Right now I’m in and trying to figure out a way to stay in. Why? - to keep peace with my wife who is a 100% devoted JW wife. I attend most meetings and even gave the prayer at tonight’s book study. I am a spiritual man and think that I can “cream skim” the needed spiritual aspects for my benefit while discarding the bad. But it’s getting difficult. To show how one’s life can be trapped by the WT mindset, my wife and I are concerned over finances and my job right now and just today she says we should do more to serve so that Jehovah will bless us and fix our problems. Hence, if I reveal that I actually want to do less, then from that point on any failure in our finances and problems at work will be because I failed to meet Jehovah’s expectations and I don’t need that confrontation. Anyway, I going to try to keep this up, putting in my measly 3 hours a month as I try to balance marriage, finances, career, hypocrisy, guilt and shame. Thanks for letting me vent.
To all active JWs or double life JWs
by NowImFree 38 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Gynesz
Well, I would leave if I could. I'm still waiting for the day when I pull myself together and confront my mom with the fact that I barely believe any of the JW's teachings. I'm just too much of a coward to do so. :\ Also, since I'm still pretty young I'm "forced" to go to the meetings and such.
- Gynesz
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serendipity
Hi gynesz, welcome to the forum! Your day will come.
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AuldSoul
I think it most important for you lot who are young and trying to bide your time to understand—YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I yelled that on purpose. It is easy to forget it...don't forget it.
Pretend I was standing beside your head with a megaphone, yelling it into your ear. You are not strange or abnormal for fearing to leave or for fearing to stay or for any of the other swirled up emotions you have.
At the meetings, remind yourself that almost every person in the audience has been just as confused as you at some point in their life. Not just a few are at that stage at any given moment. For various reasons, some of them stayed. But all of them have friends and most have family who made a "different" choice, a choice in favor of normalcy.
They are terrified you are going to make that choice. They will likely react like caricatures of the overly high-pressure religious nut when you finally break away. Please remember, they have been made fools of by this corporation and you leaving makes them wonder. A lot.
Be strong. Vent regularly—it really helps. And know that even inside the organization, your desires, your feelings and thoughts are not abnormal. Inside you aren't free to talk about it, that's all. There is no freeness of speech when people are afraid of what others might think of their true feelings.
Respectfully,
AuldSoul -
Muffinman
Gynesz is my brother, BTW. We're both waiting for the right time to take the plunge.
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Gynesz
Well, I guess Muffinman will have the guts to do so before I do.
Keep it up, bro.
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google_mE
I'm sure once my parents die, I'll stop attending or commit suicide. Breaking my mom's heart would be too painful to live with.
When I was younger, still at home, I lived a double life to keep the parents happy. Wrote 10hrs when I only did 5, etc. But, now that I moved away and attend a new congregation, I've been very honest with the elders. I'll write 0hrs if that's what I did. I've told them I'll only answer questions I feel are right (which are few & far between). If a brother asks me out in service with him, I'll either tell him kindly that I don't want to be a hypocrite and preach what I don't believe or I'll go out but won't talk at the doors. The only preaching work I count is when a work-mate asks me about holidays or stuff like that. I'm usually careful to say . . "Well, the witnesses believe. . . " And amazingly, the elders in this congregation have been very understanding, I mean, I'm not DF'ed or DA'ed yet . . . . . that I know of.
To be honest, I have more of a problem with God then I do with JW's. I love humans more than I love God. I don't hate the religion, like some on this board do, it's just annoying when something completely illogical is said from the platform and then you look around and everyone (mostly older ones) are nodding their head in agreement with what was said.
I guess hope is more powerful than truth.
-mE
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Austrian
It saddens me to hear all the angst that the Borg causes. I was a double lifer for many years and I can remember how lost I felt at times and also feeling that I was as good as dead. Then my parents made a critical mistake, after home schooling me they let me attend college. My eyes were finally opened to the brainwashing that I had been brought up in my whole life. It didn't take long and I had a large enough group of "worldly" friends that I didn't even miss the social aspect of the Borg. It also helped that my Grandfather hates the dubs, so he was 100% on my side. It took about four years to get over the armageddon nightmares, but THEY DO END!!! Now my best friend, who is also a former dub, swap war stories every now and then and laugh at the stupidity of some of the active dubs but also empathize at the ones that feel that they are stuck and want to get out. All I can say for all those who feel stuck, hang in there, you are not alone as you can see from this forum.
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MidwichCuckoo
I agree with Greendawn - not to contribute financially toward the WTBTS.
Why not buy some of those 'coins' - the ones kids use in toy cash registers - and put those in the contribution box.