I have been lurking for some time and only recently started to post. If you have seen my posts, I have always represented myself as a “loyal” JW and one who is planning to stay in. However, lately my faith and commitment as a JW has been tested and, without going into details, I am having problems of faith and life that I could really use some help on.
If so, you might ask, why don’t I just leave? Well, I have a wife that is a very devout JW and she would be crushed and very upset if I quit – she believes it ALL 100% and lives to worship the Borg. In fact, she would be very upset if she even knew I was visiting this site. So the real choices are: 1.) Stay in the religion and keep my marriage or 2) Leave both the religion and the marriage. (I am afraid that life would be hell if I tried to stay in the marriage but quit being a JW. BTW, this is my 2 nd marriage, not a great one but one that I am willing to try to save. My happy 1 st marriage was lost because she quit both me and the “Truth”)
So, choosing Option 1, the question then becomes: What can constitute me “staying in” as a JW? Given that past serious injustices as a JW justifiably “stumbled me” (these alone caused me to find it necessary to search for answers from JWD), I felt I had no choice but to develop Coping Skills in order to go forward in life. These skills are what I characterize as “cream skimming” i.e. a Plan to get the best out of being a JW, while avoiding the worst. So here’s my Plan. Tell me if this will work….
1. I will attend meetings only for my spiritual nourishment, worship of God and fellowship and not out of guilt, loyalty to an organization or need to learn how to save others. This will mean going to meetings if and when I want to and not because I have to. This will mean only listening (and occasionally commenting, when I feel like it) and not helping out, except with monetary contributions, which I can easily afford.
2. I will enjoy my successful career and its rewards first and any enjoyment as a “brother” second. This will mean that I will plan to get all my self-esteem from my rewarding work. This will mean I will focus fisrt on my family/home, the work and then personal life and then lastly my life of being a “cream skimming” JW.
3. In tandem with the above, I will seek and nurture my good and fun-to-be-with adult professional “worldly” friends to the exclusion of lesser friends I find in the “Truth”
4. Keep an open free mind and look at and participate (for the good) in this very interesting, helpful and often encouraging web site. (BTW, thanks again to all those postings that have helped me “clear” my head on some things.)
5. Now here’s the toughest part. To keep this “show” alive and keep my wife happy and not suspicious, I need to do Field Service. This is the part I detest the most, as I feel like such a hypocrite when I do go out. How about just 3 hours a month and only offer Bible encouragement and harmless invites to the public talk at the local church Kingdom Hall?
6. Be a peace with God and myself by continuing to get closure on the past injustices inflicted on me while I was a devote JW.
Can this work or am I just fooling myself? Realize, Option 2 has some serious downsides also. (And, sorry this is so long)