So me and the guy I've been dating finally became offical since last night and its the first time in almost a year since I have been in a relationship. And for once, I think I may have a winner. But he is white...and 32...and plays the african drums..and teaches some weird dance in a school for kids having to do with cuban tribal dances..or something or other. lol..anyways not that any of those things are bad because I think its great how cultured he is; its just that he is sooo different than what I am used to. I mean ya got me StilA, who practically lives in stores like neiman marcus and macy's, doesn't do dishes and is still trying to find her place outside the JW world whose fallen head over heels for this earthy, bohemian, long-bearded (think Jesus) sandal-wearing, "I don't believe in processed foods" Liberalist who doesn't even own a cellphone. But I'm happy and that's all that should matter. Anyone else ever been in an interracial relationship or just with someone who was completely different from you or probably the rest of the world? Did it work out? Do opposites really attract in your opionion? I am terrified that our differences will eventually drive us apart.
DATING 101: Dating Interacially and my opposite: Will it Work Out?
by stillAwitness 45 Replies latest watchtower medical
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RichieRich
I once dated a really pretty girl who was snoody and uptight.She couldn't stand that I hunt and fish and own guns. I couldn't stand that she cared more about other people's opinions than her own.
But, we compromised.
Didn't work out though.
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jt stumbler
My wife of 21 yrs and myself are complete opposites. Although we are both the same race. In our experience opposites definitely attracted.
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juni
Give it time and then you'll know. Just be yourself and be honest with your belief system and your goals. Don't compromise those.
Juni
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lola28
OK I hope it works out, but if it does not, can you send him my way ?
lola
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happyout
I'm black, and I once dated a great Italian guy. I was just starting my fade, so we had a lot of differences, one of the main ones that I wouldn't have sex. He took that ok, although he wanted to talk about it a lot. He was surprised to find out that black people could tan, it was funny, I came back from a cruise and he kept staring at me. I finally asked him what was wrong, and he was like, um, uh, can I just ask, um did you get darker? LOL, it was so funny to me, he was afraid to ask!
We also had totally different social styles, when I went to a party it was dancing, cards, and dominoes. When he went it was people standing around, maybe some dancing but not always, and drugs. He and his friends did a lot of drugs (like coke), but he held a good job and wasn't a low life. I never did drugs, and once he found that out, he made sure it was kept away from me. He was a really sweet guy.
He did mention that he would never be able to introduce me to his grandmother, because she would not accept a black person. His sisters and I got along great.
It didn't work out because of our differences, but there were no hard feelings on either side, and we remained friends for a long time.
Happyout (wishing I hadn't been too afraid to have sex with him, 'cause he was a hottie!)
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Check_Your_Premises
Stilla,
Ok, mostly answering cuz you are with a cracka, and I like my women like my coffee.... hot and dark!
With that said, I can say that the cultural differences in general aren't so bad. It depends on how much you are a product of your culture. I find that many black jw's aren't THAT black. But no matter how cosmopolitan we are, we still are influenced in significant, if subtle ways by our culture.
Unfortunately I haven't dated a sister, so I don't have any good ideas for you on traversing the jungle fever thing.
Most of the heat comes from other people. You probably won't get much hassle from his family, if he is as big of a hippy-dippy as you describe. Some white people will likely not like it. But probably at least not to your face. Most polite white folks are scared to death of seeming racist. (of course I have never had to deal with white folks as a black guy, so I could be way off base here) He will probably get more heat from the brothers. I could see a few of them wanting to bust his balls and cock-block a bit when they see you two strolling down the street.
The a-number one thing that determines a successful relationship in my mind is having the same values; having the same ideas about right and wrong. The areas where this is critical and most problematic are in money and parenting. Compare his financial habits to yours. Compare his upbringing to yours. These should be at least compatible. These things sound mundane, but become incredibly important and divisive in the midst of a marriage and family.
The interacial stuff doesn't seem to get in the way to much I have found, if you both have a good sense of humor about it. My wife can do a complete theatrical reading of Coal Miner's Daughter, and bought me SlingBlade on dvd. I refer myself to the foreman of the drywall or landscaping crew. Sometimes I refer to our home as the Alamo. We all have a good laugh about it.
CYP
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stillAwitness
LOL @ Lola! So ya like the bohemian types? I'll let him know he's well admired
Your thoughts (HappyOut and CYP) are well appreciated. Of course, I can see from both your expiriences that there can be clear distinctions between black and white period. But CYP does bring a good point out about how most blacks who are JW's aren't really all that black. I'm pretty culural but I'm not "the white man is trying to bring us down and the relvolution will be televised" type of sista.
Yeah, his family is wayyy hippie and he says the only person who would have a problem with me being black is his grandma but he said "don't worry, everyone will probably just tell her to shut the f**** up anyway."
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lola28
LOL @ Lola! So ya like the bohemian types? ;I'll let him know he's well admired ;
Yes Stilla, I do, so just pm me if it does not work out okay?
is his grandma but he said "don't worry, everyone will probably just tell her to shut the f**** up anyway."
;
I don't know why but this made me laugh.
lola
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Gretchen956
Stilla, doesn't matter a bit if he's white and your black, if you two are happy thats all that matters. No one else's business. I just don't think this is as big a problem as it used to be. There's a new movie out about a sister that hooked up with a guy sounds almost like the same situation, maybe someone will remember the title. The main thing I can say is, be open, be willing, and TALK, LISTEN, and then repeat into infinite. Thats true for every couple of every pursuasion.
Blessings and congratulations!
Sherry