was very hard to transition from suppressed automoton to human being. What helped me? Or more accuratedly, what was a good start for me? I joined a dance group. I forced myself to get up out of myself and try something. It wasn't easy, and at first it was terrifying (I was and still am to a certain extent extremely socially inept.) But I just kept up with it. Think about what you might like...cake decorating, bird watching, book burning. Whatever interests you. :)

Also you might want to try talking to a counselor. They can be great listeners and a lot of times have some good advice to get you going again. Just remember...you've lived your whole life in this level of dysfunction. It's not going to get fixed overnight...but if you keep trying it will get better.

Also...you've got us! Never fear! We'll never tire of throwing in our two cents on anything you'd like to rant about.

Best of luck, and remember, you're not alone!

troubled mind

Read some of the posts under Negative JW's

Smoky

Thank you all for your thoughts.

I have been thinking of seeing a therapist for 2 years now, so i should stop procrastin and get to it. Anyhow, i must confess.....i am afraid of letting myself go, like i will become evil or something. Anyhow, this is one thing I need to see a shrink about.

I am currently a in-active JW, but i have a couple of long time JW friends that still talk to me, but not really associate with. , i have nothing but my family, so to quit cold turkey would probably depress me more. Somehow i think my JW buddies want to "preach" to me about coming back....i hope not. That would suck.

thanks all

xjwms

A cruise is for you to let go...and get involved....and forget about everything back home

DO THE RUM RUNNER, ... make sure those with you do the same.

delilah

Smokey.....you go on that cruise, and you have an awesome time!!!! In spite of the fact you are going with other JW's....you must do things for you...to make YOU happy. Look for the small things in life....they are usually the things that make us happiest. Little adjustments in your every day life, no matter how small, can make a world of difference. Learn to look at yourself, EVERY day, and smile. Look for the "good" in others, and in every day living. Forget the doom and gloom that we've been taught in the "truth"....there is plenty of good outside the walls of a kingdom hall. Go on a quest, to find it, my friend, and enjoy life for a change......and come back here to tell us how your trip went!!

Being raised as a Depressed JW...

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