My Unhappiness is because of Witness Thinking I have not given up

by joelbear 31 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  joelbear

  Its pretty clear to me that my continued depression and anxiety is mostly tied up with even after all these years, still basically thinking like a witness. How do I do this?

  1. I expect things to be perfect. I expect myself to be perfect and am continually disappointed. I expect perfect behavior and effort from people I work with and even from friends. Punctuality, no mistakes, good attitude, etc. etc. etc. This keeps me in a continuous mode of being frustrated and keeps me lashing out angrily at others who don't live up to my standards. Somehow, I am still the chosen one or part of the chosen people that needs to judge others according to their behavior and mark those who don't comply. I'm not proud of this. But if I am honest, I have to admit that this is so deep inside me I have not excreted it yet from my life.

  2. I want to convert people. No, not to being gay. But to seeing things my way. If I can't convert them, I see them as unworthy of my company. This pushes people away from me and leaves me isolated and lonely.

  3. I do not live in the present and enjoy the moment. Everything is a constant reflexion on the past and what it means or obsessing about the future and how to make it better.

  What other witness mental habits do we carry that take away our joy?
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  rebel8

  Black and white thinking is one, ie believing things are either all-good or all-bad and there is no gray area.

  Another one is believing there is a right and wrong to every situation (another form of B&W thinking). I remember watching the Donahue Show and being very disturbed that, after debating a social issue for an hour, no conclusion was drawn as to how things should be. I was very uncomfortable with unknowns.
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  trevor

  joelbear you said

  I do not live in the present and enjoy the moment

  That is the only thing you need to achieve to be free and happy!
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  Crumpet

  Joelbear - I am exactly like you in these respects. I have had to learn to be more forgiving both of myself and others. Its easy to forgive others than myself, but I try to put less emphasis on punctuality - as my partner is just not a punctual person. But in the first years I would take it as a deliberate smack in the face when he was late to meet me. I still don;t like it and I think its rude, but I live with it - its not as big a deal as I was brought up to believe. (you rememvber all those examples - if someone invited you to dinner you wouldn;t turn up just for dessert would you - ie so why would you turn up half way through one of Jehovah's spiritual meals which he has so lovingly provided) Ah that makes me wana puke - it really does.

  Forgive yourself more and you will be able to ease up on the judgementalism over others. As for the enjoying the moment thing - I find that so hard - I obssess constantly about things before I do them that there is no pleasure in them. For instance I'm obssessing about what conversation I will make with my Bf's family over xmas to the extent I am literally making myself sick with worry and anxiety.

  I hope we can both get over ourselves !
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  Dansk

  Joelbear:

  if I am honest, I have to admit that this is so deep inside me I have not excreted it yet from my life.

  Herein lies the whole crux of your problems - as it does for so many exjws. Sometimes I, too, find myself being judgemental, but then I step back and say to myself "Hold on a minute!" It has a lot to do with our ego, which wants us to feel we are of some importance when, in reality, we are all equal. I wouldn't beat myself up over it as you seem to be doing. I think, if you are able to take a step back, you'll realise that you've already come to a realisation - mentioned in the highlighted text above. Being honest with yourself is of primary importance and you're already there.

  I liken the JW "symptoms", which we all go through, as poisons leeching out from our bodies as we come to a closer understanding of the reality. The JWs have had decades to fine-tune their cultic hold. For us to break free takes courage and tenacity. No one said we would immediately become completely free; it takes some people a matter of weeks and others years. The good news is that eventually we really do get free!

  The other day I found myself humming a kingdom hall song See, deeply ingrained, but I noticed it! Noticing is half the battle.

  All the best,

  Ian
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  minimus

  Joel, perhaps it's the Witnesses that you're trying to blame for how you are. Why not accept responsibility and stop blaming the JWs for everything. What you describe is not just something that just exJWs suffer from. Sometimes you can be oversensitive and pissy.Maybe professional therapy would help.
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  poppers

  Hi joelbear,

  You are being very honest with yourself, so congratulations on that. Many people will never admit to themselves their shortcomings. I assume from your post that you'd like to no longer be this way. If that's the case, then you have revealed to yourself the answer when you stated:

  "I do not live in the present and enjoy the moment. Everything is a constant reflexion on the past and what it means or obsessing about the future and how to make it better."

  The present moment is all there is, but thinking about the past and obsessing about the future detracts from this very moment. Give yourself permission to let go of everything, every idea of how things should or shouldn't be. Give yourself permission to simply watch what is unfolding around you and within you without judgment. Look at the beauty around you without placing any labels on anything that you see, listen to the changing sounds as though hearing them for the first time.

  Wholeness, peace, and fulfillment can only be found right now in this very moment if there is a willingness to let go, to put down all of the baggage from the past, to release all thought of the future. You are free of everything right now. Read through some of JamesThomas's posts - he has a beautiful yet simple way of pointing to this freedom.
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  poppers

  Dansk said, "See, deeply ingrained, but I noticed it! Noticing is half the battle."

  There is a deep truth here. When noticing takes place, letting go presents itself. When there is the letting go, the present moment is met fully and consciously, and you become free of the past and free of the future. Doing this undermines deeply entrenched mental habits and releases them from you until you find yourself living consciously in the present moment more and more.
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  ohiocowboy
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  trevor

  Crumpet

  I hope your leg is on the mend. You said

  I'm obsessing about what conversation I will make with my Bf's family over xmas to the extent I am literally making myself sick with worry and anxiety.

  I used to be like that until I discovered a technique used in counselling called reflecting. You listen to the other person and reflect back what they have said. Normally people are not listening but waiting to say something about themselves, so the person talking is not really being heard.

  Being interested and willing to really hear them makes you the most interesting person they have spoken with, without giving away anything about yourself. Because the focus is on the person talking you will be able to relax.