Best urban legends, you heard in the org?

by Nicolas 29 Replies latest jw friends

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  MrMoe

  There was a story of a "pioneer" brother in Canada (I'm in the Florida, USA so this one had to travel really really far) and he cleaned the floors at Toys'R'Us at night. They always locked him in at midnight and did not let him out until the next morning - since it took all night to clean and polish the floors. One night he heard a thump thump sound so he went to an aisle and Ouija boards and stuffed animals were flying around every where. He ran to a phone terrified of this demon visit - but the demons wouldn't let him get to the phone. When they would start to shove him around he would yell Jehovah and they would go away, but he could never get to the phone. He had to wait in the store all night until the Toys'r"Us people let him out.

  An apostate kept calling the cops because her radio wouldn't shut off and it was not plugged in or didn't have any batteries. She quickly came back to meetings and the demon left. She is now reinstated. I know this person, by the way. She is a little off.

  And I've heard the smurf story too. Ever heard the one about "sprites" talking? (those cool cute toys that had feathers for hair.)
• 

  Dogpatch

  Want some more JW urban legends?
  http://www.freeminds.org/stories/urbanlore.htm

  Smurf Story 1: One fellow Witness woman I knew was very paranoid about the "demonic" nature of the Smurfs. Occasionally, she'd babysit for her neighbors (who were "worldly") and who often played with their kids in a "smurf" kiddie pool. The Witness woman never allowed the kids in the pool while she watched them, always feeling as if the pool might make the toddlers slip and fall or try to drown them.

  Smurf Story #2: One Witness mother brought her 3 year old to the supermarket, where the baby always fussed, stuck sitting in the shopping cart. The woman left her child for a few seconds to grab things off the shelf. When she returned, her child had a 3 inch Smurf bendy toy. The good Witness mother immediately took the doll and put it aside, thinking her child grabbed it from somewhere. The taking of toy made the child cry of course, but the mother would not relent. However, over the course of the shopping trip, the child somehow gained access to the toy two more times. The third time, the mother realized that the doll was following her and her baby and that demonic forces were trying to possess the child. The mother grabbed her kid, left the cart and practically ran from the store. Later, I who was employed at the supermarket, discovered one the employees who was stocking shelves kept giving the child the toy so it wouldn't fuss so bad.

  "Demonized artifact" story: One young couple reported they were having a problem with things "disappearing" around the house. Car keys, money, etc... They began to feel paranoid, unsafe, as if a "presence" were in the house with them, oppressing them. Finally they dug around in the attic and found... (dramatic pause)... a rolled up American Flag. As soon as the flag was put in the garbage... both man and woman felt as if Jehovah had indeed saved the day by leading them to the "evil demonized artifact."

  Henry
• 

  blondie

  I always find these stories some pathetic JWs bid for a little fame and personal attention. Like telling scary stories around the campfire.

  The ones that scare me are the ones where they think JWs all have an angel at their side to protect them in the field ministry. I guess the one with that sister in Russia must have been gone on a coffee break.
• 

  slipnslidemaster

  What about the householder that was putting the gun in their mouth just as the dubs rang the doorbell and was "praying" that someone would come and "save" them.

  Of course, the "angels" had directed the publishers to knock on this door, the last door...before the donut break...and now he is the CO giving the experience from the District Convention today.

  He then goes on to bring his entire family into the "truth" and later cures cancer.

  Praise Jehovah.

  Does that count?

  Slipnslidemaster: "I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves."
  - Ludwig Wittgenstein
• 

  closer2fine

  I remember the one with the ouija board.

  A group of witness kids were playing with one and asking it questions. One of the kids asked it if it was afraid of JW's. It spelled out:

  "No, because we control their children."

  I also remember the one about Led Zeppelin.

  The song "Stairway to Heaven" was written after one of them dated a JW girl.

  closer

  I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
  than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance - e.e. cummings
• 

  thewiz

  I've got a few

  Yes, I remember the Smurfs. The older "Sis" who told me said it was actually her son-in-law (an elder somewhere in New Hampshire, USA) that was bit in the leg by a runaway smurf -he must have been smurfa-licious.

  Remember the subliminal images, supposedly hidden in certain pictures by artists. When I first heard it I immediately got a copy of a WT bound volume and looked at it. Sure enough there is the face of Jesus (the face of J in shroud of turin image) folded up in the angel's (he is watching over the door-to-door work) clothes. Also I think the Live Forever book is supposed to have has things in it most noteably the picture of the Zodiac Aries ram in a table side picture.

  John Denver was another one. He supposedly hated witnesses so much because they do not vote, that at a certain point in the concert He would ask if the were any JWs present, he would ask them to stand, and then begin to play the National Anthem, whereupon he would ask them to leave. I replied everytime, when I heard those rumors, that I had been to 4 of his concerts and he never did that.

  Glenn Campbell -I heard that one too. Ultimately, I believe it was just someone who was baptized that just happen to have the same name.

  There was a rumor flying around in RI that hot dogs contained blood in the form of Sodium Eurthebate. My mother threw away several packs include the flat form of hot-dogs, bologna.

  Ever here the Ambulance story in a talk, where supposed a guy refused to pull out of the way of an ambulance? Every turn he took the ambulance followed. He pulls in his mothers driveway, and it turns out that it was his mother who was in trouble -she died. I have to give 'em that one tho, even major newspapers fell for that one.
  -classic Urban Legend

  Oh yeah, the guy hiding in the back seat of a Pioneer? -classic UL

  The elder who covered for his son who murdered his pregnant wife and left her in a ditch. And how Jehovah's spirit left the cong until the evil was finally routed out. -heard that one in Alaska, I think.
• 

  Maximus

  How about the story that was actually told at a circuit assembly, of a sister who was in the Virginia hunt country and working in service. Meets up with Jackie Kennedy, who informs the pub that her brother-in-law Bobby Kennedy subscribes to the Watchtower. Big witness given. The brother in charge of the Experiences session was chewed out royally a month later, the CO was in trouble, blah, blah. The DO didn't buy it. True story.

  What about the story about the rapist who says he would have raped the JW at his door were it not for the two burly men next to her.

  "What two men? I was alone."

  You know, he saw their wings--I guess.

  Don't get me started on these stories ... I have tons of them.

  Max
• 

  Eyebrow

  Here is a personal one...

  While I was studying to get baptised, I was having trouble with depression and mood swings. The sister asked if I had anything demonic in my apartment. I thought really, really hard, thinking that this may be the answer. Finally, I came up with a short story I had written a few years before that had a brief Satan cameo in it. Convinced that was what was causing the problems, we decided I should get rid of it.

  Of course, I thought it was the right thing to do at the time. I also was convinced that I should destroy my Grateful Dead tape collection and other tapes that the society deemed inappropriate. (I made this decision on my own.)

  I am still kicking myself in the head for throwing away the story and the tapes.
• 

  Bridgette

  I heard this one sitting at a kitchen table one night with a sister.
  A sister buys a bra at a garage sale (yes, a bra). And wears it to bed (why, I don't know). But can't get to sleep because of the "tingly sensations" in her breastal area. I'm not kidding. I had a hard time keeping a straight face. The "sensations" increase, and she wakes her husband. Diagnosis: molestation by demons. Bra burned. End of story.
  I remember wondering if sista friend was a little sexually frustrated.
  hmmmm...
  B.
• 

  SixofNine

  Bridgette, it was probably just a firefighters asbestos bra.

  eyebrow, if you can kick yourself in the head, maybe you are possesed!