It Seems That My Children Are Not Trained

by Gary1914 128 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  cyber-sista

  Gary a part of the problem with the WT organization is that the old men in charge don't have normal family lives. They live in nice apartments in NY and their every need is cared for (food, medical, financial, etc). They don't have to work or make a living and they don't understand normal family life. And, I also really believe that some of them don't even like women. The last CO in the congo I attended was single and really didn't seem to like women or have any understanding of marriage or having children. So, I really believe that many of those at the top don't really have a clue about family life. I also think they are old and crabby.

  I am so sorry you are suffering from anxiety. Many of us were so heavily pressured by the WT Org we ended up leaving in order to preserve ourselves and our families. It is not too late Gary. You need a rest--your wife too. Don't let them push you--listen to your needs and the needs of your family.

  Wishing you all good things,

  aloha,

  cybs
• 

  Jez

  Does it ever end?????

  When you are ready.

  Jez
• 

  stillconcerned

  Gary-

  I am a 'preacher's kid', tho' never a JW.

  ABSOLUTELY the best and most affirming action my father took was to make it unequivocally clear that he loved ME more than the perception of the crowd, or 'what people might think'.

  NO grey area!

  My Daddy loved me enough to CHOOSE ME and my growth as an individual over 'how i might reflect on him'. I LOVE him for it!

  Take your children outa the 'fishbowl'-

  Kimberlee d--- "PK"
• 

  sf

  Excellent reply Jez!

  I sometimes wish I had the courage to just get up and leave. Especially since I no longer believe the majority of stuff they teach. However, I have too much family tied up in this organization and I just cannot extricate myself from the witnesses now.

  With due respect, I must say that I get real sick of hearing this excuse. Please, I do not mean to attack or judge you, yet I cannot help my own feelings on this.

  Re-read what you say and count the "I's" and "my's". You are parents now sir. Your sole responsibility in life NOW is the nurturing of your children. The WATCHTOWER ORGANIZATION can not and does not help in accomplishing this.

  Once you bear children, it's not about you anymore.

  Keep that in mind during your soul search, friend.

  Sincerely, sKally
• 

  Virgogirl

  It won't get any better! The poor little mites are just bored out of their minds! And yes, they are hinting that you can't be an elder if your kids aren't perfect little examples. I grew up an elder's child, and the stress made me physically sick. Please think about not putting them through this misery! Show them lots of love and allow them to be children.
• 

  cruzanheart

  It's hard to walk away knowing that you're leaving family who in all probability won't speak to you or, if they do, will make your life a living hell for leaving. I have a couple of suggestions:

  1. Step down as an elder. Tell the body you need to spend more time with your children to make sure they are shining examples of automatons -- uh, Christian conduct.

  2. Gradually start missing meetings and service. It's winter now, so bad weather or illness can be used as excuses. Out of sight, out of mind.

  3. If you have hypervigilant or nosy elders, you may want to check around the other congregations in your area for one that is more lackadaisical and transfer your cards over there. If you're lucky (as I was), your transfer will be greeted with indifference and it will be easy to just not show up.

  I was raised "in the truth" and left when I was 46. My dad committed suicide due to the elders' harsh treatment of him (one mistake and this elder of 40 years was treated like a pariah -- truly shameful of them) and my mom was in a nursing home with Alzheimer's (she died in February of this year). I'm an only child and they were my only Witness relatives so I had NO problem fading out. My husband had left the Witnesses 15 years previous to my departure, so he was just tapping his foot and waiting for me.

  Our children cheered when we said "no more meetings," and they haven't looked back since. Kids have a great BS meter and know when adults are conning them, and mine had NO respect for the congregation whatsoever.

  Keep us posted!

  Nina
• 

  GoingGoingGone

  ((((((((((Gary)))))))))

  I really feel for you and your family now. I am fading from the WT, but my husband is still in, and he is an elder.

  The pressure the WTS puts on families is insane. I remember when my kids were 6 months and 2 years old, at the Memorial - they were both sick, my husband was passing the emblems, it was late and the kids were both screaming and I was exhausted myself..... Or at the district convention that summer when he was put in charge of one of the food booths, plus he was an attendant, and I hardly saw him for 4 days and had to drag my sleeping daughter to the mother's room so I could feed my son.... Or sitting through a seemingly endless meeting with two squirming kids and long to just get them home and to bed, and then to hear that there will be a 'brief' (HA!) elders meeting after the meeting - then trying to drag overtired kids out of bed the next morning for school.

  If I were to try to calculate the number of hours I spent in service, at meetings, assemblies, plus personal study, plus getting the kids dressed and ready to go, plus travel time, plus the money spent in gas, etc etc etc....... And then to think that for all my time and effort, when I leave the WT for good, not one of the people who I have considered friends and have spent countless hours of my life with will even acknowledge my existence - it's such a waste that I can't even think about it. I feel sorry for my kids who have spent so much of their young lives sitting at the KH. I'm telling you all this because I have had doubts for about 10 years or more... but it's taken me this long to act on them. If you have doubts now, get out now!!!

  I'm wondering how your wife feels about all this. Would she be ok with you leaving the JWs?

  Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.

  GGG
• 

  wannaexit

  No other organization expects their children to sit through hours of hell.

  Children have such a short attention span and to expect them to sit still like adults for hours in my opinion is child abuse.

  I have a suggestion, why don't you take them to the back as much as possible. What a nice excuse for you to get out of listening to the crap they spew at every meeting.

  wanna
• 

  wannaexit

  My father was an elder. Being an elder's kid stinks. Now as an adult, I would suggest that you spend that time with your family, resign the position and enjoy the kids while you can. If you have a book study in your house, have it moved too. That is murder on a wife too. Enjoy your family while they are young because they aren't young forever.

  This is so true. Both my father and my father-in-law were elders when we were growing up. Now both realize how foolish it was to put family second to the congregation. Both have some deep regrets. But it's too late.

  wanna
• 

  TheListener

  Hi Gary.

  I know how you feel. You're not alone.

  I didn't read everyone's suggestions but I'm sure someone covered this idea. No one can bash you for stepping aside to take care of your family. Admit to the elders that you must spend more time taking care of the kids. Tell them that you're afraid that if you don't spend more time and help them now you will lose them from the truth forever.

  They won't want you to step aside. But, be firm. Insist that it's for the good of your wife and children. Your witness family members and your current elder body can't really fault you. Well, they may fault you but they can't pin anything on you.

  Good luck man.