Some of you may know that I had regularly been studying with the JW's for about two years, but I was never baptized. I stumbled on some information about the child molestation scandal a few months ago, and that started me on the road to questioning the organization (for further details on my situation, see my Topic history).
Anyway, up until now, I had decided to just fade into the background, still attending Sunday KH meetings because I want to attend some church, and I just don't know where else to go (don't agree w/ the teachings of the other churches in my vicinity either). My last "study" w/ my bible study conductor (a month or so ago) was terrible. She and another Witness kind of "ganged up" on me, doing everything in their power to connect the scriptural dots and make me admit that they were the truth and that I was willfully rejecting it (which I never did, btw).
Anyway, I went to the KH today, and after the service, my B.S. conductor (pun intended) tried to get me to set up a meeting with her and an elder, which she freely admitted was to make her feel better. I had a strong feeling that the purpose of that meeting would be the same as my last meeting with her, so I told her I didn't want to. She started questioning me again, and I told her I just could not accept the doctrine of the F&DS and that I didn't think that only JW's were going to survive Armageddon (I've never told her about all the dirt I found on the WTS because I didn't want her to know I knew, which would have made me feel uncomfortable going to the KH). Get this, though: She then goes into this diatribe of sorts, where she starts spouting scriptures about how the JW's ARE the only true religion and that she "shudders" for me. She said the "shudder" thing a couple of times in the last meeting, and I let it pass. When she said it again here, I gritted my teeth and let it pass. I just let her talk. She then asked me if I could write down some things about the FD&S doctrine that bothered her. I said I could, but I'd prefer not to because it would just end up being insulting to her (she's definitely a company woman all the way), and after she read it, I'd be uncomfortable attending the KH (even though she assured me that she wouldn't share my list with the elders). She just kept on spouting scriptures, but when I had a reply to each assertion she made, she finally said that she that my reasoning was a "cop out" and that, again, she "fears" for me. Well, at that point, I was tired of being polite. I said to her, "I think it's pretty presumptious of you to say that I'm going to die at Armageddon because I'm not a JW." I thought that would get her because I've never really been that blunt with her before. I was shocked, though, because she refused to take it back or admit that she was wrong. Instead, she just said that they were "encouraged" to pray for people, even those who persecute them ("not that you're persecuting us, of course").
I think this is the first time I've really seen my book study conductor for what she really is: a complete wind-up toy for the JW organization. It's as if she isn't viewing me as a human being. She is viewing me as a person who has not accepted the JW teachings, and she no longer cares about how I feel or what she says to me. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but it's almost as if she wants me to stop attending the KH--get the apostate out of their midst and all that. I'm angry now and don't even want to go back to the KH, but one part of me wants to continue going just to get her goat.
Is my bible study conductor's behavior the norm for when people decide they don't want to join?