It's not what they believe that we despise, it's how they behave!

by Check_Your_Premises 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  Check_Your_Premises

  Well my wife totally got on my nerves last night.

  I was trying to work out some compromises on the holidays with her. I spent a ton of time thinking about it, studying about it, and writing things down. Now here is the thing. The WHOLE point of me doing that is to make sure her views are respected. She couldnt' even be bothered to look at it. All she kept saying was, "well I don't agree with any of it, so you just do whatever you want."

  That is not, in my mind, how married people are supposed to act. Married people are supposed to work things out so everyone is respected. But she is not married to me, but rather an abusive spouse... the wt.

  So I got annoyed, and it ended up in her mind being about her religion. Then I thought about it some more. Every time a dub acts like an a-hole, I naturally respond, because we all respond to people acting like a-holes. But somehow it always gets sucked into being about their religion. Then they get to act all oppressed and put upon and superior for having to deal with us worldly people.

  Maybe this is to obvious to point out, but whenever a dub acts like a jerk ONLY talk about their behavior.

  I mean seriously! Do you really care that your loved one thinks that Jesus is the archangel Michael? Of course not! You can't stand the way the talk to you, and try to control you. It's about how they behave!

  Example1: dub- You aren't supposed to say "Jheez"

  right way: Why are you sticking your finger in my face telling me what is right and wrong. Do you want me to do that to you?

  Wrong way: That is totally stupid. jheez isn't short for Jesus. Not once in my life have I ever referred to Jesus as jheez. So is it "wrong" to say golly? How about gee-whiz? How about "shucks"?

  Example 2: dub - I have to go to the meeting, I don't have time to talk about why our son is suicidal.

  right way: I can't beleive that you are going to leave this house when we have something so important to talk about..

  wrong way: I can't believe your religion thinks it is more important to go to a meeting than take care of your children!

  Feel free to add some more examples of times you got into it with a dub, and it ended up being about their religion. Then think of how it could have been turned on their behavior.

  This will either be fun and therapuetic, or totally lame.

  CYP
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  AK - Jeff

  Clearly the way we behave is impacted by what we believe. All of us.

  Dubs are instinctively defensive, due to a built in fear of persecution. They have no individual thinking. They define 'group think'. Which translates to 'group actiion'.

  Sorry about your wife's unreasonalble attitudes. I had them not long ago.

  Peace and well wishes to you brother.

  Jeff
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  jgnat

  Ingenious, C_Y_P. I think you are right on the money.

  I notice when my hubby has a "spiritual" jag, where once more he's going to try and make the JW standard, he becomes perfectionistic. This spills out on the rest of his life (me). I've challenged him on more than one occassion, that I don't appreciate being picked on for every little thing. He usually backs off.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Jeff

  I would also add that they are arrogant and unteachable. Their protective certainty makes them incredibly obnoxious. Again, who cares whether or not they are right about something.... people who are sure they are right about something don't have to act like jerks. The obnoxious behaviour is defense against naggin internal doubts.

  It's ok that you were like that. I heard a comedian once say that at any point in his life he would look back on himself five years before and think, "I was such an a-hole!!!". Then one day it dawned on him... "hey that means I am an a-hole right now!!!"

  CYP
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  M.J.

  Thanks for that bit of insight. I needed that and will probably put it to good use...very soon!

  The way you approach it is very legitimate. You ARE annoyed with the behavior, so address your problem as such...ultimately we get sucked into getting into our perceived cause of the behavior which isn't gonna be settled in an argument!
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  carla

  True, they are married to the wt. They even have a new family complete with new brothers, sisters, and even a new Mother! Anything to do with their 'fleshly' family will always take a back seat. Of course it comes down to their religion! If they weren't in the cult they wouldn't be behaving the way they do, so every discussion or problem does end up being about jw's. Considering they can't wipe their ass without the wt telling them how, what do you expect? The are not interested in any compromise, your way is ungodly because it is not the jw way. Plain and simple.There is basically no discussion (maybe weather) that can't be turned around to jw crap. Oh, forget the weather, that too can be turned into jw dogma.

  This just pisses me off, I'm off to go deliver some more anti witness stuff!
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  Super_Becka

  I mean seriously! Do you really care that your loved one thinks that Jesus is the archangel Michael? Of course not! You can't stand the way the talk to you, and try to control you. It's about how they behave!

  I couldn't agree more!! It really doesn't matter to me what things my JW boyfriend believes - if he wants to believe that Jesus is the archangel Michael, then he's free to do so. If he wants to think that blood transfusions are bad, then he can. It's just the way that he handles my beliefs that's the problem. I haven't said anything against his belief system to him, but he insists on attacking mine, given the opportunity. Really, is it necessary to say rude things to me about Christmas when he knows I really enjoy it?? I don't think so.

  Religion might be the reason behind his behaviour, but it's no excuse for it. If I can be mature and tolerant about things that I don't believe in or agree with, then so can he. I'll definitely keep your advice in mind the next time he grumbles or says something rude because he's a JW - keep the discussion secular, not religion-based.

  -Becka :)
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  M.J.

  Ok then. I nominate CYP to go tell them cartoon rioters that it's all about their behavior not their belief..
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  Check_Your_Premises

  One shot - One kill?
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  Check_Your_Premises

  But back on topic. My new mental training that I plan to emply is whenever a dub gets on my every last nerve, before I open my mouth, I need to ask myself "ok, what did they just DO to make me mad?" instead of "these jw's are so annoying, why do they believe this garbage."