HELP! If anyone wouldn't mind to talk?

truenote

Hello,

I used to be mouseywhite. But, I changed that. Anyway. Would anyone like to to talk? You see, years ago, around where I was twenty, I both resigned and was privately reproved from the truth. One of my the main factors about me is that I try to be as honest as possible. That's why I'm going to tell more of my background. I was raised in the truth with loving parents who were just blind to my personal torment. I was never abused not sexually or verbally from the past congregations. It was just emotional. Like highschool, never being felt as if your part of the in crowd sort of thing. I never did anything wrong (yet) or showed any behavior that was considered ill-mattered. In short, just a regular boring shy/girl who followed the rules and been quiet.

My problem is that I'm a woman,24, now. And I still take care of my parents. Eventhough I believe to some degree about the morals and laws I was taught, I'm am very passionate about not returning to the JW org. I live with my parents because I love them very much and take care of them. But along with that arrangement comes the constant guilt, personal pain, and defense of my decisions. My parents are hoping that I will somehow changed my mind, or that I will follow in past foot steps of pretending I was happy and going along with the crowd; while in a faith I'm not sure I really support. It's crazy! I don't want others to read this and think

I never considered moving out, or on with my life. In fact, I had my own apartment and college classes. but my parents are sick and getting older, and unlike many, I believe in returning the favor of caring for your parents. So I moved out because I realize that as much as they drive me insane, I love them, and I love being that caretaker. It's just have anyone ever been in in this place? I mean you believe in no smoking,no premarital sex, the bible laws about being gay, and just being an honest joe or jane while living life in the world that caresless about giving

and more about me first? I'm a mess. Just give me any words and I'll try to help improve my life here. I never been good with words. I never

had a friend or life before. Heck, I never been kissed. I just need to re-vamp the closet that is my life. So if you can get the concept or

idea of what I'm trying to say, let me hear it. And like I mention, I'm candid. So, if you feel the need for details of why I gotten privately reproved, or why I resigned, (LOL) I will put you to sleep and tell the tale. good-bye

rebel8

Hi there, I'm guessing the forum is pretty quiet right about now because of the US holiday today.

I read your story. There is nothing wrong with caring for your parents. That's a good thing. Hopefully you will be able to live with them in such a way that promotes your personal growth and individuality/privacy as well.

When you say you are a mess, what part of you do you consider a mess? The lack of dating? Whatever your personal goals are, are your parents prohibiting you from reaching them, or is it something inside of you that prevents it (or a little of both)?

blondie

Hi, I'm sure you will a lot of us are where you are or were there. Part of the situation is just the dynamics of living at home taking care of aging parents. That would be a lot without the JW aspect. Are there any support groups in your area for caregivers? They could help you deal with that issue.

Is there any other siblings that can help, or family members? Can they give you some relief, time for yourself.

You were right to come here. See what a balanced, kind answer, rebel8, gave.

Love, Blondie

AuldSoul

(((truenote))),

I am unclear what you feel you need help with.

If you need affirmations from other people that your current life choices are okay, you have them from me.

But it seems like you aren't looking for that. You seem to be looking for permission to make other life choices. Have you ever had personal goals for yourself? What are your dreams and hopes? What do you want to be/do when you grow up (and no, 24 isn't grown )?

You seem to have let life happen to you to a great degree. Are you feeling regrets over not having a firmer hand in your own lot in life?

As I said, just shooting blind here. I am not sure at all what help you are looking for, but you seem to desperately want help. I am trying to be helpful, but first I need a clearer picture of where/what you want to be that you aren't yet.

AuldSoul

jgnat

I won't repeat what these lovely ladies offered (and that AuldSoul dude), only add.

Old people are a pain, love 'em! My mother-in-law, mama, would ask to move in with us every time we visited her in the nursing home. My sister, a family doctor who spends a lot of time with the old folks, gave us the proper reply. Simply give her a hug and say, "I love you too, mama." We all know she was in the right place. Take the request as a compliment, that you are one of the trusted people in her life. Simply return the compliment and change the subject. Not too hard to do with people with dementia.

I would stop taking your parent's advice seriously, other than take it as a sign of their love. Simply give them a hug and tell them you are so happy that they love you and care about you so much. Then go on and make your own life.

I agree with rebel8 and blondie that you need to expand your social circle. I avoided the intimacy of a marriage for over twenty years, absorbing myself completely in the raising of my two children. I don't recommend that choice. I was hiding from some deep fears. Write down some dreams for your life and go about adding new experiences.

Finally-Free

It's very commendable that you want to care for your parents, but I would caution you against doing it at the expense of not having your own life. I know a woman who did that - she's a close friend of my sister. She always wanted to have a family, but caring for her parents was her priority. She cared for her parents but did nothing for herself. Today she's in her mid sixties, never married, no kids, and alone.

W

mouthy

believe in no smoking,no premarital sex, the bible laws about being gay, and just being an honest joe or jane while living life in the world that caresless about giving

Sounds to me that your still in the WT mind set... I think your wonderful to care for your parents.And I think you are a smart cookie to not smoke -no prematial sex.( but maybe a bit frustrated about it) I think the mess you THINK is you! is your being torn!!! first of all I find your comments about gays(!that is something I am not-) but I have learned at 78 years old that many Homosexuals are BORN that way! so dont judge them.... Your 24 yrs old & it is time you found a "mate" be it friend, boyfriend,Your a wonderful caring person by the sounds of you. But like many of us that left --we carry some "baggage" from the WT teachings. Because I have been "OUT" now since 1987- when they kicked me out because I dont believe Jesus came invisably in 1914...I have learned the WORLD-you mention that dont care about giving is a wrong teaching...I have met (since I left JW) there are folks out there who even tend to be Atheists- that are VERY CARING folk.... Just because the WT said that is true -it isnt- My suggestion to you is go to a singles group at Church ( not that I think religion is the answer I dont) but I have found out that the fellowship in these groups are caring for each other. And just to correct you my love you were NOT raised in the TRUTH You were raised in the LIE!! Sorry if I offend but you said you wanted help & in my own way I think I am helping you to examine that ((((good Luck. I know that is a saying forbidden by the Watchtower But I wish you a happy life from this day forward. Grace

Confession

It's just have anyone ever been in in this place? I mean you believe in no smoking,no premarital sex, the bible laws about being gay, and just being an honest joe or jane while living life in the world that caresless about giving and more about me first?

My dear, we know what you're feeling. You agree with many of the things taught by the Watchtower Society (WTS,) but you don't believe it's necessary to be a JW in order to live a good life and, perhaps, be acceptable to God. And yet you still feel a certain emotional pull by it--or some guilt perhaps?

Let me put it as clearly as I can: the WTS is not what it purports to be. Yes, they teach many fine things about clean living. Yes, you may have met many wonderful people inside the organization. But, NO, they are not the sole channel of communication from God to the planet. It took plenty of us many, many years even to be able to give ourselves permission to consider this as a possibility. But after looking at the facts objectively, there is no question: we were misled.

Yes, in addition to the emotional discomfort you have felt from being a JW, there are also solid facts which may help you have confidence that leaving the organization is not only okay--it's the right thing to do.

Those who come to this forum react to this discovery in a variety of ways. Personally, I hope you do not become eaten up by bitterness over it. But I do hope you find what you need to have peace. Peace in knowing that your decision not to be controlled by this organization has nothing whatsoever to do with being a good person.

stillAwitness

Hi truenote. I am 22 and still live at home too. I yearn for the day when I myself can move out and yet I know that I want to be able to take care of my parents as they get older which they are. But me personally, there are things I will need to do first to be able to do that.

But I think it wonderful you take care of them.

RichieRich

Howdy.

I'm 17, and still at home. My father is an unbeliever, but thats moot because my mother runs things around here.

I know how it feels. The ingrained set of WT morals are hard to get out from under.

I'm here, if you need me (but honestly, I'd go to rebel8 and them first ;) )

Richie

HELP! If anyone wouldn't mind to talk?

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