"Baby, I think its time we move in 2gethor" HELP!!!!!

by stillAwitness 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • stillAwitness
    stillAwitness

    My boyfriend and I are gettin pretty serious. Before we met he was never in a committed relationship and believed marriage was just a piece of paper that helped during tax season. Then he meets me and suddenly I catch him online looking at rings. I am crazy about him. I would love to start a life with him but I am terrified of being D'F and wether or not I am strong enough to finally take that plunge. My ideal plan was to finish school first (but thats not for another 2 years!) and find my own place. He says he can't stay in a relationship with me if it is not going anywhere. It is very hard on him (not being able to meet the parents, me never being able to sleep over and what not) and I don't want him to slip away because of my own fear of failure. I have so much to think about! Thoughts?

  • Kristofer
    Kristofer

    I don't think you should live your life by anyone else's clock. YOu do thing when you're damn well ready! If he isn't willing to wait for you, then he isn't worth it... On the other hand, you can't leave him hanging forever. How long have you been seeing each other?

  • theinfamousone
    theinfamousone


    whats more important to you??? love or a stupid religion that means absolutely nothing but torture to you???? i would rathe rlose a family that is willing to shun me because i dont share their beliefs and have a wonderful lover/girlfriend(boyfriend in your case), than lose both because of a stupid religion!!!! ur decision should be pretty clear, ur gonna lose your family either way from what i hear, so... might as well keep him..

    the infamous one

  • jwfacts
    jwfacts

    Marry him. If he wants you to move in he must be able to support you as he knows you are a student. Then you can't be disfellowshipped.

  • stillAwitness
    stillAwitness

    Kristofer and infamous: both such different views but still both make valid points. ARGH!!! I think I wanna pull out my hair. Actually to ansewr your question Kris, we've only been togethor hardly a month yet. LOL! I know, crazy aint it. But we fell for each other fast. Of course I wanna wait longer. I have a bit of an idea that the reason why he wants me to move in so fast is perhaps he is going through a pre-mid life crisis (he is 32) and has been with a lot of women before me and perhaps he now realizes that the bachelor life has run its course? who knows. I just know I would hate to lose him over this. Infamous does make a point also

  • Kristofer
    Kristofer

    wow..a month..that is VERY fast. Things are VERY new. if he is worth it, then he will see that you are worth waiting for. Imagine if you go through with this and then things don't work out. You'll turn your life upside down with no support and no one to turn to. I'm not saying stay in the org. I think your safest bet is to make a network of friends outside the organization first and start seeing each other openly but living separately where you are not tied to him financially or in another situation you may not be able to escape. Find a middle ground, it is usually your best option.

  • Virgochik
    Virgochik

    Wow, how well do you really know this guy? He is ten years older than you and wants to move in together in less than a month? What if unpleasant aspects of his personality showed up after you are cut off from your family and you have nowhere to go? Please be careful!

  • Snoozy
    Snoozy

    Sounds like the old line guys used to use to get it!..

    How do we know we are right for each other unless we do it!..

    Or how do we know it will fit unless we do it!..

    Or if you loved me you would do it!..

    Or if you won't do it..you don't love me enough and I will have to find someone else !....

    Young thing..if it's meant to be..he will wait. You need to do your goals first..

    Just think of the What ifs..

    What if he loses his job and I have to quit school to support us?

    What if I get pregnant?..It happens when you least expect it! No birthcontrol is 100 %

    What if we live together and he decides it isn't working out and you have given up everything for him?

    You are young..and as one person already said..don't go by his time clock..he is just starting to enter into maturity..

    He has a lot of good years left in him..

    If someone really loves you..they want what's best for YOU!..

    And you want to be your best for HIM..

    Jumping into a relationship now is trust me..based on lust..it will pass and settle into something that is wonderful..if it's meant to be..

    But simply basing it on the attraction you feel now will not last..your relationship needs to deepen if it is to last..

    And learning all about the other person is such a fun thing..

    Give it time..don't let him rush you ..even tho he may be sooooo hard to resist.

    Snoozy..married 45 years if that means anything..

  • stillAwitness
    stillAwitness

    We just talked and I think his biggest concern was finances. He's been in some trouble lately and he did not want to have to get a roomate.(Naturally, having a roomie makes it tough for us to be alone togethor) But we talked about it and came to a solution. I think things will be alright. I know to be careful Virgo. I would not be even considering such a decision without really thinking about it. But for now we are gonna wait

  • Victorian sky
    Victorian sky

    Please don't move in with him! Get to really know him first as you finish school, if it's true love, he'll still be there, don't let anyone rush you into anything. - All the best!

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