YA know some "guests" are good with BBQ sauce, salsa etc.....
Rude Dinner Guests
by jgnat 24 Replies latest jw friends
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Gretchen956
Shunning is not always a bad thing, at least in theory. For instance, there are some people that I choose not to be around because they are so negative or because I have learned they are not to be trusted. Protection of yourself and your family is a good reason to not have a person in your life. That doesn't mean that you can't say hello to them, but it probably means that that would be as far as it went. Then there are those that are family (blood or otherwise) people who you love. These people can seriously get their lives screwed up and sometimes hurt you in the process. Some might ask them not to come around anymore at all, others might tell them that they are welcome as soon as they figure it all out, or some might just haul their ass to rehab and be there for them when they get out (or whatever the case might be).
There are all kinds of ways. But the shunning as practiced by JWs, I think, is not something I do. This would be the turning up of the nose. The turning the back on a person, the crossing of the street to not walk past them. This is the cold shoulder, this is the snub. This is the, "I'm going to ignore you so I can feel more righteous". I don't think we do that here.
So yes, you can choose who you have in your own home and there is nothing wrong with that, and it is not shunning. And keeping a person out of a internet group is not shunning. Now I haven't looked this up in the dictionary, but that might be interesting too.
Sherry
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jgnat
I can so relate to this, Gretchen, so wise:
For instance, there are some people that I choose not to be around because they are so negative or because I have learned they are not to be trusted. Protection of yourself and your family is a good reason to not have a person in your life. That doesn't mean that you can't say hello to them, but it probably means that that would be as far as it went.
Then there are those that are family (blood or otherwise) people who you love. These people can seriously get their lives screwed up and sometimes hurt you in the process. Some might ask them not to come around anymore at all, others might tell them that they are welcome as soon as they figure it all out, or some might just haul their ass to rehab and be there for them when they get out
I've done both. I think establishing boundaries and respecting ourselves is so important to our mental health. I notice that cults and abusers are notoriously bad for respecting boundaries. When "in" they tend to be all over in your space. My idiot brother-in-law blurts out at our last visit, "What pills are you taking?" He does not understand or respect privacy. So I gave him an equally idiotic response. When we are on the "outs", they go the other extreme, rejecting by body language, essentially saying that we do not even deserve common human decency.
How much better as you have said, to politely drop toxic friends, and in the case of family, tell them they've screwed up and what they can do about it.
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NYCkid
When you're a JW, knocking on people's doors doesn't seem rude it was our duty and command. In reality, it's soliciting and we were uninvited. The worst aspects of it was when we insisted on knocking on doors bright and early on holidays where people were busy hosting family and friends and/or making preparations or just sleeping in.
I know I tend to blab but this reminds me of my childhood. My mother is Sister Huggy and has a open door policy. JW friends and relatives and non-JW relatives always feel free to stop by any time of day or night uninvited (with some of the JWs, they always seemed to pop in around 4:30 or so, just in time for dinner). This always became a contentious issue for my parents because my Dad is intensely private and resented the intrusions.
Now, my Dad is battling cancer and I visited my parents for a week last month for the first time in a few years (I was banned previously). One weekday morning about 10:00 a.m. a car load of JWs drove up to "visit my Dad." Due to a territory line redux my parents live in the territory of a neighboring congregation and so it was people from that one. My Dad had just awaken and we were giving him his medicines and trying to get him to eat something. My mother was in her robe. They both expressed disdain at the thought of hosting guests at that time and my Dad remarked, "oh gees, it's Brother so and so who never leaves". I volunteered to ask them to come back, went to the door and politely explained to them it was not a good time and if they could come back when they were done with field service. The look on their faces was absolutely priceless and they could hardly manage a response....I was relishing the moment entirely. I don't think they knew me and I definitely didn't remember them. They did come back around noon. My Mom felt guilty about making them come back at a more convenient time and was trying to be even more gracious...BARF. Also, that Saturday my cousin and his wife stopped in during "field service" with his 3 screaming kids...I mean they screamed the whole time and stayed over 30 mins. When they came in the door I said loudly, "Mom it's not a good time since we just got Dad to sit down to eat" (we had been fighting with him all morning to eat).
The WTBTS fights fiercely for their right to solicited door to door. It's not really polite, but then again it's akin to political canvassing, telemarketing and spam, one of life's little annoyances.
Regards,
NYCkid
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daystar
Reserving the right to judge whom you allow in your life in any manner is not the same as shunning. The lefts I speak to will sometimes differ intensely with me on this, which I think is ridiculous.
What you don't do is shun people based upon ridiculous rules some external authority has set. You judge who to surround yourself based upon what you think is best for yourself.