The cancer has changed my wife (page 3)

evita

Dear outoftheorg
This is such a difficult and sad situation. My mom was 69 when she died of cancer a little over a year ago. She only lived for eight weeks after her diagnosis and she chose not to have chemo for much the same reasons as your wife. We called in home hospice and they were very helpful to our whole family. They know all about quality of life issues and have lots of resources to help the family.
It was so hard to deal with the whole thing day after day. I was very afraid and basically freaked out at the thought of losing my mom. I still can't believe she's gone.
The best thing you can do is just be there for your wife as much as you can. You will never regret the time and love you share right now. Everyone else will have to deal with their issues in their own way. You have to focus on what's most important to you. Gently remind others of your priorities so you don't get distracted with relatively unimportant things. All these things are easier said than done when you're in crisis mode so be forgiving of yourself. Get the meds and support you need. Don't be ashamed to ask for help.
My heart goes out to you and your wife and loved ones.
Eva

CountryGuy

Outoftheorg, I am so sorry to hear of your wife's sickness.
Both of you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

CountryGuy

crazyblondeb

I'm so sorry to hear what you both are going thru. My stepmom, who was a mother to me died 2 years ago. It brought out the worse in everyone as soon as we buried her. Now I don't speak to any of them. Not my dad, sister, or stepsiblings.

Have you considered hospice? Not just for your wife's sake, but also for the family. They have couselors and alot of resources available. There is no cost to anyone. They can also help with some costs. Just a thought.

You both are in my prayers.

shelley

HappyDad

My heart goes out you and your wife since I went through a similar situation with my wife. She died of ovarian cancer 10 years ago this month. She was only 46.

So Donna decided to drop the chemo and life her life out with the use of pain releavers.

That is what my wife did since the chemo was so devastating to any quality of life. She lived another 5 months after stopping chemo.

Both of us seem to be easier angered and we sometimes have to apologize to each other. I really don't have any idea about what I will do when she passes away. I feel totally lost and confused about the present and the future.
I notice the stress seems to be causing me to forget things,

I fully understand. Until my wife passed, I had never been alone. I was lost and confused myself, with no sense of direction. It was shortly after this that I started seriously questioning my religion.

It is an emotionally draining experience, and after it is over, I would advise looking for a support group where you can talk about all your feelings, frustration, anger and hurt. It worked for me and even though I am still alone, I'm surrounded by wonderful friends that I can count on.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your wife.

HappyDad

DannyHaszard

Danny's Sensible Suggestions
for Managing Stress may this help at least a little,best regards from Danny

carla

Words cannot express how sorry I am to hear of your wifes illness and you trying to deal with such a situation. In my thoughts and prayers, carla

outoftheorg

Thanks to you all for your kind words and help.

Donna was really impressed that so many offered to keep her in their prayers. It means a lot to her.

Donna was the manager of the local home health group and has friends there. We will contact Hospice shortly. Actually they have contacted us and we will get back to them. Through them I think there are others trained to help us emotionally and take over when the load gets too heavy for me. I have gone to one self help group and they were very disturbed and I found myself helping them.

Maybe that is the way it works. This feeling of helpless and frustration is awful and I see it in myself and Donna. Then there is the constant thought that returns " goddamn it I finally found a kind loving one with no cult hangups and It only lasts for 9 or 10 yrs." then I loose her.

Well I have gone through an unbelievable lot of shit in my life. I guess I can live through this also.

Thanks again and I really do consider all your suggestions. Every little bit helps.

Outoftheorg

ChristianObserver

So sorry to hear your sad news.

Donna and you will be added to prayers.

Kaput

Suggestions:

Check out the alternative therapies utilizing Bloodroot, Laetrile, Hydrazine Sulfate. Also, try calling Bob Ginsberg (Levashov practitioner) at 310-473-8262.

"Do not go gentle into that good night."

freedomlover

outoftheorg and donna -

so, so, so sorry for this stress in your life right now. I too have lost loved ones to cancer. please know you are in my thoughts and I send much love and light to you. you have support here and I'm sure there are many here who can help because of similar life experiences.

enjoy your time together.

much love - freedomlover

The cancer has changed my wife

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