Best urban legends, you heard in the org?

by Nicolas 29 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  thewiz

  In response to the John Denver story I figured I keep this as a seperate post.

  When I went to Alaska for a quick-build (?1985?) I had mentioned to the bros I was staying with that I had gone to a John Denver Concert, and they proceeded to rant about the John Denver rumor. I let them have their fun.

  Maybe a couple days later they were relating, if I remember correctly, the elder covering over his sons murder, the Smurfs thing, ya know, the whole list. So I decided to tel them one.

  Just to teach them about listening and spreading rumors.

  I said, "did you ever guys every hear about the two smurfs?"

  They said, "what is it?"

  I related...

  "Well it seems these two smurfs were particularly 'bad' smurfs, kind of like how some demons are actually worse than others. "

  "Yeah, go on," they said.

  "OK. These two smurfs had grabbed this women and dragged her into a alley, and threatened to kill her if she didn't have sex with them. She let them have their way and proceeded to rape her."

  "Well a couple weeks go by and on this particular day a sister was walking down the same street, and these two smurfs come dodging out of the alley and grabbed her."

  "They threatened the same thing with her. She, however, said she would not allow them to have their way and it would be a violation of her conscience to consent to their demands, and that she would fight to the death if she had to. She then proceeded to give them a Witness."

  "Because of this, they let her go. They were impressed by her stand and deep moral convistions."

  Well, by now these guys are all sitting on the edge of their seats.

  "Wow, that's some story." they collectively said.

  I said, "but that's not all... Do you know because of that sister's stand, those two smurfs are in the truth today."

  I got a big sigh of disgust from the whole group. I thought at least one of them was going to beat me up. -very true story.
• 

  Lindy

  I don't know how much of a legend this is, but it happened in our congregation with witnesses to the event. I was not among them but knew them all and none of the ones involved tended toward the dramatic.

  A young newly converted couple were taking some pictures outdoors with this old used camera and when the pictures were developed they came back with them in old fashioned turn of the century clothing. They had been wearing jeans and modern clothing when the pictures were taken. They tossed the camera, of course.

  I have a few others but that was the most bizzare that I came across beyond the usual demonized tables, chairs, ashtray, paintings, houses, and the like.
• 

  SixofNine

  Well no, Lindy. See, what you just said, is exactly how this shit starts. You may, for some reason believe it, but it is not the truth. I don't know if that makes you a liar or not, but it is close.

  If that had ever happened, those people would be on every talk show in the country.

  In actual fact, no one has ever taken a picture wearing one thing, and had the film come out with them wearing something else.

  You do understand how film works, don't you? The focused light, the film recording, that stuff?
• 

  Pete

  OK, here's my contribution.

  1) I can remember in the early ‘70s -- at a service meeting and from the platform -- the presiding overseer relating a story of two sisters who had been in service, and unbeknownst to them, had come to a door of a fortune-telling psychic.

  When the psychic realized they were Jehovah’s Witnesses, she asked them "Please tell me why the year 1975 is so important?"

  The sisters explained the significance of the year to JWs. Then they asked the psychic why she had asked.

  She told them that all of her demon contacts in the netherworld had recently been difficult to access. When she had asked the remaining demons why -- they told her they had to prepare for the cataclysmic year 1975!

  2) Another smurf story: While in a car group some sisters were talking about those diabolical smurfs! One sister related that she knew a sister in another congregation that, to her horror, had discovered her children watching the Smurfs cartoon show.

  The mother raced to the TV and turned it off and was about to "counsel" her kids about the evil smurfs -- when she realized the cartoon show had been turned on again! She immediately turned it off again and watched the screen. To her terror a little smurf hand came out of the TV screen and turned the it back on.

  Horrified, she unplugged the TV and placed an open bible on top of it. Then, she and the kids got on their knees and prayed that Jah remove these demons.

  Too funny!

  Hey ballistic: apreciated your Stevie Smith quote from "Not Waving but Drowning." Have you seen the Glenda Jackson movie titled "Stevie"?

  Pete
  pmf
• 

  funkyderek

  Never really heard much in the way of urban legends, but I am reminded of when I used to go to conventions as a child. The car would almost invariably break down or we'd get lost. My mother would work herself up into a terrible state about this and start crying, convinced that Satan was trying to stop us getting there. Of course the fact that we always had an old car which wasn't used to the 100-mile-plus journey, and the fact that the route was unfamiliar didn't really figure. That sort of superstition is only a small step away from smurf stories and the like.

  --
  Those who can induce you to believe absurdities can induce you to commit attrocities - Voltaire
• 

  RunningMan

  The smurf hand turning on the TV seems to be a reincarnation
  of another similar story.

  Many years ago, a couple stayed home from the meeting and were
  watching the TV. The show "Bewitched" came on. They felt
  that they should not be watching the show, so they turned it off.
  A hand came out of the TV and turned it back on again. They never
  missed another meeting.
• 

  thewiz

  This is from someone Who is a missionary down in Bolivia. In my book this guy is one of the best people I know. I've always felt comfortable around him. Loud and ?egarious.

  He told me this one personnaly, not second hand.

  He said he ran into this guy going door-to-door or incidental.

  This guy had a business of locating things for people and what not.

  To do this the guy had a skeleton of someone who had died 100+ or so ago.

  He would take this skeleton out of the case and set it up or prop it up as best he could. People would then enquire about usually some lost item, like a ring or some other valuable.

  This generated him a decent income.

  The brother explianed to him the real source of this skeletons power.

  Well this brother said, "can you ask it two questions for me."

  He said, "Next time you set this thing up ask it/them if Jehovah is the name of the true God and ask it/them how much time they have left." He asked the second one hoping to get a freebie, and maybe the d boys would give him a jump start on Arm.

  Months/Years go by and he sees this guy at a kingdom hall building. thinking this guy is a witness by now or studying he approaches him and says, "HowzItGoin?" turns out the guy was only there for free food.

  He said, "Remember those two questions I asked you to ask your dummy?"
  The guy says, "Yeah I remember."

  "when you asked it, about God's name did it say that God's name was Jehovah?" He said, "Yeah, it did."

  He then asked, "did you ask it how long they had?"

  He said "Yeah, but when I asked it/they got so mad it/they left. It ruined my business."

  I had to assume that he wasn't lying to me. I don't think he's the type to just make stuff up.
• 

  Hmmm

  JW couple is having problems with demons. They isolate the problem to something in the basement. (Ever notice how people who couldn't diagnose when a car runs out of gas, can find the most obscure knick-knack that was once owned by a person who knew someone who delivered milk to the third cousin of the sister of a devil-worshipper?)

  Two elders are called in on the case. The elders try banishing the demonic force by commanding it to leave. No dice. So they take paper plates and write "JEHOVAH" on them. They throw the paper plates down the basement steps. Each time a plate lands there is a terrible scream. Finally the Jehovah-plates ellicit no demonic moaning. The house is free of demons.

  This story was told to me at a get-together with family--JWs and non-JWs. I was desperately trying to change the subject, but we all know that JWs can't resist telling these stories. The non-JWs were sharing barely disguised eye-rolls with each other.

  Also told at that happy gathering: An "Illuminati" type story of the United Nations. A brother came "ran into" a high-ranking UN official. He asked him "So, when are you going to unite the world under one religion?" The UN guy said, "How did you know?"

  JW woman starts flirting with the dark side--ouija boards, etc... and is visited by demons. She says something like, "I'm not afraid of you. Show me your power!" She is "violated" several times by several demons, and is now permanently in a wheelchair.

  Years earlier I'd heard a similar story, but it was a man who'd been a witchdoctor before becoming a JW. He got a little cocky with his former demon playmates and challenged them. He's in a wheelchair. Probably sits right next to the aforementioned sister at the conventions.

  Hmmm
• 

  Francois

  Smurfs?

  Those irritating cartoon characters on TV?

  Don't tell me...

  You don't really mean, I though.., are you seriou..., smurfs?... you're not kidding are you...???

  I HAVE been out a long time. Smurfs are deeeeminz, right?

  I shoulda known.

  Francois
• 

  Faraon

  My brother Cesar’s stories,
  He begins to have nightmares for a month. He cannot sleep. Prays to the Jewish war god and discovers a newspaper under his bed. Tries to burn it but all burns except the horoscopes. He has to add kerosene in order to burn them.
  Working as a traveling salesman, he goes to a hotel. Feels attacked. Looks under the bed and sure enough, some kid had left a smurf under the bed.
  While a MS, he is conducting a Watchtower, aka “bible”, study. The girl shows to be possessed: foaming of the mouth, green vomit, 360 degree head turn. You know, the effects seen on “The Exorcist”. The PO and he go to the attic looking for things that might cause this, and sure enough when they come across this beautiful old dress, the girl starts screaming from downstairs: not that one. They burn it with kerosene and pray to the Jewish god. Case solved.
  This one from my wife:
  A JW missionary couple in a small town in Mexico are surrounded by a mob led by a Catholic Priest. They start discussing the bible but as you know the priest doesn’t know anything about the bible so he becomes enraged and starts kicking the obviously pregnant missioner in the belly. The priest is kicked out of town, and the whole town accepts the Watchtower Bible and Tract Publishing Corp.

  JRP