I'm with ballistic - emotional blackmail alert!
gee snoozy knew some classy guys
"Baby, I think its time we move in 2gethor" HELP!!!!!
by stillAwitness 31 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Billygoat
(((((((stilla))))))))
You're a big girl and will make a good decision. You're smart and capable and I trust you. Even if you make a decision that turns out not so good, it's something to be learned from for the next experience. Either way, we love you and will support you at any point.
Here are two experiences I've had:
Boyfriend #1 - I was early 20's. Working full-time waiting tables, going to school part-time. Boyfriend and I fall fast in love and move in together after dating a month. Financially, it was a smart move for both of us. I lived alone and he had a deadbeat roomie that didn't pay bills. After six months, I realized I was paying ALL the bills as he had a chronic gambling habit, he'd hidden from me before we moved in together. There were two times that when I woke up to go to work, my car wasn't in the parking lot. He had taken it the night before to go gamble and still wasn't home. I had no way to get to work. Being late for work got me written up the second time. I'm pissed, but in love and ignored it. After 4 more months I find a bag of coke hidden in the toilet tank. I'm terrified, but in love and ignore it. Two more months go by and I come home from work to find earrings on my nightstand that aren't mine. He had his ears pierced, but these were huge pirate hoops. My pillows smelled of some cheap perfume that wasn't mine either. I'm terrified and furious, but this time I don't ignore it. That night when he was out gambling I got my friends to get a moving truck and I moved out. Complete with every piece of furniture, dish, towel, wall hanging in the house. It was all mine to begin with. Never move in with a significant other for financial reasons. It's a poor reason to make that type of commitment.
A Divorce and several relationships later...
Boyfriend #2 - I am in my late 20's. I've had a career started for awhile. I meet this guy and within a week, we realize there is something VERY different about our relationship. A month into it, he says I love you. We take things VERY slow. We don't sleep together, we don't move in together, we don't even talk about getting married. He knows what I want for my future, but when we discuss the M word, I never make it personal to him. It's always "someday when I get married." He respects me enough to do the same thing. We knew we were a good match, but the timing isn't right. After 18 months, he proposes and I say yes. We never slept together until our wedding night 5 months later. If it is meant to be, it's worth waiting for.
Take from this, what you will. Just remember no matter what decision you make, there are consequences for EVERY decision we make in lives. Some good, some bad. Hopefully, you can see from our experiences what makes sense for you.
Love ya,
Andi
-
sass_my_frass
It's pretty simple; you've got to do your thing in your own time. If he can't wait for that, you can do better.
-
ferret
Give it time. a month is not long enough to see the real him. If he really loves you he should be willing to wait however long it takes you to be ready. I urge you to finish your education so if it does not work out you will have something to fall back on as you will probably lose your family.
-
anewme
Hi Stilla, I am very worried about this news. You want out of your parents house so badly. We all know that. This man knows you are a choice piece of candy and are a beautiful soul he cannot find elsewhere. You are also sweet and naive because you havent dated that much like worldly girls. You are inexperienced. And you are enjoying the guy's sexual energy. Some girls never see that in guys at the Kingdom Hall.
Also you mention him being a virgo. Have you done a compatability chart? Have you compared your birth month to his? Yahoo has a site that will do it for free. AND IT IS UNCANNILY CORRECT!!!!!!
I dont put much confidence in astrology but there is something truthful about the birth month charts. Compare your love life prediction and you will see what you are up against.
I was a Cancer and married a Virgo. Oh wow, the charts were honest saying we would have trouble. It couldnt have been more true Stilla! On the other hand I am now married to a Taurus. The Cancer/Taurus connection is made in Heaven in those charts and I agree!
It might be worth a peek.
Also, please please please do not marry or move in with him after only a month! Typical JW thinking Stilla!!!!
The way people do it is to get to know the person very well, over time, and then they discuss long term arrangements.
What happened to the original idea of school????? You are going to need that degree later and who is going to pay for it if you have to work to provide for this guy?????
Im sorry to discourage you, but I just had to chime in.
Marriage and living together should not be taken lightly....especially in your situation. -
jojochan
He says he can't stay in a relationship with me if it is not going anywhere. It is very hard on him (not being able to meet the parents, me never being able to sleep over and what not) and I don't want him to slip away because of my own fear of failure.
Think about that statement for a minute. And for you, you are in a situation that is deep as well, just being a witness while being unplugged from the collective is hard, and going to school and trying to juggle a relationship with someone on the outside as well? You need to seriously talk to him about your situation, and how it is for you. Even if he does'nt understand which in all 90% of the time they really don't, but at least you told him and emphasized that you love him and care for him as that man in your life, and you won't trade his love for anything. And if he really IS understanding, he'll embrace you and sees you as one worth waiting for. Which I think that you are.
Communication is really important, don't allow yourself to be painted in to a corner.
Many years ago I was...don't to what i did. Get your life together FIRST.
Any thing else PM me.
A friend,
jojochan.
-
jojochan
LOL, yeah, anewme, WE virgos can be a handfulXD
jojochan.
-
anewme
Jojochan, I did not mean any disparages against Virgos dear. I only used my own marriage as an example of INCOMPATABILITY.
He was serious and intellectual, a researcher and scientist type, very controlled emotions, very soldier like too, duty first, congregation first.
I on the other hand was the homebody, the cuddler, the singer and musician.....
I am now married to another homebody, cuddler, music lover and researcher scientist type, who puts US first.
I remember Virgos are best with other Virgos or with another strong sign. Virgos can be VERY LOVING people
but Cancers annoy them after a while. Just my observation. -
jojochan
I know, none offense taken. I know that I find myself drawn hopelessly to scorpios, my ex wife is an aquarius.
funny huh?
jojochan.
-
greendawn
I also think you shouldn't rush into a serious commitment like marriage before you are absolutely sure that everything is in order and you are ready for it. And be 100% sure that this guy is indeed serious and not out to use you.