Gossip - The JW Method

by Lady Lee 17 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Lady Lee

  When I was still a JW, I hated gossip. Well I still do. I work much better with facts. The real facts. When I committed adultery to get away from an abusive husband I thought that the elders had enough information to paint me as a scarlet woman. Well at least I thought they did. A few years ago I got together with a few x-JWs in Montreal. The last time I got together with them they brought along a couple that seemed familiar to me. Turns out that the wife was the sister of someone my husband had studied with. Once I knew the connection I vaguely remembered her.

  Well ,did I get an earful! She told me some of the stories that were circulating about my exit. I don't even recall what the rumors were, but I was shocked. Really shocked.

  The WTS makes sure that judicial committees are always behind closed doors. No one but those involved have any idea what really happened. But this back room policy lends itself to assumptions and exxagerations from the R&F.

  I was a good JW. I was helpful, considerate, kind. I have never been reproved for anything. Not once in 22 years.

  So without any information other than what was in the DFing announcement, (I didn't go), the rumor mill went into high gear.

  About 5 years later I considered going back. I'm glad I had my eyes opened and decided to never go back but what if I had? What if I decided to go and sit in the hall and be ignored for however long it took for the elders to say I had been punished enough?

  My reputaion was shredded. And yes I did commit adultery so I am responsible for that choice. But what about all the other things that were said and embellished on. What about all those things that in the absence of the facts were manufactured? Those things would always be "out there". If I had decided to go back, I would have had to deal with my responsibility but there is no way to counter the lies. Since the only thing I had done wrong was 1 thing, then the dozens of other things would always be floating around out there. I would always be under this cloud of suspicion.

  I've seen people post here that they did get reinstated. Some more than once.

  • What effect did the gossip mill have on your attempt to go back?
  • Did you find out there were stories circulating that had no truth in them whatsoever?
  • Were you always treated as a "marked" person even after you were reinstated?
  • If you never went back have you found out about the rumors about you and what you supposedly did?
• 

  stillajwexelder

  From the other point of view I was actually chair of a JC and I overheard brothers and sisters talking aboutt he case -they got most of the facst wrong and had embellished the story. I wanted to say 'Look I overheard what you said and you got it all wrong - this is what really happened and what is the truth". But I was bound by confidentiality and could not correct them. I was then seen and they must have assumed I had overheard and assumed that since I did not correct them, they had got the facts correct, which was a long way from the truth.
• 

  Lady Lee

  Thanks stilla

  Good viewpoint form the other side. In a situation like that you can't win.

  So what would happen when that DFed person wants to come back and all the lies are being told?
• 

  Highlander

  In most cases the lies won't affect your reinstatement, cuz the elders involved will only be concerned about whether or not you have repented and no longer lead a lifestyle that

  caused you to be df'd,, however on the flip side,, because of all the lies, rumors, etc, the r/f and will always view you according to those lies not according to what really happened.

  Though we are told to forgive and forget, in actual practice those that heard the lies and rumors will always consider you 'marked' in some form or another.

  But what else should we expect? The JW lifestyle is so unfullfiling, boring, repressive, therfore the general jw public grasps onto these rumors with full might so as to attain some

  excitement in their lives. There's nothing more exciting to the brothers and sisters than to 'talk' about so and so and what that person did.
• 

  Seeker4

  Lady Lee,

  Interesting post.

  I've lived in the same area for nearly all my life. Small New England towns, the same congregation for 35 years, where I was a very active elder for quite some time.

  I'd probably also be shocked at the rumors that have exploded, first, around my stepping down and within a few years leaving the Witnesses, and about 17 months ago, leaving a 33 year marriage and moving in with the lady in my avatar.

  One that I heard was that all of this was because I'm ADHD. That was certainly one of the nicer ones. My ex-wife keeps me pretty well informed of all the rumors about me that she hears.

  It has been hard as hell to go through all this while still living in the same area. Me, I just hold my head high and whenever I go out in public I'm smiling and and humming a happy song. The bastards won't wear me down.

  S4
• 

  RichieRich

• What effect did the gossip mill have on your attempt to go back?

Well, it does make things harder. Didn't really affect me, but I've seen it tear people apart.

Did you find out there were stories circulating that had no truth in them whatsoever?

Yes, I was reprooved for cussing on the internet. THe young brother who turned me in (because he loves me so) is the son of a ministerial servant. The father owns a body shop, and employs many area JWs. One sister, who works as a secretary, reportedly heard from him that when this brother's son found a website containing pornagraphic material that I was running, he called my mother, and she cussed him out. Far from it, there was nothing pornographic, and he never even called my mom. When I approached the brothers about it (fight fire with fire) they said it wasn't something they were very concerned with.

Were you always treated as a "marked" person even after you were reinstated?

People recognize now that I am making progress (haha) but I was treated bad for a while.

In most cases the lies won't affect your reinstatement, cuz the elders involved will only be concerned about whether or not you have repented and no longer lead a lifestyle that

One of the reasons I HAD to be reprooved was bc my sins were public knowlege. That played a big part, so sincerity and repentance take a back seat to reproaching God's name...