{{{{{unique1}}}}}
I expect a similar, final confrontation with my folks is coming.
I can't find it, but someone may be able to point you to the threads re: baptism nullification.
Here We GO - Can't Fade No More
by unique1 41 Replies latest watchtower bible
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peacefulpete
Witholding love and communication is not discipline it is abuse.
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ferret
Look up the word UNCONDITIONAL: Websters dictionary defines it: absolute, without qualifying conditions. Let your parents read this meaning and explain what they think it means
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AK - Jeff
Wow. Thanx for sharing. (((((hugs))))
You would think that it would hit them square between the eyes when they found that the Watchtower publications only mention unconditional love three times - total !
Just remember that they are boxed in to a concept that has them so damn blind they could not tell which way was up without consulting Brooklyn. Don't let your unconditional love die. It is the trump card that might someday help them to see the reality.
Jeff
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Ticker
Really enjoyed your post! I'm happy you stood your ground and gave your reasons to your parents. Hopefully they may pick up on what you said and start thinking outside the box.
Ticker
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GoingGoingGone
((((((unique1))))))
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. My thoughts are with you.
GGG
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jschwehm
It's fascinating that your folks had to look up unconditional love in the Watchtower publications to see what it meant. And, of course, the Watchtower defines it as love with conditions. It could be that with time your folks will lighten up. My father told me that if I left the JWs that it would be difficult for him and my mother to have a relationship with me. They speak with us regularly now and have even come to visit.
Jeff S.
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blondie
unique1, what can you say about a group of people who had a respected member say this:
"If the Society told me that this book is black instead of green, I would say, `Y'know, I could have sworn that it was green, but if the Society says it's black, then it's black!' (spoken by Bart Thomson, WTS District Overseer, by Raymond Franz in Crisis of Conscience, p. 296.)
Blondie
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unique1
Below is my letter to the parental units. They haven't responded. Maybe the shunning has officially begun or they are just being slow. Maybe someone on here can take something from it. I figured the support I received from you all helped me write it so you should see it. Thanks again.
Definition of Unconditional per Webster’s Dictionary: Without conditions or limitations; absolute.
OK here is the deal. You and Dad may not have forced me but you did in fact guilt me into getting baptized. In case you forgot during my questions, I answered the question “Are you ready to get baptized?” with a resounding “NO”. When I came home and told you guys, you started in on me. “Why do you want to let Jehovah down? Don’t you love Jehovah?, etc…” I caved in and said yes and told Brother Richards that I changed my answer to yes. I did this because I didn’t want to let you down, not because I was really ready to do so. I was 13!! No one should be allowed to make a life changing decision at that age much less be intentionally led into one.
Once mom said to me: “I just wish you would let me get to know you. You have always kept a block up and never let me get to know you.” This is true. I have always kept a block up. That’s because I knew the minute you saw the real me you would stop speaking to me. I always kept the block up to please you, to make you proud of me. I realized a few years ago, you weren’t proud of me despite all my effort and so I gave up. I am an adult and now realize I can’t spend my entire life trying to make you happy.
I really haven’t told anyone that I was a Jehovah’s Witness for years. That was just something I said because I thought it was what Dad wanted to hear. It has just become second nature to me to always reply with what I think you guys want to hear to protect your feelings and my relationship with you that sometimes I forget to be truthful even when I am trying to be. I still have a GREAT fear of displeasing you. But I am an adult now. I have got to stop pretending to be something I’m not. I am tired of it. I just want to be me and be accepted for it. I have always known that you would never accept me for me. The only way you guys will accept me is if I am a Jehovah’s Witness.
Mom also asked me why I always wanted kids and then didn’t have any. Part of my answer was truthful, that part being I got married and decided I didn’t want tons of kids anymore. Mom asked why? Well here is the truthful answer to that question. After reflecting upon it for the first few years of marriage I came to the conclusion that ------(my husband) ---- had filled some need I had that I thought children would fill. I came to realize all I wanted was some one who would love me for me and without restrictions. Children do that. When those innocent little eyes look up at you and instinctively know that their care is in your hands, they love you. It doesn’t matter what religion you are or how good of a person you have been, they love you. My husband filled that need for me. His love was unconditional, per the Webster’s definition above. So I didn’t feel the need to have tons of kids anymore.
When you and Dad decided your parents’ religion wasn’t for you, you looked for the truth and found what you decided was the perfect religion for you. All I am asking for is the same consideration. Your parents didn’t like it when you became Jehovah’s Witnesses and the ---(Dad's side of the family)-- part definitely let you know it, but they still loved you and wanted you around whether they agreed with you or not. Let me, as an adult choose the path that is right for me. I am not saying that I plan on becoming Baptist or Catholic or anything, because I am not. I am just saying I need to find my faith in Jehovah on my own. I can’t just follow the Witnesses to make you happy anymore. That isn’t truthful service and Jehovah wouldn’t accept it anyways.
I love you guys more than anything. I will always talk to you and go out of my way for you no matter what you do. Please don’t take this as rejecting you in anyway. I never meant to hurt you guys in anyway and that is why I kept up the ruse for so long.
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undercover
I've been fading for a few years now and I consider myself as succesful at it.
The upside of it is that I can still associate with family and other JWs from the hall. I saw an old JW friend last week. It was good to see him and catch up. We didn't talk about religion or my not coming to meetings, we talked old times. I enjoyed our chat.
The downside of it is that even though one can fade, there is still some amount of shunning though not officially stamped as such. I've seen other JW friends who avoided me in public. The worst part is that my family, despite my not being officially removed from the congregation has turned somewhat of a cold shoulder to me. They don't call as much, they don't let me know what's happening with other members, they try to ignore me basically. They don't confront me about it, they try to ignore it.
Fading may keep from playing by the WTS rules and it may keep you from being shunned, but at the same time, it doesn't give you an oppurtunity to find closure. I'm looked at as the "weak" one, the black sheep, the prodigal son that hasn't returned yet. They don't know that I'm done with it. I haven't been cornered to where I have had to finally let them know on no uncertain terms that I will not be manipulated or coerced by a religion that uses fear and guilt to maintain control.
It may be a dark period right now, but you've let them know exactly where you stand. If they choose to shun you because of your making an informed decision that they don't agree with, it's their loss. It will hurt, but in time the freedom gained can outweight the pain. In time, maybe they'll see that you aren't just going off on some tangent, and will at least realize that you are your own person and accept you for that.
There are times that I wish that a confrontation would happen to me so that I could just get it out and force them to decide how they want to handle it. Then I'll really know where I stand with them and can move on from there.