by Mrs.Congeniality 41 Replies latest jw experiences
Mrs C.
They are tired of living everyweekend on edge wondering who is going to stop by.
This can lead to emotional problems, living on the edge of being caught. My advice would be if they are tired of it, then they should start living life, and tell the next elder to shove off
steve
I chose to D'A.
My family had already started shunning me for letting them down by not attending anyway!
Not having to look over my shoulder, avoid the door or phone was a huge relief!
Do whats right for you.
Tash
I would much rather DA than be DFed, BUT I have lots of family still in 'the false'. The thing that I hate is I still read on this board that people have been out for years and are still looking over their shoulders to see if someone is watching them putting up christmas lights or even stepping inside a church.
I'm seperated from my ex, in theory if I remarried I could be DFed for adultery, as our divorce was not 'scriptural'. It all depends how eager the elders are to cut off the dead wood.
I can see the total freedom in DA, but it's a tough decision to make when you know it means losing most of the people in your life. I know a lot of people that have faded succesfully and yes many in the congregation still shun them. That much I'm not too worried about, but I know without a doubt my family would cut off all contact if I made my fade official.
What a horrible dillemma
Poppy
thanks for all of the good advice. I talked with my friend last night and her and her husband had written a letter to one of our elders. She stated that they were not going to be attending our cong. anymore. They were not sure where they would be going, just not there. Ended the letter with a few nice words and is mailing it off today. Ill keep u posted on the response.
(they already 2 months ago told one elder they were no longer going to be attending this cong. they still keep coming)
http://jwinfo.8m.com/jwinfo.htm#reduce_contact describes how to legally reduce unwanted contact from jws. They do not have to DA to get ppl to stop contacting them.
I am in a similar case as you have mentioned. Here is how it is looked at from both angles. It all depends on if you care about the other brothers that you have gone fond of over the years, and how you will be able to witnesses to them of the things that you have found out and to help them reailise of the lies that they have been asked to say by the books and mags. The scripture does say that "liers will NOT inherit Gods Kingdom". So, if they keep on lieing (such as the 607BCE subject), they will not inherit Gods Kingdom. So, i would suggest- like me- NOT to disassociate yourself. If you do, they will win by saying that YOU decided not to mix with them anymore.This will then give them room to ask you as to why you have not been going to the meetings.They may not come to visit you at home, but time to time go to the meeting and they will welcome you as you have not been going for a long time. If you have evidence of what you are saying to be true, then it would be a difficult time for the Elders to dissfellowship you according to the dissfellowshipping forms that they have to fill out.But if you were to argue over subjects such as the trinity- then they will have reason to disfellowship you on the grounds of apostacy. What ever you do, do not give them good reason to disfellowship you. What i did was to show them from the watchtower may 15 2004 frount cover which has a devilish creature with a fang. The main heading is "You Can Make God Rejoice", and i asked them if it is the god on the cover that we are supposed to make rejoyce or it is the Most high God that we should make rejoice. I spoke to them also about the 607bce date, and they did not even want to look it up in one of many reference books apon the date. When they left, they were talking about forming a judicual commitee, and that was about a couple of months ago. The Holy Spirit has let me know that i should not go back there to the kingdom hall, and as i am moving to "town to town" soon, i will attend a couple more meetings in my local congregation then move on. As long as you use reliable books and also show them when you see them from the WTBTS books and mags, they cannot say that you are an apostate.The subliminal faces and figures are in all the mags and books that have been printed since the 1970s. Carefull study of them in the pictures proves to be very intresting- thats if you like puzzle books where one has to find hidden items. So, be careful as to how you deal with your life.It could turn out that you may not need to do either choice, and you may even be able to save their lives in the process. By stopping them from continually saying lies.
I just wanted to add that, IMHO, there is no need to bow to the wishes of the elders. By constantly visiting you, they are attempting to manipulate you into making a change in your status--come back to the KH, or DA yourself, or admit something they can DF you for. Obviously if you wanted to change your status, you would have done so previously.
So why let the elders be successful in their manipulation? You can get them to stop contacting you via various legal/polite/nonconfrontational means without allowing them to pull your puppet strings and force you to change your JW status. They are not the boss of you any more, unless you allow them to be. JMHO
| thanks everyone for your replies, good info |
First of all, don't play by their rules.
If you join a childhood club with friends based on imaginary stuff, you don't write a letter saying you are dissassociating yourself from the Tutfty Club when you 'grow-up'. Unless it suits YOU and your intentions, why should one DA because it's expected? Yes, expected by whom, and why should one care what they think now?
I walked away, managed to avoid DF'ing, and decided to just let it be as I thought it the best way of staying on good relations with my family. It suited me.
Might not suit them. But it's another option.
My theory is that whatever method you choose, it's going to be equally difficult in it's own way. Sometimes I wish I'd da'd instead of being disfellowshipped for the sake of my pride, but then I wouldn't have seen the games and hostility, and probably wouldn't be where I am now. I might have regretted acting rashly and my family would definitely have treated me worse (if that's possible).
I was so sincere and repentant, and wanted to be helped when I went to the elders and still ended up df'd; that's helped me see through what they call love.
