how have YOU changed since leaving?

idaho

It's obvious that the sense of freedom is a dominant
feeling among most persons here, but it would be
interesting to hear in what way(s) YOU feel you
have "changed" since leaving the borg. I have never
been a JW so I'm "unchanged".

Finn

individuals wife

I think for me I have regained my tolerance, being a JW makes you very prejudiced - whether it be over issues such as sexuality, religion, politics or morals. I hope that now I am back to the way I was before I was indoctrinated, I feel that everyone has a right to live the way they choose, as long as they are not hurting anyone. And who are we to judge and say that we know better? I used to hate being told who I could approve of and who I should look at with disgust - I like to make my own mind up and my own decisions, why should I be made to feel that my own judgement was lacking??

sf

I am now extremely hyper-alert to others motivations and intentions. Expectations are no longer an option. Everyone is scanned with "the radar" now. It's as if this has become automatic and electronic (wavelengths). I know this though...it feels good in this Mode.

sKally, bitter sweet symphony klass

teejay

Nowhere near as judgmental as before.

Dubs tend to categorize (stereotype) everyone on earth... fellow dubs and everyone else, too. All of these categories help define for the Witness where an associate/family member/workmate stands with respect to the org and what their standing MIGHT be with the right approach.

Inside the organization you have:

Spiritually Strong, Spiritually Weak, Newly Acquainted, Studying, Interested, Marked, Disfellowshipped, Disassociated, Worldly, and lower than pond scum, not fit to spit on and unworthy even of capitalization ... <whispering> evil-ass apostates.

This is not to mention all the titular designations: Governing Body <the ground trembles>, District Overseer, Circuit Overseer, Elder, Bethelite, Regular Pioneer, Auxiliary Pioneer, Publisher, and Approved Associate.

I'm sure I missed some (been outta touch for a while), but you get my point. Nowadays, I enjoy the immense freedom of treating people as individuals, without them having to labor under all the baggage I once laid on them or having to prove anything to me. It's a very good way to live.

peace,
tj

Kat_

As other posters have mentioned, I have also lost that judgemental attitude. I feel so much more respectful towards people who do not share my views. I am also much more open-minded, willing to listen and learn from other people. I am happy to have been thrown off my high-horse. That's the biggest change, and I thank my lucky stars every day for it. I feel like my heart has actually grown--and those silly JW's say you become evil...bah!

Kat

individual

I no longer look for the worst in people, I look for the best, no longer look for the bad, I look for the good. In the org. you look at the black spots on the white sheet of paper, no matter how small those black spots are, now I just concentrate on that white piece of paper and choose to accept people as they are.

jonjonsimons

The most obvious change that I noticed after about 5-6 years out was that I had lost that constant feeling of dread. Always wondering if someone was going to find out what I really thought. Always worrying that the big A was gonna come each and every day. Constantly praying to J to "fix me", that kinda stuff. I have also lost my ulcer which I first got at the age of 15. It took me about 10 years to finally allow myself to just be happy. Now I'm happiness overdrive!

Peace,
Jon

Francois

I lost that judgemental feeling, too. And along with it the elitist attitude that is necessary in order to be judgemental. We really are all equal in God's sight; all equally endowed with a spark of divinity. The only difference is the degree to which we allow that light to shine through, or to which we conceal it under a basket.

Francois

NOTE TO GOVERNING BODY: You've been challenged to a debate, boys. Dont you have ANY balls?

lauralisa

The differences in my day-to-day existence are so pronounced since I stopped attending meetings (wow, almost a year ago) that I can hardly believe it.

I actually have periods of time where I feel genuinely "happy" and experience a sense of well-being. I used to have to make a conscious choice each day - literally - to not commit suicide. My life was a steady diet of anxiety, hopelessness and guilt. I had to provide for myself and would not reach out for "priviledges" which would elevate my spirituality-quotient. I held out for acceptance simply because I existed and was present, and serving Jehovah in ways that were for the most part invisible to others.... I figured that this was the "sacrifice" Jehovah was looking for anyway, things that were done "in secret" and from my heart, and helpful to others in small, unadvertised ways. Being happy or at least comfortable with this lifestyle would sort of prove to me that this was the "true" religion, I figured. I ended up more miserable than I could have ever imagined.

I could not tolerate the continuous inquiries as to what was holding me back from pioneering? I never had to guts to actually explain that while I truly enjoyed the preaching work, being stuck in a car totally wasting time - hours of it! with gossipy meddling intrusive boring people was my idea of hell. And public displays and assembly parts and all of that other seemingly fabricated crap ("Well, brother butt-munch, I started pioneering before I was born, and now I have eighteen bible studies, and if I wasn't reading from this pre-dictated little script, I wouldn't be able to express myself, because I have no mind at all!!!!") I simply wasn't going to go that route. I guess the assumption was that I simply didn't love Jehovah enough?

And lonliness...aching lonliness. I never was able to find someone with whom to relate at the hall, a good friend to share feelings and thoughts with... even after ten years. (I am not an inaccessible freak, either.) There is a shallowness that exists in the relationships within the congregation, at least this was my experience, because no matter what "issue" or idea or problem or anxiety, there was some watchtower platitude that made all of that stuff almost irrelevant. (Wait on Jehovah!) I had no family who were jw's (other than my two young sons, who lived with their father in another location, and who received NO support from their local congregation. None.) I kept my "associations" limited to fellow witnesses only, since I had been taught to believe that "worldly" friends were going to ruin my relationship with God. The problem was that I could not abide the company of most of the people at the hall for more than a few minutes at a time. So, I had very little meaningful interaction with other human beings. I was a single sister, and the prospects for finding a mate (forties, single, not a complete dork, etc.) were seemingly zip.

I was seriously invested in being a loyal jw, and believed that it was my ride to a meaningful life and a future of paradise. But as more years went by, the more evidence there was that it was just another controlling cult. But going back into the world (the "world"!!!!!!!) was tantamount to something like well ok I'm just gonna go out and be a big PORN star now!!!! {Individual's current thread about "where to go" articulates the lost feelings so well...}

Anyway. I've made some deep and profound friendships, am not continuously plagued by nagging guilt about what "more" or "less" of whatever I should be doing (Stop looking out at that beautiful sunset ! You should be informal witnessing to these clueless tourists! This might be their only chance of hearing the truth! They'll all DIE if you don't speak up.....!!!!) I am not depressed anymore after ten years of antidepressants, not suicidal in the least, and actually find goodness in just about every person I meet. And I'm good enough, and gosh-darn it, people like me! (stuart smiley quote there).

There is still much to do in terms of resolving issues of spirituality and "truth", but I feel hope, not dread.... and enjoy discussions about these things with people who have huge hearts and contribute much in terms of loving their neighbors as themselves. It's great freedom to not have to default to the wt and kirap! rhetoric at all times.

Sorry to go on and on. I hope this thing is a contribution in some way. It feels great to actually spell it out..... Thanks

It's only water from a stranger's tear (Peter Gabriel)

Karie

Because of the beliefs of JW. I stayed with a wifebeating a**. It is against their religion to divorce unless you have the grounds of adultery. Which I would have welcomed so I could justify leaving. I finally went to the elders and told them in detail what happened, what I had never had the guts to tell them because I knew it would make my husband even more angry. Who is baptised by the way. They came to my home and in front of us said to me to try not to upset him anymore. And, that we just have a communication problem. My bruises did not look like just a communication problem to me. Against my families wishes(my own jw mom prefered that I stayed because Jehovah hates divorce), my husband, and all of my "friends": I left him. Now I know that JW are a cult, that when someone beats you to call the police and get out, I know that I should have left before he hurt my son, I have learned that there are "wordly" men that can treat you wonderful. It is such a relief not to be there anymore. It is truly freedom to be out.

how have YOU changed since leaving?

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