To all active JWs or double life JWs (page 3)

stillAwitness

I still live at home.

That's the only thing that keeps me still leading "the double life."

stillAwitness

Still in it for my family. I could care less about dub "friends".

I second that! How can anyone call those people there 'friends"? let's see how much of a friend they are when you slip up one day and voice one of your doubts against the Society.

I'm in because of my family. I still live with my parents so right now I don't have a choice. Their house, their rules. I attend most meetings except when I'm "sick" or have "homework" which happens rather frequently. Actually except for the college deal, most would consider me to be pretty strong. It makes me rather sick.

Shador

Just like Collegegurl and stillAwitness, I am pretty much only a witness because I live at home. I would love to disassociate myself, going to the meetings just makes me want to retch. My problems are that:

1) I live at home and probably couldn't afford to live elsewhere (though I do have non-witness relatives that might take me in, I suppose) and my stepdad has made it clear that "out of the truth = out the door"

2) My mother. I really love her and I know it would just tear her up if I left "the truth" and "gave up everlasting life" Also, she does'nt make very much and my stepdad can't work (he's trying to get disability, but you know how gov't is with that) so they would probably not be able to keep their house w/o my income. Not that I care too much for my straitlaced JW stepdad, but I worry for mom.

3) My employer is a witness. It's a small business, run out of her basement (won't say what kind, that might ID me too good). So, if I DA myself, likely I would be out of a job.

4) Having been raised in "the truth", I don't have any non-witness friends. (Save ones I've made over the internet, which I can keep secret by virtue of being more computer savvy than my folks, but none of those are really local to where I live, so...)

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Sometimes I feel like I am going to have a mental breakdown. My folks keep pushing me towards "spiritual goals" Reach out. Pioneer (again). Become an M.S. Goto Bethel. All that kinda s***

*Sigh* I have 3 boxes of stuff hidden in the back of my closet full of "worldly stuff" Ray's book, RPG games (Ooooh D&D, so evil.... Oooh), The Lord of the Rings and other fantasy novels, Anime (violence, magic, revealing outfits, etc...) and live in constant fear of being discovered.

And most of the R&F are such nice people. It just makes me sick to hear them spouting all this brainwashed JW crap. And that the WT Society has them so twisted around that if I DA myself I would instantly go from being a nice young man to the vilest POS that ever walked the earth.

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In addition, I am so messed up that, at times, I find myself fantazing that their "prophicies" are true, but I am leading the opposition. Leading armies against them, turning them in left and right, trying to force them to renounce, etc.

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I just don't know what to do or where to turn. Sorry for the length, but it feels good to get that off my chest finally.

serendipity

Hi shador, welcome to the forum!

Saoirse

The problem begins when the family begins to suspect that you're weak or apostate. Then, every time the talk to you or you see them it will be a double dose of subtle (sometimes not so subtle) WT infomercial. They'll casually talk about the latest magazines, or the great talk they heard, or all the great new people at the hall. You either learn to bear it or you blow up one day and tell the truth.

That's EXACTLY what happened to my husband and I. We were out for 10 years and thought we were in the clear. Then the in-laws started the never-ending nagging. We eventually just blew up at them one day.

My mother shuns me but she abused me when I was young so I don't really care that much. My husband's parents don't shun us. I think they tried to for a couple of days but they don't have the heart to do it. They are actually good people.

Cognitive_Dissident

I've been fading now for about a year. The one and only reason reason that I'm not extremely vocal about my views is because I have family members who are still in, and I know that if I were to outspokenly criticize the Society, I know it would create lots of issues and difficulty for my family that is still in.

As far as leading a double life, I don't consider it that at all. I'm leading my own life now, which doesn't happen to be the one that they want me to. I don't consider withholding certain details from those people who would maliciously use them against my family and myself to be lying.

CD

Collegegurl

*Sigh* ; I have 3 boxes of stuff hidden in the back of my closet full of "worldly stuff" ; Ray's book, RPG games (Ooooh D&D, so evil.... ; Oooh), The Lord of the Rings and other fantasy novels, Anime (violence, magic, revealing outfits, etc...) ; and live in constant fear of being discovered.

I'm with you there Shador.

hang in there and welcome to the board.

DannyBloem

I'm still "ïn"

I am not so much afraid to lose family. I know they will not stop seeing me even my dad is an elder.
It will hurt them of course.

It takes some time to come out, try to fade. Do not know if I can make it, or will at some point in anger write a DA letter. But I do want to give some friend JW's firt enough information to make a good descision.

Danny

IMustBreakAway

My family keeps me in. They pretty much know that i don't believe but would be "loyal" enough to WTS if i was actually D'fd or Da'd. As long as i can fringe then they still love me and talk to me. I have a few close friends in the truth, also on the fringe and can have a decent conversation with them usually. But i don't do service. I haven't turned in time in over 6 months and before that it was all made up anyway. I go to every sunday meeting and maybe 2 "big meetings" a month. One or two bookstudies depending. My wife knows how i feel about god but right now they aren't hurting her or my family so i can play along. If however they did hurt my family i would become the biggest blister on their side imaginable. (watch out danny!! ;-) My wife knows that if we ever had a child i would allow blood if needed. But right now it isn't an issue. I've told her that i would respect her wishes if she was hurt, and i don't carry a blood card so there shouldn't be an issue if i am hurt.

To all active JWs or double life JWs

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