Fastest Watchtower Study in History!

unclebruce

When I started dating Susan I became very conscious of my 'standing in the congregation™. Susan and her parents attended™ Elizabeth congregation 20kms away. They knew that I'd missed the Sunday Morning meeting™, so I invited™ them to meet me for the afternoon session at my Kingdom Hall™.

Prospect shared the Hall with Enfield Congregation™. Enfield was choc-a-block full of ~~very old people~~ people in their 'golden years™' - at least two dozen of them were 'partakers in the lords supper™' (many confirmed Russellites lurked in their ranks too

Well this was by far the funniest meeting I have ever attended™. Susan and Joyce (my bride and mother-in-law to be arrived a little early but felt a bit shunned by the aloof older folk who didn't like strangers (many of them were migrants from the Ukraine, Hungary and the like).

The Presiding Overseer™ was a man named Jack Heading (had a grandson named Richard I kid you not!).

Jack was a young bloke not a day over 70 and really whipped this mob into shape. First up an announcement™:

“ It appears our visiting guest speaker™ hasn't arrived so we'll have the watchtower study™ first and go from there.”

Well did he go for it Q & A like nothing on earth. And such deep lucid replies, fair dinkum it went just like this:

Jack: And why don't we behave like that?

Sister blue hair: because ..if we don't we'll die at Armageddon!™

Jack: Correct! ..next paragraph™ Why is loyalty ™to Jehovah™ important?

Brother ancient of daze: be..cause if ...we don't ..wey'll doy... at Armageddon!

Jack: Correct!

Another 22 minutes of this and we were done (I once gave what I thought was a deeper™ answer only to receive a light scowl and have my hand ignored thereafter)

Singing: “Here I am Send Me™” (fastest song in the book?)

Prayer: “We thankyou Jehovah™ for all your loving provisions™ that we may not die at Armageddon™, through our mediator™ Jesus Christ Amen”.

Apart from being appalled that these peoples motivation was the avoidance of death, I was a little taken aback to see Old Jackboot Heading running to his car and taking off like Jehu (must have had some theocratic warfare™ to conduct.

Three unwelcome strangers stood outside the kingdom hall wondering what to do next after the shortest meeting on record - All up less than 30 minutes (hardly worth the ironing).

unclebruce

===

So did you ever attend™ a funny/strange meeting™?

MerryMagdalene

That was a fun read, Uncle

~Merry

Thirdson

G'day Uncle Bruce,

I thought most of the meetings in Elizabeth were a bit strange. Salisbury was stranger especially as they met in a Masonic Hall with a picture of the Queen on the wall. The PO was ex-Navy and still used some of the colorful language -- which upset my mother.

A come-visit-Australia TV commercial has recently been censored in the UK because of the term "bloody." I seem to remember frequent use of the "B" word during meetings in the congregation we attended.

3rd (Ex Elizabeth Vale)

unclebruce

G'day Thirdson,

It's about time we caught up. That TV girl sounds like she's never sworn before the word doesn't flow naturally from her sweet lips.. besides nobody here says bloody anymore lol.

Susan's dad (Alan- still an elder) died of a rampant liver cancer last November. I flew over and spent a week at his bedside. It was a complete circus with dubs telling him to read his mags etc.. He took itr very well while all around was bedlam. Susan was everything a good daughter should be and gave him a good passing .. found a very good nursing home for the last two weeks etc.

About a month before he took ill, the hot blooded Yorkshireman, gathered the Elders to a meeting and gave them a huge blast about not being true Christians etc... wish I'd seen that. Not many visited him in hospital and a several that did had to be rescued from the usually meek mild Susan lol. They played power games to the end, at one point after he'd just come out of a coma, the PO subtly admonished him for reading a novel instead of his watchtower.

Of course Alan being a gentle piscean acquiesced – if I was there I would have frog marched the jerk out into the street. What kind of people are these that take away a dying man's last few pleasures?

Sorry for the downer,

best regards to you and yours, Lee

Gill

((((( unclebruce ))))) Sorry about your father in law.

However, the JWs in Australia sound just as crazy as the ones in the UK.

I well remember my cousin's wife throwing a complete crazy fit over the fact that her mother in law's cancer wasn't killing the poor woman fast enough so that she could 'get out there and serve Jehovah, like she wanted to, instead of helping to nurse a poor dying woman'. I could still smack the s&%t out of her when I see her!

Beck_Melbourne

I think I was at that meeting.....and my hair wasn't 'blue'....it was a jackaranda rinse with highlights!!!

Hello UB....funny story, can't say I've ever known a meeting to be that short - although I do remember the days when everyone would take a five minute break for a quick smoke at half time....that was fun. They did away with the half time break because too many kids were wandering off and buying lollies...they also did away with the smoking...wasn't worth going after that.

~Beck~

unclebruce

((((( unclebruce ))))) Sorry about your father in law.
However, the JWs in Australia sound just as crazy as the ones in the UK.
I well remember my cousin's wife throwing a complete crazy fit over the fact that her mother in law's cancer wasn't killing the poor woman fast enough so that she could 'get out there and serve Jehovah, like she wanted to, instead of helping to nurse a poor dying woman'. I could still smack the s&%t out of her when I see her!

Yes Gill, I don't know why I was so shocked by the JW behaviour but I was. A quiet dignified death isn't much to ask for. Some funny stuff happened too. This may sound strange but on the flight over I had a very strong premonition of Alan on the verge of death and me shaking his hand and almost passing life back into him. I kept fighting and blocking it but the mini-vision or whatever refused to fade for a while.

Anyway that was pretty much what happened. I walked in and, having just emerged from a coma, he looked like death itself .. I reached out, took his hand and he opened his eyes wide.. and smiled .. I stroked my beard and said that I've turned into a wombat ..he laughed and said “a hairy nosed wombat” (a rare SA species) .. then he looked deadly serious and said out loud “YOU'RE IN TROUBLE!” and fell back into a coma lol. .. holy shit – will that be the last thing he said to me?

I guess the jw implications of my having a beard sunk in .. anyway I was given such a hard time over it, the face fur was drawing attention away from Alan so I shaved it off. Alan came to again later and my brother in law and others had the hide to complain that he was dying too slow. “We've come all the way from the Barossa Valley” he kept moaning (all of an hours drive away).

Anyway Alan came good and for a week or so I held his hand and we shared as many laughs as we could. Funny thing about morphine – the man became worry free. All the same he died with a lonely look .. the JW religion offers no sure hope.

		Mar 11, 2006

ballistic

Hi UB, we had a book study that went like that.

Took about 25 minutes instead of an hour. And everyone got booted out every week. There was always one family who stayed behind and later on I found out that these two elders families would get the wine out when everyone was gone.

I have nothing against getting the wine out, but I really think they should of shared it with all of us instead of rushing through the study like that!

unclebruce

I think I was at that meeting.....and my hair wasn't 'blue'....it was a jackaranda rinse with highlights!!!
Hello UB....funny story, can't say I've ever known a meeting to be that short - although I do remember the days when everyone would take a five minute break for a quick smoke at half time....that was fun. They did away with the half time break because too many kids were wandering off and buying lollies...they also did away with the smoking...wasn't worth going after that.
~Beck~

Ah Jacaranda rinse with highlights - more evidence for keeping 'secret women's business' secret

Wow that brings back memories - kingdom hall smoko™ lol .. dad was a drum addict and used to go out for a puff .. those were the days. It must have been pre 1968/69. When smoking was banned by the wbts I couldn't help thinking that it was to break up the little smoking clubs that met outside during meetings. I remember too as a very little kid (about 7) being told off for wrestling with another boy on the lawn after the meeting. How different to Christendom's evil churches where children can be children.

cheers, unc

greendawn

It's a great satire because it exposes the fact that the religious life of the JWs revolves around fear more specifically the fear of Armageddon whereas a genuine Christian religion is not concerned with obsessive phobias but with how to make its followers members of the body of Christ.

Thirdson "Salisbury was stranger especially as they met in a Masonic Hall with a picture of the Queen on the wall."

That's interesting I knew the dubs used masonic halls in their early history but not in recent times. When exactly was this happening, using the building of a babylonian organisation LOL.

Fastest Watchtower Study in History!

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