by HiddenQuestioner 41 Replies latest jw friends
Well, for a newbie with only 10 posts, you have certainly managed to figure out fonts and emoticons on this board. That is simply amazing.
:I am having problems of faith and life that I could really use some help on.
Here's my help: never end a sentence in a preposition, fool. Second help: get the heck out of that cult and every one associated with it. And never look back.
Farkel
Just tell your wife that you have some doubts about a few things but don't want to discuss it. Then just do the bare minimum, going to only 1 meeting a week from thereon. No answering up, no FS, nothing but 1 meeting a week. Then nap during the meeting or engage in gentle meditation.
If your wife really loves you she won't get too upset.
You poor bastard. It's gonna be tough.
I strongly recommend that you adopt a "reason" for your lack of compliance - that you can fall back on when things get too
stupid and repellent in the Kingdom Hall. I also recommend this approach because , if you don't pick an affliction, your body
may do it for you, as may have happened with countless Witnesses already!
I found depression to be very handy. Migraines work well, too.
You need to pack a metaphorical parachute. You might also want to slowly work on your wife and gradually encourage her doubts
while maintaining a close relationship. Otherwise, the frustration could drive you nuts.
metatron
Hello Hiddenquestioner, A plan is good, and this is a good plan. You should go with it. But allow yourself flexibility to alter your plan as time goes on. You see, it is you that has changed not the organization, whether you like it or not. The organization has always been what you see it to be now. You will continue to change, see things differently, and while this will be painful it is a good thing. But there are other options. Try some of the suggestions of Jgnat. Keeping an open mind and hanging out here is good, but don't think you will remain stagnant. As time passes, take a moment to ask yourself "Is this working for me?" If not, try something a little different. And don't write your wife off to quick. I was sure mine would turn me into the elders but I took at a chance and revealed my plan. Although the outcome was not entirely what I hoped for, she came on out of the organization with me. There is no painless way to leave this thing. That is what I hate about it. You either stay and sacrifice your life, or leave and sacrifice MOST of your life. But that is temporary. In time there is Happiness again. Keep us posted. Steve PS A tongue in cheek hello to the always gentle Farkel
I tried what you are considering a number of times before I finaly left, I could do only it short term, being true to myself always over-powered my efforts at pretense. I found that Jesus knew exactly what he was saying at Matthew 12: 34b ...I couldn't keep it up...I couldn't live a lie.
Best Wishes
You know what, I think that your plan sounds fine, and that you should go with it for as long as it is working for you. Probably better off donating your money elsewhere, but hey you have free will..... I like this: This will mean that I will plan to get all my self-esteem from my rewarding work. This will mean I will focus fisrt on my family/home, the work and then personal life and then lastly my life of being a “cream skimming” JW....... Also take up some personal interests; look into a hobby, go once a week for a while. Suggestion for later on: change nights to a meeting night ('have no choice honey, that's the only night it runs'). Even booking some adult education classes for that night will be a lot better for you than the cognitive dissonance you'll be suffering at the meetings, and you'll enjoy meeting people you have something in common with.... Field service, actually yes that's very ugly. I like your minimal effort routine and say go with that for now. Consider saying that you'll be doing street witnessing (on your own because that's more effective), and just kill the time instead. Find people to take you on calls. I doubt the validity of at least half of the reported hours spent out on the preach.... All the best.... Sorry if the formatting stuffed up.
Hey good idea jgnat (about what to put in the contribution box-I need to be a bit mischievious)
And hi there Hidden! Well, I used to think the same way you do as most of us on here once did. Although I still keep up appearences and what not I realize how unhappy my life would be if I just gave up and caved into the society's demands.
It would be like they won. I mean sure your mind and heart will be somewhere else but in time I think the show you would be putting would start to wear on you. Be happy! Imagine waking up at 90 and realizing you gave up your happinness for a false religion. How sad.
But in the end I suppose you must follow your heart. Good luck! I mean, best wishes. I mean, cheers! I mean, see ya.
Sounds like you arent planning on using skin cream as much as you are planning on getting a facial. A governing body facial.
GBL, that just sounded fuckin disgusting, if you mean it like that kind of a facial...)
HiddenQuestioner, good for you, that you`re finding out the truth about "the truth". Sounds like you have a plan. If you love your woman, and you know she`ll never leave, and especially if you have kids (don`t know if you do, but if you do), then this might be the way for you. Not everyone can leave the JWs, some people have their entire family connected to that cult, and risk loosing their entire family if the wanna get out, so never feel guilty or like you`re a hypocrite or something like that. I do see a couple of problems with all this though, that you might have to consider: First, as you mentioned, there is the field service-stuff. Imagine, you ring on that door-bell, and some nice,little old lady invites you, and you sit down there at the coffe table, and she serves you coffe and cake (well, that doesn`t happen very often, but anyway...). So you sit there, and tell her stuff you know are lies! And it`s like you could just tell her "look, lady, I don`t really believe in this crap, but the coffe is really good", that would just be totally bizarre, ha ha (but really cool, though...). But maybe you could fix it so you could go alone. Then you could just go sit in a cafè and drink hot cocoa while the lyal little JWs are out getting wet in the rain. Oh, here`s an idea: Fix a pretend/fake Bible study with one of your worldly firends! You know, the kind of study that just goes on and on, without any result.
And, if you`re a Bible-interested person, and you continue reading on this forum, and you start learning how to read the Bible properly, I think it would be hard for you to sit there at the meetings and listen to that amateurish, retarded interpretation of the Bible coming from the speaker on the platform...I think this might be just as hard as "faking it" in field service. Anyway, it`s good that you`re realising that the WTS is just crap. And, if you have kids, having a "normal" dad will be a good counterweight against the scary, insane stuff in the JW-religion, Armageddon, demons and all that shit. And you could give them birthday presents secretely and stuff.
You don't mention if you love your current wife.
I think this is kind of pivotal.
If so, fight for it and her. If she doesn't come with you, you were honest and decent to her even if she doesn't think so.
If not, well;
My happy 1 st marriage was lost because she quit both me and the “Truth”)
She still single? Did she leave you because she didn't think you'd leave the JW's or for some other reason? "Hi, I've left the JW's and my marriage. I thought you'd like to know you were right" might be a good opener either way.
Whatever you do, don't stay. The rest of your life and your self respect are worth more than that,
Lot of good (but conflicting) advice here, HQ. Have fun sorting it all out! :-)
Sounds like you're determined to rob the Watchtower of its greatest weapon -- guilt. Good for you. I encourage you not to take up any NEW guilt. Your piss-poor efforts at field service aren't going to bring anybody in, so don't sweat that. You'll be sure to suck at it, I'm sure. Your $3 in the box every week or so isn't going to make a bit of difference one way or the other, so don't sweat that either. Make a contribution if you want to, don't if you don't. No pedophiles or Quotes sites are going to hang or not based on your contributions.
So no guilt. None. Good.
Your wife. Abaddon's question is key -- do you love her? Do you have children? If you do, perhaps you'll stay with her for them. It didn't sound like you have children. If you don't have children and you don't love her, then perhaps its time to cut this whole chapter of your life loose and move on? Of course, if she wasn't a JW, perhaps you WOULD love her. Who knows? So give time a chance to work. But I personally wouldn't "hang in there" with no kids and no love with a JW wife if I could honestly describe it as "hell".
I think you can tell we're all pullin' for you. Don't let this be the last we hear on this! Keep coming back and getting things hashed out. Lot's of incredibly skilled people here that I'd hate to face tomorrow without.
Dave
