Dear Gary
I really feel for you.
My mom became a JW when I was fourteen. Because we were a "headless household" we were not popular with the "in" crowd but
we were befriended by some young elders and their families with small children. I saw the struggle these young men went through to support their families, get them to the meetings, keep them obedient, go out in service and take care of their cong. duties. Looking back I don't know how they did it.
None of those kids are witnesses today. I am not trying to scare you but it is a really unnatural life they impose on you.
You are so fortunate that you have the opportunity to make a change now before it destroys the love in your family.
Please don't miss those opportunities to take your kids to the park, snuggle in bed in the mornings, read funny stories to them and just enjoy their youthful energy. I did not miss my early childhood but I was robbed of my teen years by this life-sucking religion.
All the best to you and your family.
Eva
It Seems That My Children Are Not Trained
by Gary1914 128 Replies latest jw friends
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evita
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evita
Dear Gary
My heart goes out to you.
My mom became a JW when I was fourteen. Because we were a "headless household" we were not popular with the "in" crowd but
we were befriended by some young elders and their families with small children. I saw the struggle these young men went through to support their families, get them to the meetings, keep them obedient, go out in service and take care of their cong. duties. Looking back I don't know how they did it.
None of those kids are witnesses today. I am not trying to scare you but it is a really unnatural life they impose on you.
You are so fortunate that you have the opportunity to make a change now before it destroys the love in your family.
Please don't miss those opportunities to take your kids to the park, snuggle in bed in the mornings, read funny stories to them and just enjoy their youthful energy. I did not miss my early childhood but I was robbed of my teen years by this life-sucking religion.
All the best to you and your family.
Eva -
Enigma One
Gary, I understand what you are going through.
When I left finally I was about 22. I figured if I was miserable for the next 60 years being a Witness I'd rather live a simple, peaceful, QUIET, life. When I go to visit my parents now, I get physically exhausted just being around them. My dad (who just recently stepped down as an elder) would have 10 phone calls a night to deal with. My mom, works part time and aux. pioneers every other month. So all it takes now is for me to visit them for a week and I get exhausted from all their running around. I'm about your age. I can't imagine working full time, have kids, have a wife that works full time, and be a good Witless family.
My dad has been an elder since I was a kid. I've never seen him as happy or youthful looking as he has been now that he stepped down. He laughs more. He was on depression meds himself. Of course as any good Witless family I knew none of this. When I remarked to my mom how happy dad looked she finally broke down and told me he stepped down. Had been depressed and on meds for 2 years. Etc, et al.
I used to HATE....HATE....HATE Saturday mornings and field service. Now, I love my weekends and wouldn't trade them for anything. Would a loving God really expect this much from you? Why did he give us life after all? As a Witless you never have time to stop and smell the roses. When I was a child my mom told me I would never go to school. Armegeddon would be here. Then I would never get to Junior High. Armeggedon would be here. Then I would never graduate high school. Armegeddon would be here. Me going to college was a waste of time. Armegeddon would be here. Now they are closing in on their retirement and having to ponder their own mortality. They don't talk about Armegeddon being right around the corner anymore.
They talk about how they want to spend their few short years together, maybe getting a chance to do a couple of things they've always wanted to do but never had time. How incredibly sad is that. It makes my heart break at times knowing they sacrificed THEIR LIVES for us kids and a stupid F***ING cult! -
david_10
Hello Gary. Have you got a few minutes? Can I tell you about my own experience as a servant and a father, and trying to raise my kids in the "Truth"?
My first child was born in 1976, and she wasn't even a month old but what I was taking her outside and spanking her. Not hard, please understand, but there's no justification for ever spanking a newborn baby. But we were told to bring up our children in the "discipline and mental regulating of Jehovah" or whatever that verse says, and I thought it was the right thing to do. What an idiot I was. My second daughter was born a year later, and even though I had mellowed considerably, the meetings were no picnic for her either.
During the mid-seventies, there was a population explosion in our congregation and I recall that we had around 35 children of pre-school age. Needless to say, the path to the side door was well-worn. The neighbors called several times and spoke with the elders and left messages that they were noticing our hard-line stance with the kids and felt that we were being too harsh. Yes, even the neighbors were paying attention. However, the elders paid no attention at all, and we all felt that we had a scriptural basis for letting the beatings continue. Imagine the shock and surprise, though, when the police came into the hall one Thursday night and stopped the meeting. They stayed for around 20 minutes and interviewed some elders and parents, but they finally did leave with only a warning handed out. It was extremely humiliating, and for me at least, a wake-up call-----I don't think I ever spanked my kids again. Ever. Even when they may have needed it. It was a different world 25 years ago, but if this were to happen today, I don't think the police would leave so easily. I think that Child Welfare Services would be called and a lot of parents would be on the carpet getting a huge dose of their own medicine. But here's the interesting part of that incident: Do you think that the congregation learned it's lesson and began acting more discreetly and humanely? Yes and no. At the next Service Meeting, a special needs talk was given discussing the situation, and the elders decreed that we should not take our children outside to discipline them anymore; instead we were to take them into the library and give them their whippings in there!!
I'm ashamed that I was ever a part of that organization. Shame is not a strong enough word.
My 2 girls were born in the mid-seventies. My 2 boys came along in the mid-eighties. By the time the boys came along, my wife and I were on our way out of the organization, and we left for good by 1987. But, as far as the girls are concerned, the damage had already been done. Today, they are both doing pretty good, but they still have problems associated with their JW up-bringing and they both have to take anti-depressants to get by. But those boys!!! They love being alive. They're happy, well-adjusted and goal-oriented. They just love being alive. Why the huge difference? To me, the answer is obvious: The girls were raised in the "Truth." The boys were never around it. Gary, and also if there are any JW lurkers out there reading this, PLEASE listen to what I'm trying to tell you.
David
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Golf
Gary1914, for the sake of you, wife and family follow your gut feeling.
Golf -
Honesty
Hi Gary,
That is one of the many reasons I am very happy to be out of the WT prison. I am now a WT apostate and certified pagan. But you know what, at least the children from birth to a year old are in a nursery with different women in our church taking turns caring for them while their mothers can be spiritually filled and built up during our worship services. When the children are a year old or so, depending on the individual child, they then go to a Bible Study class geared for their age group so that they are not bored with learning things over their heads or repetition of things already learned or forced to sit for long periods of time. They get a break if the weather is good and can play in our pre-school playground. When they are around 6-8 years old they are brought into the main sanctuary where solid spiritual food is dispensed. If the Watchtower corporation had any sense they would see the logic and benefits of teaching according to the audience so they will benefit the most. Of course that will not happen because, as with all other cults they have only one message and if it changes it invariably has to be changed back because the cult followers may wake up and start thinking independently if they are fed anything new.
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HoChiMin
Gary,
It only gets worse from here. They will not stop, you are in the sights of the body of elders now, and they won't let up. With your family so young and the pressure so high I don't want to be a pessimist but the teen years are off the scale. I know how it works I've been there and on both sides of the issue as an elder. They tried to break up my family with pressure to conform to rules and that is why I am ashamed of ever being associated with the Witnesses. I have seen them succeed in destroying families by keeping them ignorant and under control. I could go on but I get aggravated when I recall these things.
HCM
HCM
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jstalin
Gary: welcome to the board. I'm glad you've found someplace to talk about what is eating at you - that's the first step toward the sweet taste of freedom for you and your family.
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Why Georgia
Gary,
I just want to give you big hug. You have so much on your plate. You're poor wife...she needs hugs too!
We stopped going to meetings and one reason was the lack of love in the congregation. When my son was born one of the sisters tried to give me a thing called a Minder...its a thin stick that you are supposed to hit your child with. I wanted no part of that!
We were told even when my son was just a baby to start training him to sit in the meetings quietly. It is not normal for little children to sit quietly and listen for 2 hours while adults talk about things they don't understand.
I watched a family in our hall be brought into the back room so many times because their 3 children made noises and sat on the ground playing in front of mommy and daddy during the meetings. They were quiet...but they were playing. I also watched in the mothering room while a mother slapped her child in the face 4-5 times and told him that Jehovah hated him because he wouldn't be good. I thought I was going to throw up and I told her she was a disgrace and that I'd like to rip her ovaries out so she wouldn't have anymore babies.
We now have 2 sons - one almost 6 years old and a 16 month old. They are active, they are happy and they rarely sit still. I love them and this shows me they are healthy
If you don't want to leave the JW's just stop being an Elder. Tell the other elders you need more time to train your children and that you are stepping down..Your wife and children will appreciate it.
WG
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bitemeWT
Please don't think ill of me for having to take this drug. I need help.
(((((Gary1914)))))
I would say that most of us understand having to take this drug... I know I do.
You will definately find more love and understanding here than at the KH.