the week from hell...I need input please!

by jonjonsimons 27 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Ray Skyhorse

  I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I'm sorry that you've lost so many loved ones the this insidious disease.

  We all deal with death in our very own, personal ways. I can't tell you how to mourn. Some people need to be alone. Others need to be around friends & family. You need to ask yourself what you need to do to heal your hurt.

  Did you make the promise to him a moment of emotional distress? If you were not in a rational state of mind when you made the promise to him, you should consider the promise voidable. If you were in a calm, rational state when you made the promise, you should keep it.

  I know that I would feel honor bound to the promise I had made to my friend, even if he were dead, but that's just me. I tend to be a very loyal person. If I had made that promise to a friend, I would think about holding a private ceremony somewhere either by myself or with a few close friends. I would go to that place that was special to him and hold the ceremony there in honor of your everlasting friendship.

  May you find peace,
  Ray

  ...they say that he got crazy once
  and he tried to touch the Sun
  and he lost a friend
  but kept his memory ....John Denver
• 

  safe4kids

  Hi Jon,

  I'm so sorry to hear of the loss you've suffered and my heart goes out to you. I think that a lot of folks have given good advice but I really think that Ray's idea of a private ceremony with possibly a few close friends is an idea worth considering. It would allow you to keep your promise to your friend but also allow you some closure as well as an opportunity to mourn him openly. Whatever you decide tho, I'll bet your friend will/would be okay with it...I'll bet he will understand.

  Hugs to you jon...

  Dana
• 

  bigboi

  Some promises are made to be broken, dude. If it were me I'd go.

  ONE....

  bigboi

  "life's a bitch a with a g-string and a twelve pack of Busch."
• 

  sennabrasil94

  hello Jon,

  Sorry about your delema.
  This is a situation that is best (in my opion) Handeled by following your hearts instincts. I believe that as death ends a marriage with it's vows and promices, as also it dose with a pact made with close and best friends. A promise of that nature and at that time may have been for your peace of mind at that point and time of grieving for you both. The pourpose of your promise may have been for that moment it sounds more like you two were trying to promise not to die on each other in that way any time soon. The promise had a deeper meanig than it's literal meaning.
  I hope you understand what I'm trying to say, And again I'm sorry about your situation follow your heart sometimes the mind thinks too much and requires too much time to decide.

  SennaBras
• 

  thinkers wife

  Dear sweet Jon,
  Do whatever it is that you need to do to console yourself.
  I lost a very dear friend to AIDS and because of circumstances and still being a Witness, I never got to say goodbye to him. That is a huge regret in my life.
  Be true to yourself.
  Hugs and kisses,
  TW
• 

  JW72

  Hi Jon, Really sorry to hear about your friend and other friends.

  The best I can think is try and think what HE would have wanted, would he want you to keep the promise or be there at the funeral.

  I don't think it's so important that you go, if you believe he would rather you didn't go.

  Good luck and take care,

  Chris
• 

  Bendrr

  Hello Jon. I am sorry to hear about your loss and I know it must hurt more when thinking about your pact. You and only you can say farewell to your friend in your own way. No traditional ceremony will ever take the place of the goodbye we all say in our hearts to those taken from us. We say that by the love we feel and the sadness that overwhelms us at the loss of a loved one, not by ceremony. A funeral is only a gathering of people, the loss is still carried away from that place to be faced alone. Neither I nor anyone else here can tell you how to say goodbye. That can only come from your heart, and my friend your heart WILL tell you how and when.
  Nothing like this is ever easy, and closing a letter even more so. So I'll just stop here and tell you that I and everyone else is thinking about you and we care about you in the bad times as well as the good and you and I both know you will make the decision that best comforts you and honors your friend.
  mike.
• 

  Tina

  Dear (((((((((((Jon)))))))))))))))
  I am so sorry sweetie :<
  Maybe you could think of a place your pal talked about or you knew he really enjoyed.A place that was beautiful to him. At the time of the service be at that place. With a flower. Spend that time telling him how you loved him,how you'll miss him,and why he was so special to you. Commune with him in a sense,in this place he loved.

  Leave the flower for him before you leave. Let him know that he'll always be with you in your heart.How knowing him changed and enriched your life.
  In this way you can honor his wish,and honor your friendship together.
  It wil be a very special,very private service between just the two of you.
  Wishing you love,courage and peace always Jon,Tina
• 

  jonjonsimons

  Joel,
  Paul and I met when I was 16 and just coming out. Like your friend Ira he was the first openly gay person I knew and he showed me that "worldly people" were more loving and comforting than all the the JWs I had ever known. I spoke with his mother a little while ago and she told me that he left me a letter, but that she wasn't allowed to give it to me until after the funeral. He put a note on the outside of the envelope to tell his mom to tell me that he loved me and that he wanted me to remember our pact. I don't know if I can deal with this. It may seem stupid to be posting this on a db but it's the only way I can seem to get it out. My partner Kevin and I have been talking for the last 4 hours and he says that I can still go to the viewing without breaking my promise, but I freak out when I see dead people and I don't want to upset his mom any more than she already is. Paul's dad died 8 months ago and we both waited at the cememtery till the hearse arrived and then we left and went to see a drag show and got drunk. It was the first time we had seen each other in months. I know that sounds stupid but it helped him deal with it better. Why didn't he tell me he was sick? His mom didn't know why and I'm totally losing it so I gotta go.
  jon
• 

  seven006

  Jon my friend.

  You can do what's in your heart or you can do what you agreed to do. Do you think your friend would honor your death or would he honor your wishes? I see no wrong with choosing either one? Both decisions will honor him either way you look at it. Your friends memory will never die within you until you die. As long as he is in your heart and in your memory he will always be your friend, alive or dead. Death is just the absence of his physical presence, love for a friend lives on forever. After all, isn't it in ones heart that love for a friend really lives, not in his presence or in his absence. I am sorry for your loss Jon and I am honored that you consider me your friend.

  My thoughts are with you.

  Your pal,
  Dave