by LittleToe 25 Replies latest jw friends
I think that being honest at all times or lying or not answering is based on the possible consequences.
If telling the truth would bring me certain death "that I did not deserve" I would lie. Then live to correct or pay the bill for lying.
Truth or silence with the proper eye contact usually does the job.
The problem with lying is that it can become a habit. But there are lots of small insignificant situations that feed the habit.
Outoftheorg
LT, everything you said is the way it should be. When asked questions that are none of the questioner's business then not answering is the way to go.
very timely thread for me LT.
I've been receiving harrassing phone calls and emails the past few days as a direct result of my fading. These are demanding questions from my inquistors and I called a friend to ask some advice on the way to go with this. the advice was "you can't play tennis with someone if you don't hit the ball back into their court." So, I too have chosen to do the "silence is golden" route. I will remain silent and not give these inquisitors the ammunition they are looking for.
It is a hard lesson for me, but very therapuetic to not give these people the weapons they will only use back at me.
thanks for your thread.
freedomlover
I appreciate how you're sympathetic to those who try to keep "in good standing" only for family. But you're right about the gradual negative toll that lying can take on a person's character. Your post is very helpful to me making me stop and reflect, and consider another option: one that will strengthen the atrophied trait of genuineness. Thank You very much Ross for your thoughts.
The art of effective communication is knowing when to be quiet, when to respond and when to really listen. Often no response is required other than I hear you.
I find that my silences are often me listening not only to the speaker but also to my inner self.
When I was df'd I wouldn't have lied to anybody. I took that very seriously.
But looking back (and around, to the diversity of posters and experiences on this board) I can also see the value of other attitudes. And I bow to the great comedians.
Moralising, generalising, and seriousness in general have their own pitfalls.
I wonder how many of us are affected as ex-jws in "worldly" affairs and corporate life, sticking to our principles of honesty. I do, I stand by honesty and I haven't done too bad. Media constantly throws images at us that crime pays. Of course, we're not all Christ. To what extent can we hold true to what we really belive in?
The more I care about you, the less likely I am to lie to you. In the case of the elders (in their role as Watchtower Inquisitors) I will happily lie all the day long. Screw 'em. It doesn't harm me in that I am speaking to a tree or a rock or a piece of paper. They have no consequence to me, outside of any consequences their knowing the truth may bring to me or mine.
Lying to any one of you is unlikely, though I wouldn't rule it out.
Lying to specific ones of you is out of the question. DanTheMan comes to mind. You as well, LT.
Dave of the "spinning moral compass" class
"oh the tangled web we weave"............ I'ts true, outright lying can just come back to make things worse for you.
Nothing wrong with evasion though!
"To thine own self be true!"
I remained in the JWs for about another four months, after I had decided I would have to leave (I joined this board at that time). During that time I toyed with ideas about how I might help my family get out; whether I ought to stay in and become a CO (I was being groomed for it, at the time) and effect reform from within; and a whole host of other ideas.
It ground down my soul, and it became a continual dance to speak in such a way as to not contradict my new conscienciously-held views, while also not speaking outright JW-heresy. By the end of the four months I was climbing the walls, and the illusion that it could be reformed was entirely stripped away. I bit my tongue a lot!
This is one of the reasons I have so much respect for faders. It takes a lot of fortitude to bear it out. I'm afraid I simply couldn't do it. Perhaps I'm just too Sagittarian, and having made my mind up had to act
