Help - elder just called! (page 2)

RedhorseWoman

I agree with the others. Don't give too much information. Perhaps just telling them that you are going through some confusing times and you just need a little break to get everything resolved.

Be as vague as possible.

As the others have said, be as vague as possible. If you still believe in God, assure them you haven't lost your faith in God and his promises etc. If they ask you about this being Jehovah's organisation, again, be vague or act surprised, so as to say, "Why wouldn't it be??"

It is nice that an elder that doesn't even know you wants to encourage you - there are some well-meaning ones around, the problem is that they often don't stay that way for long.

Please email me or Ozzie if you need to contact us personally.

Hang in there!

anglise

Tell them you are taking a sabbatical.
Most are ignorant enough to think that its scriptural and dont question you any further

Prisca

A Sabbatical?

Such things aren't done in JWdom, so telling a lie like that would only cause more questions from the elder!

Vagueness and telling them that you need some time to yourself is the better option.

Francois

Agree with the others. This is too smooth. Be vague. He's trying to lull you into a false sense of security, coming by with his wife and all, nice and polite, "ain't nuthin' up my sleeve, keep your eye on the pea, no rabbits in this hat" and next thing you know you're staring down the barrel of a 12 gauge judicial committee meeting.

Avoid this meeting if possible. Your hair hurts. You've got a bone in your foot. Your dog died. Something. Anything.

I like the suggestion that you claim you're depressed. Depressed people don't talk much. Practice a hang-dog expression.

Whatever. Just be careful.

Francois

bluesapphire

I smell a rat! First of all, why would an elder you've never met **ass-ume** he is welcome to visit you with his wife? Don't they realize this is RUDE? (apparently not)

Secondly, I think it's possible this is "theocratic strategy." Maybe this elder moved newly into your hall and is trying to impress the circuit overseer by getting rid of the apostates! In which case, you would be the sacrificial lamb. Think about it, if he's trying to be a vigilante here, he's not going to include the other elders. Secondly, he will need a second witness to whatever you say. Who better than his very own wife?

If I were you, I would call this elder up and tell him you thought about his call to you earlier in the week. I would straight out say that you think it is rude for him to invite himself over to your house when you have never even met. I would say that you have not been to the meetings in a year or so because you think they are boring and you have decided to take a break from them. He might ask you if you think it is the truth. You can say, "I haven't thought about it much at all. Whether it's the truth or not, I know where the Kingdumb Hell is and if I want to go there, I will."

He will likely say that he just wanted to encourage you with the scriptures in which case you can just say, "Thanks but no thanks. I know plenty of elders to call if and when I want encouragement."

Yes, this might be rude but hey! These are the people who wake everyone up on the weekends just to earn brownie points in heaven. Get real! Tell them it has nothing at all to do with whether or not you believe in the teachings. You don't even think about the teachings. You are just happy with the way things are in your life."

BTW, I actually tried this approach with an idiot elder and his idiot wife who kept harrassing me. I basically told him - after he insulted me by praying *for* me in my own home and saying in his prayer for Jehovah to return his spirit to me. This ticked me off so I straight out told him, "You are not an encouragement. You are an embarrassment. If I don't go to the meetings, it's because of presumptuous idiots like you. Whether or not it's the truth, I just don't want to be around people like you anymore and I certainly don't want to live forever with the likes of you. If I ever want encouragement, I know plenty of elders who would not be so rude as you.... and if I ever want to go back to the meetings, my car works just fine and so does my memory." Basically, I told them off!

Nothing happened to me. Well, actually a CO and a few other elders came by a couple of times but we ignored them. It was actually kind of sad because the PO is a very sweet man. But hey, I wasn't in the mood and I'm allowed to not be in the mood for JW's in my own home! Since we moved, we haven't received a single visit.

Hope I gave you some ideas that might not incriminate you and might make you feel good at the same time. I know it felt sooooo good to say those things. Especially for someone who always took it up the ass by these pricks! It felt realllllly good!

r51785

It has always fascinated me how all of us have been programmed to think that we must talk to elders, confess to elders, answer any question the elders ask. They really do count on us to incriminate ourselves. From my experience they became very frustrated when you don't play along. My advice is to avoid them and if confronted by them stonewall. Lie if you have too. They do not deserve the truth. They have no authority over you except that which you allow them to have (I believe Mr. Farkel said that)

anewperson

Here's a way to dodge point-blank questions like "Do you believe we're in the last days?" or "Do you believe this is the only group for those who love Jehovah?"

Say "I think it's best just to listen to whatever you may have to say. Don't interpret silence on my part as meaning anything one way or the other. The Bible says to listen." And look thoughtful as they read Hebrews 10:24 about not neglecting meetings although that verse actually doesn't give any frequency that must be observed as a rule.

They'll like all that. Offer the couple a glass of water or sandwich. Be non-commital but not outright rude. If they invite you to come back to the kingdom hall meetings tell them "well, I know where they're at." or something, again, non-commital but not outright rude.

After probably 15 minutes they'll be done. Make a point to say nothing to anyone at all afterwards, including not praying outloud in your own bedroom.

Later when you're out of your own might be your best time to disassociate or whatever. If this situation makes you feel upset, just try to stay cool for then. You can always mail/email stuff to the congregation(s) later :) :) :), so no you're NOT without power, not powerless, and their efforts to pressure you will instead MOTIVATE YOU.

See? :)

Eyebrow

Blue,

actually, it is not unreasonable for the new elder to think he and his wife cannot ask for a visit to encourage him. At least not in any congregation I have been associated with. It actually is caring...and I agree with Arg that if the wife is coming it is only for encouragement and getting to know him.

Why make a big issue? If you really do not want to meet with the elder, just say, no you do not have time, but that you appreciate his concern and wish him well. Say you have some personal issues that you do not feel comfortable talking about and that you will make sure you introduce yourself the next time you are at the hall.

Save yourself some stress...there is no need to get confrontational if you are not ready to DA yourself.

mustang

Smell a rat? You betcha!!! (said it and meant it) Sometimes elders & others are sent where things are lax & slack. (Got a friend that had half of Brooklyn move in on his wooded lot.)

So it looks like the start of a campaign; you probably aren’t the only one. Do all the depression, question w/ question, vague stuff. DEE-definitely.

Don’t let him lead the conversation, unless you’re doing the silent depression typoid.

Also, be real busy with the ‘cares of the world’. Talk about all your problems, like ‘get out & help me’. You could top it off with asking for a loan. I don’t think this one gets enough mileage.

On the other hand, Eyebrow has a good and diplomatic approach.

Mustang

Help - elder just called!

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