Why can't I get over it already?

by schne_belly 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • schne_belly
    schne_belly


    I’ve had several people whom I’ve considered friends (JW’s) basically drop off the face of this earth.

    Not once have I “really” discussed with them my reasons for leaving... Actually come to think of it, only one of them has even asked. I just responded to her that I still love God, & kept it short and simple. I know better than to go into detail.

    I truly believed these people were genuine... maybe I just WANT and NEED to believe this. I thought that they knew me better than to believe any gossip that is going around about me. Up until recently this proved true.

    I guess deep down, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I knew this would happen. I know I can exert my efforts & time to people who are altruistic and actually worthy of my time. I have found new friends and concentrated on other things to help me move past this. However, ever so often this overwhelming sense of frustration and hurt comes over me. I give in, call or E-mail these old “friends” to say “Hi” and pretend nothing is wrong. I get an answering machine (coincidence?) and never a response back.

    I just can’t let go. I keep thinking maybe they are sick, or on vacation, or their computer broke and that there is GOOD reason for them not returning my calls/e-mails.

    When will I get the clue that it’s senseless and actually learn to stick with it? I guess as much as it would hurt, I would just like them to just come out and tell me they don’t want my friendship….that would be easy to understand and for me to grasp.

    There are various ways of handling this.

    Should I continue to call and bug them….and FORCE them to tell me to lay off. I really hate throwing myself at people though.

    Should I just give up on them, like it appears they have done to me?

  • schne_belly
    schne_belly

    WOOPS! Part of that got cut off...just a second

  • schne_belly
    schne_belly

    This is just a small part of my daily struggles due to leaving the org. It’s getting better to deal with, but I just can’t completely let go of my past companions. I know our friendship would be limited even if they would reciprocate my efforts. So why can’t I just suck it up and get over it?

    Do I still need this small part of my past? How could I, it only brings about pain and memories.


  • inbyathread
    inbyathread

    Has it been a long day Schne? You know we love you and Mr. Schne.

  • schne_belly
    schne_belly

    Hi there Friend (inbyathread)!

    Yes, my days can get long.... when I'm bored, I just think about life. I guess sometimes that's not always good

    I know it'll get better. Thanks for your and the Mrs. encouragement & friendship. It helps..it really does.

  • yaddayadda
    yaddayadda

    As hard as it is to admit, your former friends are proving themselves to not be real friends at all. They are nothing but 'conditional' friends, and the condition was that you continued to be an active JW. No one needs friends like that. They are a classic case of pretend Christians who do not know the meaning of the word 'love'. Their friendship has turned out to be phoney, shallow, predicated on following an organisation. JW friendship is just a bubble that bursts at the slightest touch.

    Forgive them and move on. You said you have found new friends. Concentrate on them.

  • JH
    JH
    I thought that they knew me better than to believe any gossip that is going around about me


    The moment you quit going to meetings and FS, they will gossip.

    In other words, you still want to be their friends, but don't want the religion part anymore.... I understand.

    In my case, when I quit going to meetings I began hanging around with inactive and disfellowshipped ones.

    I know that you have a few friends on this board that love you and live close by. Give your love and time to them instead.

  • whyamihere
    whyamihere

    Honey, I am sorry!

    Truth hurts doesn't it? Remember that stupid saying.."If you love something set it free if it doesn't came back it wasn't meant to be"?

    Give your heart a break. It is hard, but just focus on yourself, and your Husband. Take some time from calling them, and over analyzing the friendship. You need it.

    In the mean time...you are invited to my place on Feb 12th for Lily's Birthday Party! (I know early but I can't wait)

    Brooke

  • bennyk
    bennyk

    It wasn't a small part of your life; it is understandable that you grieve your loss.

    Remember that it may well be that they don't really wish to act this way -- it's the indoctrination. You may wish to attempt to remain in some contact with them; maybe you'll be there for them when it's their turn to leave. In any event: don't invest too much heart -- you're only going to get hurt.

    Hugs from my wife and myself.

  • bavman
    bavman

    With the way you are feeling right now it sounds like you need to simply think about taking care of yourself. Perhaps in the future an opportunity will come up to talk with your former friends. They are that though...former friends. Focus on those who really are true friends and love you. By the way if you and your husband are ever down in the Milwaukee area send me a pm. I would love to meet you both. Take care!

    Bav

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