How to Get Rid of Jehovah Witnesses--When you open the door and there's one there saying, "hello, I'm
collecting for the Jehovah's witnesses...", interrupt them and say,
"Great, I'm Jehovah. How much have we made so far?"--A chalk outline of a human body on the sidewalk, and a few copies of
The Watchtower scattered around...--My mother (a second-generation atheist) used to say (in a very sweet
voice): "I'm sorry, I don't give a damn about Jesus." Worked everytime.
The Witnesses just backed off the porch in slack-jawed, bug-eyed
disbelief.--Agreed, we are not prepared for this one, but it has to be carried off perfectly. The more sincere you appear, the more baffled the Witness will be: Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say "Allah be Praised!!!" and just see what happens.
--Automatic weapons are undeniably the best deterrent to Witnesses. For extra effect, fire a few rounds into the air or towards their car.
Pretend you hear a voice inside your head telling you to kill the witness. Guaranteed to stop future visits for several years.--The young couple came to my door. I was wearing my robe, and had just awakened. Now let me explain, I am a very unusual looking person
anyway, but when I awake, I look like some kind of movie monster, I have hair all over everywhere. I made my eyes real piercing, and stared past them. I knew who they were, you can tell, they look so cute in their getup and their bland faces.Well the female one obviously is supposed to do the introduction because she sort of panicked, and said: "We're...we're...we're..we're....we're...." And then she stared helplessly at the other one and he said: "uh... uh.... uh... uh..."I then did a really fierce grin and stuck out my hand in a very fast gesture, and opened all my fingers, and
in a voice sort of a mixture between Peter Lore and Lurch, I said: I... WILL... TAKE... YOUR... LITERATURE... AND... GIVE... IT... TO... MY... MASTER. The male one quickly handed me a copy of whatever rag they were peddling. they did not ask for a donation.They ran.It's a true story, and they never came back.--A friend claims that when Jehovah's Witlesses knock on her door, her
first response is to ask for their address. When they ask why she wants to know, she says it is so she can visit them to push her beliefs. So far, none of them have given their address. It also marks the end of the interview.
SLAM!--A guy goes up to my friend's friend and asks, "Can I talk to you about God?" She says, "Sure, what would you like to know?"
--JW ladies come to the door. One of them has small child in tow.
Interrupts SIW's dinner. If you knew SIW like I knew SIW, you wouldn't
do that.
SIW: Thank you, but I already have a religion. JW: May I ask what it is?
SIW: I'd really rather not say. {Pregnant pause} I'm not sure if it's
legal in this country. Supposedly they gave her a real strange look on their way back down the stairs.--I answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you
come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."
How to get rid of jehovah's witnesses
by bboyneko 2 13 Replies latest jw friends
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bboyneko 2
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MrMoe 2
<<<<<<<<<<<<rolling on floor at work, entire office is puzzled>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dan 2 - You maxed out on posts, too? lol
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bboyneko 2
Yup, cloning technology is great. There is a third bboyneko lurking about....
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Prisca
LOL
Very good
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Abaddon
My girlfriend (neveraJW) has very charitably volunteered to serve tea naked whilst I skin up a big fat spliff, if we ever get called on. Either that or sit in a cage and beg for peanuts...
However, despite this and many other enjoyable fantasies about what I would do if called on, in six seperate homes in eight years I have received one call, when I really couldn't do anything other than ask him to call back when it was more convenient, as I was in Sunday morning mode (lounge around, debauch current girlfriend) and had been interuptted mid debauch.
I might like the idea of winding some Dubs up, but sex is far more important.
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Eyebrow
HAHAAH!
Loved these! I must admit, though that even when I was a hardcore JW going door to door, I loved these types of jokes. A few (a very few, haha!) of my JW friends and I would frequently share these jokes.
A fav cartoon of mine is one of Gary Larson's Far Side, with a family pretending to be furniture when JWs come to the door.
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DB
Those JWs are trying to share the good news of God's Kingdom. And all you do is ridicule them.
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betweenworlds
They are *sharing* literature that promotes dogma put forth by a group of men in Brooklyn. The good news of the kingdom as put stated in the gospels of the bible has little to do with the message that the JWs sell. I know was one for my whole life.
BW
"The important thing is to not stop questioning" Albert Einstein
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DB
That's fine BW. Then take your Bible, go out, and preach to others about God's Kingdom, just like Jesus and his disciples did.
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Skeptic
That's fine BW. Then take your Bible, go out, and preach to others about God's Kingdom, just like Jesus and his disciples did.
You are assuming that the JWs preach as Jesus and his disciples did?
Today's field ministry is nothing more than thinly-dsiguised magazine sales. The Bible is rarely, if ever used.
How many Watchtower and Awake! magazines did Jesus place per month? What literature of any kind did Jesus leave with people?
When I was first a Witness, we at least had good discussions about the Bible before placing literature. Our presentation lasted about 3 minutes and included at least 2 scriptures. Then there was a pitch for the magazines.
Now, for good reason, presentations are about 30 seconds. What was shortened or dropped altogether, reading/discussing the Bible scriptures or the magazine sales pitch? The Bible was dropped, and usually only the magazines are presented.
The KM Service meeting is basically a sales meeting. How do I know? Our FS Overseer's day job was a salesman. He often stated (and was embarrassed by it) that the KM service meeting was structure identically to the sales meetings his company holds. And he was a 100% loyal Dub.
Richard